What I’m thankful for

Update!  I’m still in the hospital wtf.  With no sign of being able to leave. T___T

Preeclampsia is a progressive condition so my blood pressure has been steadily increasing. D:  When I was first admitted, it was about 130/90 and now without medication it’s up to 180/110. D:  I’ve also started getting headaches which are another symptom and more nose bleeds which the nurses say is cause of the high BP.

Doctor is still titrating the drug dosage to figure out what’s a stabilizing figure since my BP is still super unstable.  So I guess I’m stuck here for the time being.

Being in the hospital for a week now, I’ve obviously had a lot of time to think.  For the past couple of days I think  I was also emotionally quite unstable; every time my BP reading came back high I’d start crying and poor Fatty would have to comfort me.  But maybe now I’m used to it already.  160? Oh ok *continues watching Modern Family

But like I said, I had a lot of time to think.  And I think despite all this I still consider myself quite lucky la!!

1.  I’m very popular WTF.  No la I mean very loved hahahah.  I’ve been here a week and everyday got people come to visit, or at least calling/texting to check how I am!  Thank you so much everyone you know who you are.  It really does distract me and makes me feel better!

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These balloons in particular from Bobo & Jo, and Lay See & Pierre.

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2. All the caring messages from readers on social media and email and everything

Mummy Ooi was very worried about me blogging about this; she worried that it was pantang (taboo) because haters might be happy with the misfortune that had befallen us and wish us further ill.  But it was important to me to blog about this because… I wanna document this la for the future.  And everyone has been so overwhelmingly caring and supportive I’m glad I did!  I haven’t had time to reply your comments and emails but I have been reading all and I just wanna thank you guys for cheering me up and being so supportive!

Sometimes on bad days I look at comments that say they had preeclampsia at like 36 weeks and delivered and everything is ok, and feel resentful cos 36 or 37 weeks is perfectly safe and if I was at 36 weeks myself I would be so happy already.  All we want is to get Fighter to 34 weeks now!!!  But that’s just me in a bad frame of mind and I know that people are just trying to comfort me.  So thank you all!  I really do appreciate your comments and for making us feel not alone. :)

3.  At least Fighter is 29 weeks now.

It could be worse.  He could be even younger and therefore even more fragile!  29 weeks is still dangerous, but with today’s technology, babies born at 29-30 weeks have a very high chance of survival and while there’s a chance of short term and mid term problems, the incidence of long term disabilities is still better than if he was younger.

I still think I’m immortal wtf so I didn’t think too much about myself but I’m terrified that Fighter will have physical or intellectual disabilities I don’t think I could stand it. T______T But we just keep reminding ourselves that it could be worse.

4.  I have an awesome husband

Say before la hahaha.  But I’m so thankful that Fatty has been so strong about this and I can lean on him.  He’s super optimistic about things too.  And best of all, I think  our relationship has actually gotten even stronger and that we’re good for each other in times of crisis.

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It was our first year wedding anniversary last Saturday!

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We were hoping to get home leave to go out for dinner for a few hours but my BP spiked that night so it was a no-no. D:  Fatty showed up at my bedside with flowers though as a surprise. T3T

5.  We can afford the bills

Some nights I cannot sleep cos I’m fretting over the piling costs wtf.  But at least we can still pay la as opposed to news articles of people you see who ask for donations for operations and stuff. T3T

6.  It was detected early

I think we were quite lucky we detected it quite early when it was quite moderate!  Imagine if we didn’t and something went horribly wrong!  Like I had a stroke wtf or Fighter’s development was seriously affected.  At least now we know and are taking measures to counter it.

7. Can see Fighter earlier!

Obviously if can I wanna wait till the bun is fully cooked before taking it out of the oven wtf but you have to take what you can get.

And one of the best parts (barring Fighter being unwell of course) is that we get to see him earlier than expected!!!  Confirm he will be here by 34 weeks can only hope he stays in as long as that.

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Last week’s ultrasound scan of him.  Hemsem or not hahahaha.

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And this is a picture of a preemie baby Suet showed me.  Chilling in its incubator HAHAHAHA DAMN CUTE.  Pillow pattern looks like disco lights some more then wearing shades hahahaha too much.

This photo gives me hope that Fighter will be fine. :)

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