AudAngry AudVerbalDiarrhea

To the girl who judged me without having even seen me in person

A couple of nights ago I received this extremely offensive and batshit comment on my Instagram.

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Wait where did this come from?

I’m not going to lie — her comment pissed me off.  If she was trolling she succeeded la hahaha.

Her ignorance, her incoherence, her lack of understanding, her judgmentalism (is that a word wtf).  I wanted to reply her but to be honest I didn’t even know where to begin cos she was so off she might as well be in outer space wtf.

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This is what I replied.  Very angrily I might add.

But there’s actually a lot more I’d like to say to her.  She has since deleted her Instagram/changed her username although I cautioned my readers not to flame her, but I’m pretty sure she’s still reading my Dayre and blog.

So here’s an open letter to her.

Dear @Shirlingaling/ @S.Lingaling,

You are right, a LOT of moms read my Instagram and Dayre, and you know what?  Nobody agrees with you; in fact, we all agree that everything you’ve said is all in your mind, a pure figment of your imagination.

From your comment, you must not be a mother yourself.  If you were a mother there is no way you would pass such a judgmental presumptuous statement, much less to another mom.  Your ignorance is shocking which is why I feel the need to write this for you (and for anyone else ignorant and brazen enough to say what you did).

Just by looking at my blog, Dayre and IG, you calculated the level of love I have for my daughter and judged me for not being loving enough.  Pray, enlighten me what formula you used to measure “love” as viewed on social media as that is really quite magical!  Scientists all over the world would love to know, I’m sure.

You concluded I must not love my daughter as much as I do my son, because she was, in your words, “easier to have”.  Would you dare say this to the face of any mother out there?  It is none of your business but now I choose to tell you for the sake of dispelling your gross ignorance.  I took aspirin daily for nine months to ensure my daughter would be a safer pregnancy and be “easier to have”.  I checked my blood pressure at least twice daily, and did urine tests as needed to make sure she was safe from preeclampsia.  I hopped in and out of the hospital as false alarms indicated that the preeclampsia might have returned.

So yes, if you count avoiding a long hospital stay an “easier birth” then yes I had an “easier birth”.  Penelope made it to full term through luck and by the combined efforts of my doctor and me, which I am terribly thankful for.

But what about uncomplicated pregnancies?  Do you dare say that getting pregnant, staying pregnant and then having a baby is “easy”?  What about having morning sickness, constipation, heartburn, worrying about miscarriages and baby’s health, back aches, water retention, stretch marks, pain, tiredness?  What about pushing a baby through your vagina, or getting cut open and then recovering from a major surgery?  Is that easy to you? I dare you to say that to any woman who has experienced it because you surely haven’t.

You said I complained about her vomiting.  If that is your definition of complaining, I think you better not say anything  IN YOUR LIFE EVER wtf.  Yes I wrote about her constant vomiting and how I’ve been trying to solve this problem.  I did it because I was hoping to get some support and advice from other moms and the Dayre community came through for me. :) Unfortunately you twisted something as innocent as that into “complaining” and “not loving my baby”.  You even dared to suggest I shouldn’t have had her if I’m going to complain.

Again, you don’t deserve to know this but in my efforts to stop her vomiting, I’ve already cut out dairy from my diet, researched essential oils to clear her mucus, and even now pump before feeding her just so she won’t overfeed and throw up.  But of course all this wasn’t jotted down and why should I?  Do I need to trumpet every detail of what I’m doing just so people like you can stop judging?

You said I love Penny less.  I do love them differently – this I admit.  When I had Fighter, I only had him to focus on.  Now I have Penny too and I had to learn to give them both equal attention and care.  I love her in a different way, because she is a different person.  I have to switch up my parenting style because she is a different baby with a different personality and preferences from Fighter.  So yeah, I don’t love them the same but it doesn’t mean I love her any less.  Who are you to say anything about this?

Who do you think you are?  Who are you to demand the privilege of a clarification from me or to request the details of my personal and family life? You are a complete stranger to me which is why you do not know enough to have a say.  And yet you persist in having a misguided opinion of me and my life, and embarrassing yourself in the process.

Don’t you dare tell me or any other parent out there that we did not suffer for, or love our children enough.  You have no right. It was sickening of you  and I hope you never say what you said to me to anyone else ever.

