Hey Jude

So Fighter was born on Monday.

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Hey Jude, don’t let us down. :)

It’s been a very surreal past few days.

On Sunday night I just told Fatty that I didn’t think my body could do it any longer.  A lot of people posted encouraging messages telling Fighter to stay in and not come out yet, but the truth is it’s not up to him.

Not about whether he wanna come out leh!  It’s my stupid blood pressure.

And on Sunday I felt like things were coming to a head now.  My blood pressure had become increasingly harder to control and I was suffering from worsening symptoms – the doctor had nearly maxed out my BP medication by then; but besides that the meds were wreaking havoc on my system.

Preeclampsia comes with severe swelling due to fluid retention but the BP meds make it worse too.  I swelled to elephantine proportions I kid you not — the last few days I gained 1-2kg of water weight each day wtf.

My limbs were swollen, my jaw was swollen, even my eyes were so swollen I could barely open them wtf.  And I couldn’t move myself!  By then I was only 7 months + pregnant but I already couldn’t stand up straight.  My backbone went missing wtf I thought I was just fat but it was cos there was so much water pooled around my entire torso.

So I told Fatty I don’t think I can do this much longer.  I thought it would be by the next week or so.

Turns out it was the next morning wtf.

The entire Sunday night I spent unable to sleep because I couldn’t get comfortable.  My stomach was too huge and heavy and even if I lay on my side, it hurt because the weight of it was pulling itself away from my body!  And I was having trouble breathing (what I thought was the baby pressing on my lungs)

Dr Teresa came in early in the morning, took one look at me and said “you have to deliver today.”

My face was bright red, my pulse was racing and I was puffing although all I was doing was lying on the bed wtf.  I didn’t know it but fluid had collected in my lungs by then.

Off I went to the labor room to prepare for an emergency C section.

They plugged me all full of intravenous needles and the first thing they did was transfer me magnesium sulphate.  Seizures are very common in preeclampsia so the drug was to prevent me from going into fits as well as to stabilize baby’s brain since he was going to be so premature.

Then they shoved a catheter up my urinary tract. Found it damn uncomfortable like I got a permanent UTI T____T

The magnesium sulphate was so horrible!! First I started feeling hot.  Then my wrist (the drip was on the back of my hand) started aching.  Then it felt like someone was repeatedly taking a hammer and banging my entire forearm.

Then I threw up.  Exactly like Linda Blair in the Exorcist.

The nurses slotted a vomit pan in front of me but I still managed to puke everywhere!  Totally cannot control lo I managed to puke all over my hospital gown, my own (lower) legs, the bed, the nurses (FTL).

At this point I really thought death would be better wtf.

I was in sooo much pain and discomfort — the uncontrollable vomiting, what felt like a broken arm, the stupid catheter in my pee hole and the thought of giving birth later — I really wished for a lethal injection by then hahaha.

But kudos to the nurses who were so efficient!  They managed to clean me up, change my gown, AND change the sheets while I was still on the bed.  By then the worst of the nausea had passed and I think I half passed out at this point also.

My reaction to the drugs also slowed down a bit so while I still felt arm pain and some nausea it was quite bearable after that.

Then they rolled me into the operating theater.  I was exhausted by then but still quite scared I think I was shaking.

I saw my mom hovering worriedly outside the OT and luckily Fatty was allowed in with me!  

Saw this pic he took later on — I guess they got him to change into scrubs and crocs.  Ok la I can make exception this time for the crocs ahhaahha.

I remember being rolled in and how cold the OT was.  I remember Dr Teresa (my obstretician) sitting studying a file calmly and I blearily thought good good she prepare to the last minute because that’s the kind of student I was — the super irritating type that reads notes until the exam starts hahahaha.

The anesthecian, Dr Chua, injected something into my spine.  Actually I still dunno what the procedure was exactly but he was damn good!  If I was more awake I’d be terrified at this point (cos Wendy told me epidural needle is like a satay stick), but I hardly felt anything.  A blood test hurts more seriously.

In seconds my legs felt numb and I remember Dr Teresa telling me that the drug is working.

I don’t remember much after this point actually even though Fatty told me later they were asking me questions and I was responding.

I remember holding someone’s hand and at one point it was Fatty but it could also have been a random Indian lady wtf.  Dunno what’s true and what’s not hahaha.

I do remember being rolled because I could feel the motion and realizing that it was already over.  I forgot to ask if they gave me meds to sleep also or just anesthesia actually.

Within the hour I was back in the labor room so I think it was super quick!

