AudEmo AudVerbalDiarrhea

The pursuit of happiness

 

It’s quite hard for me to confess this but I think it needs to be said.

For the past few months, I’ve been feeling unhappy.

I didn’t notice it right away. But over time, I noticed that there was something strange happening.  Me in default mode would wake up every morning excited to start the day, and then working around my schedule time with the kids, playing and just hanging out with them and Fatty.

But lately, a change had come over me.  I became irritable, even retreating into tears when Fatty and I bickered over petty issues, completely out of character for me.  Every negative thing that happened, I took as a personal slight, becoming over sensitive and defensive.  I started playing more Candy Crush WTF.  My Dayre entries became half hearted and half complete, cos I no longer felt the energy to update to the end of what I did that day. Instead of playing with the kids, I preferred to sit in a corner of the house and scroll through Facebook and Reddit.  If our helper was around, I’d frequently escape to my room to lie in bed and read more Reddit.

One day I finally collected my courage and told Fatty.  I didn’t even know what I was feeling, only that I wasn’t happy.  It was like, to put it very cornily, I’d lost my “spark” for life. I was either indifferent or resentful towards everything around me, even the kids; sure, I played the part on the surface but deep inside I didn’t want to even think about them.  And that scared me, more than anything else.

Fatty and I had a long talk, during which I cried a few more times wtf.  But he helped me discern a few truths: mainly that I was burnt out.  I kept using the word tired which made me realize  that was it – I was emotionally exhausted.

A bunch of factors came into play – the kids are older and while physically more independent, they’re also full blown toddlers.  Anyone who has had kids will know this – they take so much energy! Besides tending to their physical needs, every day I am mediating fights, admonishing or disciplining, carrying out punishment, answering questions, comforting, telling stories, teaching.  Especially the fights.  Those two squabble (if not outright brawl) at least five times a day wtf.  And Penny turns out to have a terribly strong willed character, and hardly a day goes by that I’m not grappling with her or disciplining her over something or other. I’m not a fierce kind of person and it took another kind of strength to stand my ground and discipline her.

Fatty on the other hand has been going through a pretty tumultuous period of his own.  He left his job at Netccentric, a company which he founded and grew for ten years. He suffered a phase of soul searching and other personal issues.  And now he’s rallied and has thrown himself into a completely new venture, with which I’m involved.  That was what consumed our marriage for the better part of the year, talking and figuring things out, analyzing, or just listening to him.

Frankly, between Fatty and the kids, I was exhausted. I still am. One of my goals in life is to be a pillar for my family but right now my emotional resources are depleted. I was giving half my energy to my baby energy vampires wtf, and the rest I used to support Fatty during this vulnerable period.  But I wasn’t really getting any of it back.  It’s not any of their faults of course – kids will be kids, and Fatty faced some pretty turbulent times.  It was just how it was.

Add that to the fact that I’d been feeling a little lost. I put something I’d wanted to do  on the back burner to help Fatty cos it seemed like we’d have a better chance at success.  But in doing that I realized I didn’t have anything left for myself.  What used to make me happy was my family and blogging.  But it got to a point that blogging felt too much like work and the kids felt like a weight.

Fatty asked if I was tired of being a mom. I shamefacedly said yes. He asked if I was tired of being a wife. Sometimes.

This is where shit really piled on. I had a great life! A responsible, caring husband and clever, beautiful children. We are stable financially and I don’t even need a full time job. What right do I have to be unhappy? I felt so ashamed of even feeling this way. And worse, I was wracked with guilt. That I was ungrateful even though I have a life that many would drool for. That I didn’t deserve anything I had.

The weird thing though is that when I think about what kind of life I would rather have, I don’t have anything else.  I would not give up caring for my family for anything in the world. I just didn’t want to care for them at the moment.

Dude, what was my problem?

It’s taken months but I think my problem is this….. Did you guys read this article?  Here’s a quote from it.

