Fighter: Mommy, you need to eat a lot of rice and chicken and vegetables and fish…
Me: Oh, I do?
Fighter: Yea. So you can grow big like Daddy!
(Cos I’m always telling him to eat more so he can grow up and be a big boy)
Went out on an errand and received panicky messages from Fatty, telling me that Fighter was crying and going around the house looking for me. When I went home…
Me: I heard you cried a lot just now. Why?
Fighter: Yea. Because I wanted you mommy. I wanted to go with you but Auntie Nancy said I cannot go out because the bad guy will catch me *does violent hand sweeping action*
Fighter: Yea and Auntie Nancy don’t know how to drive. So I cannot go out. I was sad.
Me: Oh I’m sorry darling. I went to see a school for you. It’s a school for big boys and big girls.
Fighter: I’m a big boy now!
Me: Yes it’s for when you’re even bigger.
Fighter: Is it I’m in N2? (4 years old)
Fighter: Next time you cannot go out mommy. Or else you have to sleep on the road.
Told him I have to get a replacement license cos I lost my driver’s license FML.
Fighter: Why you lost it, mommy? Why?
Fighter: Mommy I borrow your license.
Me: You mean you lend me your license? Your Legoland license?
Fighter: I’m going to be adult soon.
Auntie Fayth: You are?
Fighter: Yea. Like you. I’m going to be taller.
Me: So what are you going to do when you’re an adult? Fighter: Drink coffee. Yea. And eat spicy noodles.
Took Fighter to pee in school before class starts. Their toilet cubicles have little curtains instead of doors.
Fighter: Mommy. Please close the curtain or else everybody can see my bird.
Because I closed the curtain, I couldn’t reach him. And he missed aim and peed all over his undies, pants and even socks FML.
Me: Oh no! How come you peed on yourself!?
Fighter: Because I didn’t hold my bird. Because I don’t want it fly away.
I was exercising in my room when Fighter and Penny barged in. I happened to be wearing yoga pants and a sports bra.
Fighter: Mommy, I don’t want you to wear like this. Because you shame shame.
Fighter: I want Mommy sleep with me
Fatty: How about Daddy? Can Daddy sleep with you?
Fighter: No, cannot. Because you are too big. Mommy is small because she didn’t eat enough.
Had a dinner with some friends so while Fighter was drinking his milk, I sneaked out of the house. Apparently he cried for ages looking for me. T______T The next morning..
Fighter: Mommy, yesterday I very sad. I cry because I wanted you.
Me: I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to tell you I went out because I didn’t want to make you cry.
Fighter: Where you go Mommy?
Me: I went to eat dinner.
Fighter: Can I go? I want to eat dinner. I will be a good boy.
The next time I had a dinner, I tried to prepare him instead of sneaking out.
Me: Jude, Mommy’s going to put you to bed then I’m going to go for dinner, ok?
Fighter: Where you going? *lip trembling
Me: I’m going to eat dinner. I haven’t eaten yet you know, and I’m very hungry.
Fighter: No! Don’t go for dinner! Sleep with me!
Me: But I’m so hungry. You already ate but I haven’t eaten cos I was waiting for you. Fighter: Ok but you eat downstairs in the kitchen. Don’t go out.
In the car on the way to drop Fighter off at school. Penny is with us too so he knew we were going out after.
Fighter: Where you going?
Me: I’m going to go buy milk and diapers for you guys ok?
Fighter: No! Don’t go yet! Because I go to school first. When I finish my work in school, I will come back and buy milk for you.
Me: ok *lying
I obviously ignored him and went grocery shopping. Picked him up after, and when we got home, I unloaded the groceries from the trunk.
Fighter: !!! What’s that?
Me: Uh. Groceries.
Fighter: No I told you don’t go yet! I’m still working in school!
Fighter is taking his bath.
Fatty: Fighter, what’s that? *pointing at his little one
Fighter: No no! Don’t touch my bird!
Fatty: I didn’t. But why not?
Fighter: Because if you touch my bird, my bird will fly away. *points to the sky
Fatty: I see.
Fighter: And then I will become a girl.
Fighter: Mommy, I like girls with long hair.
Fighter: Don’t touch my bird, Baby. Later my bird fly away.
Fighter: Mommy, I’m a big boy.
Me: Yea but you have to drink more milk and eat more vegetables so you can be an even bigger boy.
Fighter: Is it then I can marry? Is it big boy can marry big girl?
Me: Yes. Who do you want to marry?
Fighter: (thinks) Gemma!
Me: Gemma? Do you like Gemma or Kate?
Fighter: I like Gemma and Kate. That’s why I marry them.
In the car. The radio is on. It’s a Justin Bieber song.
Fighter: what song izzis?
Me: It’s called Love Yourself.
Fighter: Is it Love Jude?
Me: …uh I guess.
Fighter: And Penny!
Fighter sees Penny holding a toy he thinks is his.
Fighter: Baby!!!! No!!!! (tries to snatch it)
Penny: NUH!!!! (holds it out of reach)
Fighter to Penny (putting on his shoes): See you later Baby! I go out first.
Fighter: Jude has a bird! Baby has no bird.
Me: Yes Baby has no bird. Why doesn’t Baby have a bird?
Fighter: Because Baby’s bird fly away.
Trying to teach Penny how to say I love you.
Me: Penny, say “I”.
Me: I love you.
Penny: Ta ta ta.
When she puts on a shirt that she likes.
Penny: Dada! (how she calls nanny) I yike I yike. (I like I like)
When we make her put on a shirt she doesn’t like.
Penny: No. No. No why. (don’t want)
Penny: (taking shirt and stuffing it under a chair) Hide. Hide.
Playing with her Peppa Pig doll.
Penny: (pinching Peppa’s curly pig tail) Bird. Koko bird.