The first day (immediately after surgery) I was still super out of it I didn’t realize it’s considered a major surgery!  They were still monitoring my pee output with the catheter and I was only taking liquid in through a drip (I guess to check if my body was clearing water) so I was bedridden.

The anesthesia also lasted a day so I really didn’t giving birth was that bad hahaha.  Second day only eat my words wtf.

I only got to see Fighter a day later!  Everyone (Fatty and the grandparents) all got to see him before me because I couldn’t move and he was in the NICU in an incubator. :(

I got so much more to blog about but I think I’ll keep it purely about his birth and the C section this post!

Fighter is doing well considering his birth weight (1.1kg) and the prematurity!  It’s a take a day at a time thing for now, but he’s doing well so far!  Brain scans are ok so far (although problems can crop up any time touch wood), lungs are immature but ok enough that he’s not on the highest concentration of oxygen, and no other signs of impairment so far.

And the most encouraging news – breast milk is super crucial especially for a baby like Fighter because he didn’t get antibodies from my uterus (T__T).  Some preemies cannot take breast milk but his neonatalogist tested him on 1ml of breastmilk every 4 hours and he took it!  So they’ve actually been doubling his feeding everyday and he’s been responding well so far which we take for a very good sign!!!!

As for me, I’m still in the hospital because my BP still hasn’t come down yet.  Yesterday only Dr Teresa told me that I was actually in a lot of danger I guess she didn’t say explicitly earlier dowan to scare me. :X  She said when they opened me up there was water everywhere.  Even Dr Chua said he had to ‘press’ water away from my backbone first before he could inject me.  Damn scary!  Luckily no more water in my lungs now, just the rest of my body.  They’re not letting me out yet until I stabilize more because I can still kena a seizure any time.  But it’s okay because Fighter is here too!  I get to go in and see him any time I want so it’s a good trade off I guess.

Best thing of course is I get better (and skinnier and less bloated) and Fighter comes home with us la!!!!!! But I take what I can get.

P/S:
What really gets my BP up is…. breast feeding evangelists!!!!! Already so sick and dealing with so much physical and emotional suffering and I still have to read comments from idiots telling me to breast feed.

WHICH PERSON WITH NORMAL ACCESS TO INFORMATION DOESN’T KNOW THAT BREASTFEEDING IS GOOD?

You might think that you’re only doing your moral duty to let me know about the wonders of breastfeeding but let me tell you this, benefits of breastfeeding is not a breakthrough revelation.  Everyone knows about it.  If you think that I – despite being so connected and educated – still don’t know then you must think I’m stupid.  And you’re very condescending and offensive.

2ndly, even if I’ve been hiding under a rock somewhere, I have been hospitalized for 3 weeks now, surrounded by health professionals.  If I didn’t know about it earlier don’t you think I’d know it by now and that I don’t need you to superiorly remind me to breastfeed?  Or do you think I don’t care enough about my baby?  I fought to keep him in my uterus for 3 weeks do you not think I wouldn’t consider anything else I can do for him?  I don’t know about you but I’d take breast feeding over battling preeclampsia any time.

All the comments I got – the way they’re written and the timing just makes me think that the only reason why anyone would do this is so they can feel superior about themselves.  That they’re ‘doing a good deed’ and ‘being a better mom cos I’m breastfeeding my kid’.  Well the only thing you’re doing is make people angry.

The info is all already out there.  Some people decide not to breastfeed or are unable to for some reason; whatever you say will not change this.  So please do everyone a favor and just be quiet.

Ok rant off and zen mode on.  Waiting for Fatty to come so we can go see Fighter again!

 

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  • Anonymous

    Congrats Audrey!

  • Nayoung

    Congrats Audrey and Tim! I hope fighter maintains good health and grows into a healthy little boy ^_^

  • helena

    your story is so touching & motivational. You can do it Audrey!! Prayers with you & your family.

  • Zoe

    Hi, I have been reading your blog on and off. I’m pregnant in Japan and not with my family. Reading about your pregnancy on your blog makes me feel I am not alone and gives me preview of what I am about to experience as I am now about 21 weeks. Sad to hear about your condition but I’m glad you and Fighter pulled through. Just concentrate on recovering and loving Fighter. I’m sure the rest will take care of itself. 頑張れとか、負けるなとか、は二の次。愛おしい人の笑顔をおもうだけでいいさ(from some song…:p)

  • Steph

    This is so touching. ;( Wishing you and Tim and Fighter the best! <3n

  • KIYASWAGGER

    Girl so cute baby fighter go fight in matter what

  • KIYASWAGGER

    Your story touching Tim and fighter and y = family