Pluck, sex appeal, power, kindness, persistence: We admire and celebrate these characteristics, and we long for the past versions of our moms to embody them. But if these characteristics are a prerequisite for a properly executed womanhood, does becoming a mother divest a woman of such qualities? In studying these photos, and each daughter’s interpretation of them, I’ve come to wonder what traits we allow our mothers to have, and which ones we view as temporary, expiring with age and the beginning of motherhood. Can a woman be both sexual and maternal, daring and responsible, innocent and wise? Mothers are either held up as paragons of selflessness, or they’re discounted and parodied. We often don’t see them in all their complexity.

   I don’t know about you. But my YouTube app is full of Peppa Pig and Ben & Holly videos. My Spotify playlists are also stuffed with PSY tracks and they’re all set to loop. My meal choices are frequently non-spicy kid friendly foods cos they always want to eat off my plate. Dinner appointments are always set late so I can put the kids to bed first. My makeup is done in staggered phases – draw my eyebrows, play some Play Doh; do my eyeliner, feed them dinner; put them to bed, then hurriedly change to go out. And et cetera.

All these things, I was always okay with.  But somehow they’ve come to a head at this point because I am missing an identity besides being a wife and a mom. Somehow along the way, I forgot about being Audrey Ooi because I was focusing on being Jude and Penelope’s mommy, Tim’s wife, and Fourfeetnine.

Once I followed Fatty to Taipei for work. He left our hotel for meetings while I stayed back and leisurely applied my makeup while listening to YouTube. At this point I hadn’t played any music that I liked for years, always giving way to the kids’ preference. And I thought, how I’ve missed this. Some Ayumi Hamasaki song had the power to transport me back ten years and I felt more myself than I had in years.

I can’t be the only mom who feels this way.  Somewhere in the midst of school runs, packing lunches, bedtime routines, and making sure the husband has enough clean, ironed shirts, we forget about ourselves. Who were we before we became moms, wives, keepers of the family? Were we daring? Were we foolish? Were we funny? Were we sexy?

I’m not saying that there are no funny or fun loving mothers. That all mothers are not daring or brave or sexy. But I understand what the writer above meant: that most of us have put aside facets of ourselves when we become mothers.

My self identity today is supportive wife to a successful, loving man, full time mother to two critters, and part time blogger wtf. But ten years ago I was other things. I was an honors student, incensed by local politics.  I was funny, maybe even hilarious. I was flirtatious. I was smart and engaging and great at forging connections with people. I traveled on whims, taking up extra part time jobs to make the cash. I don’t even know if I’m any of these things anymore. Have they dissipated from me? Or are they just in hiding, blocked out by more appropriate “Mother” qualities?

Which is why I am going to take the time to discover what fulfills me. Away from family, from husband, from work and social obligations. Is it traveling, with friends or by myself? Is it looking for a social cause to uphold? Is it getting drunk WTF kidding kidding I hate alcohol wtf. I have no idea what makes me happy right now to be honest but even figuring out the problem is already making me feel better. And I’m grateful for a Fatty who coached me through this, and told me that “my happiness is his responsibility”. He’s the real hero in this story.

Comments and thoughts from you guys are much valued. 🙂


 

  • Michael

    Sometimes in life you need to just take a step back and see where all the pieces fall… Then you will see what is important and what never was. ~Karen Kostyla

    All the best to you, Audrey. Do take your time out!

  • Michelle Thong

    Maybe go on a solo trip like what the burgers’ mom from dayre did. Either a place u’ve always wanted to go, or a place u went before but u wanna explore alone instead. I find that taking a step back and go on an adventure by yourself is a great way to find back what’s in you again. If u r really going on a solo trip, do take care. *hugs

  • Kiki

    I have the same feeling as you.. I am not sad but i am not happy either… i feel much better after reading your blog.. at least i am normal… haha…

  • Elle

    Hi Audrey, you have the right to feel the way you do. A lot of mothers get burned out. It’s normal. Being a full time mom is a tough job. If you’re working at the office, you get annual leave, you get MC and if you do your job well you get rewarded with a good evaluation and compensated with bonus. As a mom you are not entitled to these things. It’s understandable why you would feel the way you do. I hope you feel better after your time off. Even superheroes need rest sometimes:)

  • Kelly Chia

    hey that’s a great piece right there and i’m sure it speaks to a lot of people out there (like me, moms out there, etc).
    While i feel the same and share your sentiments here’s my two cents (which i tell myself every now and then) is that cry, let it out, find yourself and get up. i believe this is just a temporary phrase and after you’ve sort out yourself, you’ll only get out stronger and gained a better understanding of yourself. you’ve got awesome support (hubby and close friends). chin up momma and rock on!