Signed,

A mother you had the audacity to judge

*

There. I had a great time writing the above. Hahaha.

 

  • guest

    Hey Audrey, I know it’s difficult but don’t let those judgmental people affect your emotions! I’m never a fan of any bloggers but I only read your blog because I can feel the sincerity in your blogs. Support you as always! kayao!!!

  • http://chilicandy.blogspot.com chili candy

    hello Audrey,
    I hope by now you are feeling much better. No doubt, when we faces these kind of critics, it hurt us and upset us as well.
    I get this kind of judgement coming from a relative, and she was a mother herself too. It hurts me. Because i have four children, and i tend to post more pictures and things about my youngest, i get this remark that i love my youngest more than my other 3 children.
    I don’t understand why these kind of people who were never there 24 hours a day, 7 days a week to watch what or how we love our children daily. That they can just past off casual remark just like that.
    Let’s hope that person one day, will come to realize how offensive and bad judgement she has made. Because nothing beats the moments when they realized how bad a judgement they had made, and that offensive remarks too.
    Take care Audrey. I am happy to see your beautiful little family.
    Time is so precious. Its so lucky we have instagram, dayre and the internet to share about these precious moments.

  • Hs Mimie

    to Shirlingaling, do you ever feel your parents love you more or lesser? I’m also from a one boy one girl family but I never felt the need to measure my parents love..why want to be so calculative? If my brother got more food than I do.. nevermind la, he’s different body la. I got more gadgets also my bro okay because that is my interest mah. if you ever come into my house, don’t think my parents don’t love me because my picture don’t have. I hate taking pictures la.

    To Audrey, keep being you! Haha I look forward to see Penny becoming the mini you! eh salah, may she end up taller.Wtf.

  • http://www.gracemoments.com Grace

    Hey Audrey, I’m not a mother but I feel you. Haters gonna hate. >< I hope this shinglinglanglong will think twice before she type, if she has the brains to do so. Just keep doing what u r doing. Being a mom ain't easy, so well done! Hope to see more photos and stories about your beautiful kids ^^

  • Junni

    Seriously there is person like that? She sounds so sick! How could she judges a parent’s love? Still couldn’t believe a young girl can be that sick minded.

  • liew hui min

    You are a good mother because I can feel you . It’s not easy to handle the kids . please ignore dome those brainless people . By joey

  • Priscilla Clapson

    Omg. Why would someone say, or even think something like that!? You wrote that really well – good on ya! Thanks for sharing your everyday with us – I enjoy reading all that you do and all about Fighter & Penny. :)

  • Windy

    She dares to use “us”… pls la, ownself insane don’t drag us into the water ler…..

  • Jolene Ewe

    Hi Audrey, I’m not a mom myself (yet) but this insane person really have no right to say such things to you or to anyone in fact. I guess this is another case of cyber bully where they really have nothing else better to do than to criticize other people’s life. I’m definitely supporting you on this!

  • http://www.tenshichn.blogspot.com/ Tenshichn

    Audrey, you can ignore these people although it’s hard to. They’re bound to surface once in a while to test your patience. You don’t owe them an explanation.

    Poor kids if they knew their mom is doing this sorta thing, bringing shame to the kids with a mom like this instead.

    http://tenshichn.blogspot.com

  • fourfeetnine

    Ya dunno what’s going on in her brain!

  • fourfeetnine

    Thanks Joey :)

  • fourfeetnine

    Ya I’m guessing she’s young, or at least single. Don’t think a mom would say anything like that

  • fourfeetnine

    HAHAHA hope she and Fighter both taller than me please

  • fourfeetnine

    Ya wtf right! Talked as though everyone agrees with her madness -_-

  • noname

    AUDacity. That cracked me up though I was pretty pissed off reading that chit’s insta comment.

  • Niel Noel

    Hello Audrey,

    I had follow your blog for a very log time, I really think you two are wonderful parents, even do I have no experience myself , am not a mother and I am not planning on being one. I Still think you do a great job on being a mommy.. and if become a mom some day I hope to be as good as you are. So cheer up and keep your wonderful job, keep telling us about your experiences. You have a lot of fans around the world that supports you.

    Is so sad that sometimes mean people try to judge others, if there is nothing positive or constructive to say is better to just shut up.

    Love your blog.. your babies are so beautiful.

    Nel from Costa Rica