  • Samantha Hsu

    I am running in the middle of a huge day but seeing this makes me want to leave a comment(first time since I am reading in like 7 years?): you are one of the most candid bloggers I have ever read. You are a great mom as can be seen from your kids. You are a really beautiful woman not only pretty but heartfelt beautiful. You have a stance,a view and your take it out to empower so many issues most people don’t do. Thank you for being honest and bearing your problems out instead of hiding it and making life look so perfect (wtf).
    I was once told this: a man was made out of soil but a woman is taken out of a man’s rib and carved with effort. Women have much more than dual roles: we are mothers, wives, friends, colleagues, employees, children all in one embodiment. So stay strong and take your time to learn how to re-love yourself. ☺

  • Sue Lin Teo

    Hi Audrey, I can’t say anything for what you are going through because no one can truly understand how you feel but yourself and I do hope it gets better for you.
    I am going through a tough period in my life too, and because of that I’ve decided to go for therapy. I’ve been to therapy about 6 times now and it has really helped me. I think there is too much stigma to going for therapy but that aside, it’s a good chance for a completely objective person to help me reflect my own thoughts and feelings.
    Take care and thank you for opening up about this 🙂

  • Chen Yilin Ashlyne

    This is so truthful, thank you for being honest. You are not the only one who feels the same. I have a 3 year old, we do not have a helper and my husband travels at least once a month. Late last year, I was pretty much going through the same phase and wondering who I am. I took leave to spend time with myself, I bought groupons to try out activities that I’ve always wanted to try (even though I didn’t get around to doing all of them due to time constraints). I constantly ask myself, what exactly is it that will make me happy? Why am I so irritable even though my husband is so supportive and I can quit my job anytime if I want to? I got jealous of people who can drop their kids off with their friends or parents for dates or even traveling but if I had the same options, I wouldn’t do it! So why? Till now, I still do not have an answer and even though I feel better now, I wouldn’t say that I’m functioning at 100%. There are still days when I pretend my lo’s n-th ‘Why mommy?’ because I am so tired of talking after a whole day of work and just need some time to zone out! Scrolling through mommy fb groups reading about all those mommies who plan a million interesting activities to do or mommies who have never let child tasted milo or chocolate and prepared every single meal filled with organic ingredients only made me feel worse about myself. I try to ignore these posts now since I know how toxic they make me feel. I do not have any suggestions on how to make these feelings go away but I just wanted to share my experiences and let you know that you are not alone.

  • siew eng wong

    Hey audrey…dont feel bad..you are not alone alrite…i m a mom to two toddlers as well…n yes proud to say hahaha i hide in the room or toilet longer just to browse thru the social media n etc as well…being a mom, wife n for me a career with 5 figure doesnt comes easy..n yes i felt like a monster at times when i am demanding too much one day n 10 mins later i felt guilty on how i treated everyone..but do always remember as much as we can nvr run a way from being a wife n a mom…ITs OK alrite to just get that 1 hr or 30mins a day to yourself.. with empty thoughts..just for urself to let your mind n emotions wonderoff freely without any weight in it…n once time is up..just regain the composure back to mother duty n wifey duty or myself tht position at work..it helps me out alot i feel…let me recharge usually after a long day at work before i face the kids, the kitchen n wife duty..hugss n stay strong…one step n one thing at a time..gambateh! N just get help from ur hub ( tim have being great following his blog as well) or helper whenever you need alrite, just be in sync with their style n way without too high expectation (coz i m one myself..)..n you will be more at ease….as i cant run a way from work because need the moolah to support the family…i just tell myself that having that solid 10mins with full concentration on them worth more than an hr of presence infront of the kids with our mind wondering elsewhere at times..wishing you all the best n take good care…

  • sushixkimchi

    my suggestion: take a day off, go to a coffee shop, eat whatever you want and wrote what u “missed” from your life before, be it activites or personalities you have had. and try to relive/enjoy it (if situation allows) and wrote down how you felt about it at this moment now. For activities that you may enjoy you may try to incorporate into your daily life, while activities you no longer enjoy, there’s no point missing it. If you feel u missed the opportunities to connect to people, you actually can make any effort now to connect, either with other mummies, a new acquaintance etc.
    Of course it is easier said than done. But these are some of the things i do when i need some soul-searching.
    Anyway all the best to you.

  • Yingli

    Hi Audrey! Thank you so much for always being honest in sharing your thoughts with us. I am not a mother. But somehow I share the same feelings as you. All I want to say is just be Audrey.

  • Zanne

    Hi Audrey, thank you for sharing your heart.

    Being a wife/a working mom/daughter/friend/everything, I am too emotionally exhausted to a point it affected my productivity and I just told my hubs a couple of days back. When I read your blog post, I am tearing! It really resonated with me. I am grateful for the life that I have but here is this ineffable void, I don’t know what is it, but acknowledging it, is a first step.

    You are an amazing mom and wife! Whatever you choose to do, enjoy every moment of it! Love

  • Angela Chia

    I feel exactly the same way 2yrs into motherhood. I couldn’t figure out what it was because it seems strange to have postnatal depression after 2yrs of motherhood. Was on the verge of seeking counselling help because I feel so disconnected, negative and angsty all the time. It was really hurting me, my daughter and my husband. Can really identify with what you mean by the lack of identity. I started asking myself who am i beside being a mummy and a wife. And even so I still feel that I’m not doing good enough with those roles. I took a hiatus from my own work at that point of time to care for my girl. But alas, it was my hubby who keep pushing me back to work that I start to regain back my life and my identity. My 2nd child is coming soon and while it worry me that I might backslide, I hope I am prepared now that I am aware of it. Like you say, being aware is the first step. At that time when people keep telling me I need to have a life besides being a mother, I’m like… have you seen me??? It’s not as though we can just dump our kids aside.

    You are truly a great mummy! I hope you will find a niche for yourself again!!

  • Mavis

    Hi Angela, I’m feeling exactly the same as you do! My girl is 2yo now and I started to have the insomnia problem early this year that brought me to see a psychiatrist. I asked him the same question which was ‘is it common to have post natal depression after 2 years?’ I’m just unhappy, lost confidence and everyday dealing with a crying screaming toddler…i just wish someone could tell me when I could see the light at the end of tunnel…

  • Mavis

    Thank you for this blog post, I teared as I read. I wanted a baby badly 2 year ago, was blessed to finally have one and why I am now complaining? Being a mother is really not as easy as I thought, we are only human after all….

  • Shelby

    Dear Audrey, it is ok to feel down. We are human and we have emotions. Don’t feel bad about feeling what you have mentioned above. Everyone walks different path and write a different story. Go take a break from everything and give yourself a little good treat. I am sure Timothy will let you go and have a time out for you. All of us will breakdown somewhere in life. I am not a mother yet but I totally understand how you feel – emotionally exhausted. We juggle different things at different stages of life. I feel shit every single day too actually where most of my friends and family say ” hey you are so lucky that you can study overseas, go out and have fun ; your fb always show wonderful photos of me hanging out or go for outings with friends ; etc etc etc”. But what they didn’t know how much tears I have shed behind all the social media platforms, how much fake smiley faces I have shown to the outside world when inside of me feels so shitty and f-ed up. So please go and have a break and discover yourself. Mental health and physical health is so much more important. Cheer up Audrey. I hope this virtual hug that I am sending can make you feel a little better. Take care Audrey. You da best! xx

  • Mellyana Lim

    Hi Audrey, i have never commented before on your blog even tho i have been a reader for many years but this time i cud really feel u in this post… i have 2 kids myself 13 mths apart only.. my boy is 4.5 and my girl is 3.5….n i go thru the exact same thing like u everyday! tho i have no helper nor fam as i am in perth so i literally do everything with no absolute help.. i too just like u get angry every single day n wen it gets bad i cry n break down n ask myself what is wrong with my kids… they r up n go 24 7 and super loud! ..endless energy and ughhh i need not tell u abt the fights they have… everything is just fightable between them.. from nappy to toys to tables/chairs…even fighting over daddy… i am still going thru this every single day n as bad as it sounds, i enjoy going to work! to me thats my me time… thats wen i dont get angry… my point is… i just wan u to know that ur not alone… n if u were local, we cud probably laugh or cry abt how we r feeling over a cuppa… ps if u find a solution let me know.. i cud use sum cheering up myself.. =)

  • Jannie Cheah

    It’s ok to feel the way you do now. Can I suggest while you plan your life around the most important people in your life, leave one day or half day to yourself. Sort of like me time. Once a week. And be ready to say no without feeling guilty. I know you want to help Tim. But if it is breaking you, just let go. You can still be the supportive wife by listening to him. I’m sure he will understand. Many things may have to take a back burner at this point. I gave up some and gain some when my kids were growing up. Now that they have grown up, I picked up where I have left off. I find new hobbies. Make new friends, live the life I couldn’t have when the kids were growing up.
    Hope you are feeling better and make it through this tough period. I agree with one of the readers. Seek help. Talk to the professionals. Don’t struggle alone.

  • Suraya Akhbar

    Hey Audrey. Thanks for this beautiful write up. I recently feel somewhat the same, like I don’t know who I am anymore. I think back at the time I was in college/uni, so happy, funny and sociable. Nowadays I don’t even know what to talk about when i see my friends as my brain feels so tired to even bother. The past few years have been focussed on getting a more relaxed job, getting married then pregnant, giving birth and now raising my 1.5yo. I rarely travel cos i’m always tired. I rarely read anymore, unless they’re my son’s. I wake up not knowing who i am and where i’m headed in life. What happened to my career aspirations? Why dont i have anything to say anymore? Why am i tired all the time. I even thought to myself how did i fake being so fun back in college. Reading this makes me realize that perhaps our circumstances shape/change us. And definitely, we can change back! I had to go outstation earlier this year for work leaving my family behind. While my heart aches everyday missing them i enjoyed eating what and when i want, having time for makeup and SHOWERS! I can finish plenty of books. I can sleep aloneeee on a very comfy bed! I dont have to carry my son and his many stuffs #badmom I came back energized though. Hopefully enough to figure out my next step. You definitely need time away. With both you & tim working, maybe he can share more kid/household duties with you. Wishing you and all moms all the happiness!! Good luck in your pursuit of happiness xx

  • angela

    Dear Audrey,
    Been following u for awhile now (sinece fighter’s birth) u have been thru hell n came back so strong, this too shall passed and let u look at life in a new light again…take ur time find ur passion n love again.have ur allocated “Audtime” doing things that make u happy n rested…
    Its really ok to be not ok sometimes, jia you we all have such days but better days are ahead of u! Cheers!

  • fourfeetnine

    “Audtime” hahahaha thank you for taking the time to write such nice things T____T

  • fourfeetnine

    Yes I know exactly!!! If I have to travel without the kids, I get stressed out and guilty but it feels so good to just do whatever I wanna do hahahaha

  • fourfeetnine

    Wah since Japan days ah! Yea I really love it that my kids (and husband lolol) are so attached to me but I just really need a break I guess.

    Hahahaha yea I’m lazy but yes charity! I’m actually thinking of getting more involved cos within the last few years after kids I was more passive and didn’t do as much already. Will check out the book you recommended!

  • fourfeetnine

    So good to hear from someone who’s been there done that 😀 Thank you. One day a week seems a bit impossible at this point but Tim and I talked about maybe a few weeks a year that we take to just relax and remember who we are before kids. ^^

  • fourfeetnine

    You are so much stronger than me! I felt really guilty about my feelings cos I feel like my life already very good got helper and family around. I really respect moms with no help for holding it together 🙂

  • fourfeetnine

    Yea it’s true that everyone is going through their own struggles that other people may not be aware of. Hope my blog post makes people see that everyone feels the same way and that it’s ok 😀

  • fourfeetnine

    T____T Big hugs to you

  • fourfeetnine

    OMG I had insomnia this year too! Maybe it’s cos of this too hahaha. :X

  • fourfeetnine

    Thank you for your comment cos I think there’s some solidarity that we’re all going through this together 🙂

  • fourfeetnine

    T_____T Big hugs to you too and I hope things improve for you as well

  • fourfeetnine

    And you be Yingli ok? Hahahahaha

  • fourfeetnine

    Thank you! It’s not that I totally don’t go out and have dinner with my friends and all that. But maybe it’s not the same cos I keep thinking I have to get back to the kids etc. But yes will try different things to figure out what will really make me happy

  • fourfeetnine

    Yea same! Even though the kids are adorable or sweet at my lowest point none of it mattered T____T I hope we all find our happiness 🙂

  • fourfeetnine

    Thank you so much for your comment. It really makes me and I think the other moms here feel less alone cos it turns out we’re all going through the same thing! And yea perfect moms make me feel worse about myself hahahaha so better don’t read hahahaha

  • fourfeetnine

    Wah good on you for taking steps to fix your issues! Hope it helps and that your tough period passes soon 🙂

  • fourfeetnine

    I love your quotes! Thank you for commenting and for appreciating my flaws hahahahaha

  • fourfeetnine

    Thank you! Yea I do feel better now that we’ve sort of diagnosed the problem. This just happens to be a down in my life but like everyone else, I’ll work on getting past it. 🙂

  • fourfeetnine

    True also hahaha. Thank you so much for commenting. I like the line about superheroes hehe

  • fourfeetnine

    Yes we are normal! hahahaha

  • fourfeetnine

    YAAA I was so inspired when she told me she was going on this trip! Maybe I plan too wtf

  • fourfeetnine

    Thank you Michael!

  • jamie tan

    Like most of the other comments, i have been a silent reader. But i think your post spoke to many of the mother’s heart. Who are we and how did we lose ourselves when we became mothers? I am a FTWM in SG, i have a 26m old girl and a 6m old boy and i just returned to work after maternity leave. Everyday i am struggling. I struggle to go work and i feel guilty that i dont have time for my kids. And at work i struggle because i know my priority is my kids and i cant commit more than the usual hours at work. I rush off once the clock hits 6pm. Once at home its trying to split myself to spend time with each of the babies before their bed time and then to have my dinner and to settle their shower. And then i also need to pack my girl’s sch bag for the next day. And on top of these i have to make sure the milk powder container is filled, to make sure the diaper tray is filled. I have a helper but i still try to be hands on as much as i can. Weekends are worst, i spend the time taking my girl to the play ground. I try to spend time with my boy. Trying to make each of them not feel neglected. And then its the only time i can open new toys with them. And i try to cook for them too. I dont know what else i do except for the kids. Once in a while i force myself to have dinner appointments but i end up feeling guilty and the need to rush home before their bed time. Its crazy but i always thought it was the life of a mother. My husband suggested we take a getaway on our own. But i told him i cant do it. I know i cant let go and i will be worried sick about the kids schedule, about who is going to make them sleep and all. The grass is always greener on the other side. And things always look awesome on social media, but behind it all is an exhausted mom. But i always tell myself, they are only little once, if we miss this period of their lives, we miss it forever and there will come a day where they dont need me anymore. Till then, ill jus be a Mother. I will find myself back one day, when my babies grow up! Just wanted to share my life – so you know you are not alone! Hope you find your happiness soon. Hang in there, the days can only get better! 🙂

  • Jane

    I don’t have children yet but I understand the feeling. For me, it’s that “Oh I am getting older and I should be doing something more with my life” feeling but in reality I am not. We see movies and the females in those movies are in their 30s and thriving. Somehow we believe we must be so too. And there’s also the getting older and we see people younger than us so carefree, thus the jealousy sets in..but if you look at it objectively, everything is fine. Sometimes, to put it bluntly, it’s all in our heads. Cheer up kay, I know it’s not easy but practice mindfulness and take it one day at a time…

  • Jessie Ooi

    always, you come out with very good posts. thanks for sharing. was thinking, an activity you can try is… maybe meditating? I have trouble to sit still and meditate myself, but i heard wonders from people practicing it.

  • Jo Lin Wong

    Dear Audrey,

    What you facing is not uncommon. Don’t worry.

    I am not the best person to give you advice. However I reckon a nice break, a short getaway alone or with friends will help. Take a breather. You deserve a short break somewhere.Even a simple two days relaxing in kl with your friends will really help your situation.

    I feel that taking care of children is a full time job. The responsibilies are much more than any job out there. Also no mc and PH for mother. It can be v exhausting.

    Take care.Always wishing the best for you and your family.Hugs.

  • Jeanette K. Morris

    You are not alone. I am not a mother yet. But few weeks ago I was questioning myself everything you questioned in this post. Even instagrammed bout what I was feeling cos I felt like in a bubble of everyone else’s life – my husband wife, daughter to my parents, a sister to my sibling, holding the fort strong while my colleague frequently went for her kid’s doctor appointment; here I was watching other ppl’s life shifting. In the end of endless doubting myself I told myself it could be midlife crisis. Cause none of them esp my husband would understand the constant tiredness having to fulfill their need until I burst out in tears just simply…I am tired fulfilling needs. U should go karaoke n screan your lungs out. Thats what i do. I’d feel like a superstar afterwards but dont go karaoke with your friend who is a very good singer lolololol. It sustains your happiness for at least a week or two. Repeat if needed. Lololol. Xhugs!

  • MAXXX

    Would be a great article without the random “wtf” phrases here and there.

  • Rach

    First things first~

    *rolls over you with all the love*

    This is why, you my dear have .. .many MANY followers. You have always as far as I remember.. been honest about your feelings and this is how most of us relate to you.

    I don’t think what you are going through is uncommon but how you are managing it is.. by far.. probably better than most people.

    In this day and age where your social media pretty much defines your status as a ‘whatever’.. be it a mom, a blogger, a wife.. etc etc etc.. I think sometimes.. we ourselves forget that we are human and we have flaws.. we all have obstacles to go through and this thing you are going through.. is very much just one of those things in life.

    Aud~ all of those identities make you exactly who you are and sometimes, it isn’t a bad thing to take a step back from those things just to evaluate where you are with yourself and ask, if you are happy. I’m glad you recognised it and took the step to learn/move forward.

    I went through something similar not too long ago where things became a ‘routine’ and I was quickly becoming ‘not myself’. It took a lot to admit that hey, I need help and not just.. admitting that I need help but getting the help itself.

    So, be strong, hold on.

    You’ve got the world behind you <3

    Much love,
    Rach

  • Cek Li

    Thanks for your honesty Audrey. I appreciate you writing this for us and yourself. . You expressed it so well for so many of us who could not articulate it. I have a daughter who is fighter’s age and all your struggles are so real to me. I became a mum at 37 so I was so used to my freedom and carefree days. I sometimes feel so tired fulfilling my family’s needs first..always ..that it has eaten me up so much. I love my girl and family very much. But I think it is time that we learn to love ourself first so we have more to give to them. Your article is a great reminder for me. Keep writing and take care ya.

  • Cai Jin Xiu

    Actually.. I feel u.. like an over stretched rubber band. My weekends are burnt in a good way.. bringing baby out (my husband’s in retail line) and my mil can only help to take care of my baby during my working hours (mon to fri) i couldn’t go out (by myself) and I lost the ME. I feel u need to unwind yourself totally. Like arrange for something that u like and go do it. Or if blogging/ writing’s for u, we will be “here”. 🙂