AudVerbalDiarrhea

Roadmap

Jammie told me she met a friend who gave concrete proof that my ex, a very big shit stirrer with a very big nose (in other people’s business) was, if not cheating, definitely lying to me.

It was years ago but I am vindicated and totally justified in my loathing for him.

Funny how life turns out.

Some time back I read an article off Super Kawaii Mama’s blog written by a woman who thought that Disney princesses were inappropriate role models because there is no such thing in the real world as “happily ever after”.

And I was outraged because I thought what was the problem with little girls being optimistic and believing in happily ever after? Doesn’t that just give them something good to look forward to in their futures? I believe in happily ever afters and I turned out perfectly okay (open to interpretation wtf)

But how can we say there are happy endings when there are divorces and deaths galore wtf. Men cheat on their partners all the time, and apparently so do women. Or you grow old and your husband dies and your kids put you in a nursing home. Is that your happy ending?

How do you know where you need to go to make sure you get your happy ending? Who should I marry? Are we going to stay married? (hopefully) Am I going to be able to have kids? (hopefully, and maintain a well-shaped vagina) Am I going to die before them? (yes please)

And not just that, how do you know you’re on the job that’s right for you? That’s been bugging me for two days now wtf. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job (to whoever who asks, I will tell you that it is true, I am an international spy with the CIA) but how do I know if I’m MEANT to be in this career?

Some people have a calling or a vocation and they know right away when they grow up what they’re going to be and go away and be a great success. It’s easier if you have a specific talent.

Like, if I had perfect pitch and big lungs, I’d audition for Broadway. Or Glee! Or if I were taller I could be a model WTF.
(but I could never give up my night vision that comes with being a midget)*

The problem with life is, you can say it’s like a box of chocolates yadda yadda but the fact of the matter is you never know what’s coming next. Or if you made the right decision. So wouldn’t it be great if we all had a roadmap to our lives?

Like turn right and you’ll meet the guy whom you’ll fall head over heels for but who will eventually turn abusive. Continue along this road and embark on your award winning career as an author but never get married. Or go downhill and overdose on pills.

Some tech dependent people will probably ask for a GPS instead but I don’t think that would work as well. A GPS doesn’t get it right all the time — it will tell you you’re on the wrong road but by looking at the GPS at a junction, you wouldn’t be able to tell where each road would lead you to.

It should be clear by now that I don’t like surprises (unless they come in a shopping bag!) if only everyone was born with like a life roadmap tattooed to their ass wtf.

I was looking at the section of the latest Mount Holyoke Alumnae Quarterly where they publish updates of what MHC alums are doing, all the way back to class of 1930 and I thought I wish I could read what it says about me when I’m dead WTF before realizing how macabre a thought it was.

So hello to my 26th 25th 26th year (what year is it for you when you turn 25!?). I’ll still be praying for a roadmap (fruitlessly)

(done by the very amazing Miao of Akiraceo.com)

  • http://www.cheahlisa.blogspot.com Lisa Cheah

    Happy Birthday Audrey!

    And I dont believe in a “Happy ever after” either, but I agree with what you say. For, I think happy ever after is something we can alter to fit what we want in life and how we view things.

    Hrm, I make no sense when trying to make sense.

    But, if today is your birthday HAPPY BIRTHDAY AUDREY!
    HOPE YOU GROW OLD FABULOUSLY!

  • Bob

    Your friends and family are your GPS. They will guide you along. Don’t worry too much, but it is good to have visions etc. I think you’re doing good. I guess.

    Salamat hali jadi.

  • http://constantlygenova.blogspot.com Genova

    happy birthday audrey

  • http://www.tianchad.com TianChad

    Haha the kawaii sparkling eye + the pearl necklace ;p

    We write our own roadmap, now your roadmap reached at “Audrey + Timothy” status, later could be “1 children”, “3 children”, “12 football kids” +++

    It all depends on you =D

  • bee

    happy birthday audrey…

    One question, how it feel like when you turn 25? 🙁 i hate to think and i hate to know im goin to be 25 🙁

  • http://bigcowgoesmootoo.blogspot.com/ Big Cow

    Happy Birthday Audrey! 😀

  • http://kyspeaks.com KY

    tak payah tulis peta jalan, ikut aje apa apa yang mari!

  • http://www.shaolintiger.com ShaolinTiger

    Yah there is such a thing as happily every after, but kids should be taught whatever your version of happily ever you have to work damn hard for it be it career or relationships.

    Anything is possible.

    And happy birthday 😀

  • Mrs G

    Mrs G:

    Have been a silent fan until today. What roadmap? I can’t even plan what’s for dinner tonight but I do know we’d have dinner.. kids n hubby would say what they want (or don’t want) usually..
    So -aim to be happy.. stick to simple plans (boyfriend – check!, job – check! health – check! family – check!) and ofcourse, contingencies’ always good…

    Oh..happy belated birthday and have a great year!

    Now that I mention dinner – steak n potatoes sounds good ;p

  • http://rosewong.com ahlost

    Happy 25th years old 😉

    and.. I hope to believe in Happily Ever After too.. 😡

  • http://www.sixthseal.com Huai Bin

    I like this post, very honest and well written. OMG this sounds like spam but I’m not a spambot! I am a human!!!

    Anyway, I like the CIA bit, and have been thinking a lot about life too.

    Happily ever after? All seek to attain that, few reach it.

    I hope you do Aud!

  • http://www.winniekepala.com WinnieKepala

    Good post.

    I know what it feels like. I think most people go through their birthday with a little reflection of life It is normal to feel lost and wonder about life at times. This is only healthy for you to keep yourself on track, if you’re being true to yourself, if you’re enjoying life, are you getting towards what you want in life, etc.

    Stop pondering too much and just have a blast of a birthday!!!!

  • doremon

    can u stop using this “WTF”….u r an educated person, u shouldn’t keep on using this “WTF” on your blog to miss lead your blog reader…u re so immature

  • http://www.clumsypanda.com SiaLingLing

    happy birthday.. cheers..

  • http://stalkingeyecandies.blogspot.com LishyWishy

    Happy Birthday Audrey!!
    Since you’re Princess Audrey most of the time, is your special day the only day when you become Queen Audrey instead??

    Personally, I don’t believe in ‘Happily Ever Afters’, life is only what you make of it.

    Sure, there are many ways you can live your life but if you find that you’re quite content most of the time; then I think you just might be on the right track all along 😉

  • http://fourfeetnine.com Audrey

    lisa: thank you! it was actually 2 weeks ago haha i was just rambling

    bob: ooo thats a very nice thought – friends and family being your gps 🙂 what if u have none WTF

    genova: thanks!

    tianchad: ya so cute right hahaha

    bee: haha it doesnt feel so different.. only thing is i do feel like i should start acting more mature now..

    big cow: thank u!

    ky: i will follow you~~~ wtf

    shaolintiger: thank u man with the best email addresses!

    mrs g: hahaha but how do u know ur in the right job — ok i won’t continue 😀

    ahlost: ya *fairytale

    hb: i hope u do too hb!

    winnie: haha thanks winnie!

  • http://fourfeetnine.com Audrey

    sialingling: thanks!

    doremon: haha oh please do yourself a favor and shut up. the only person who would get “misled” by WTF is you. pls dont patronize everyone else by saying they are so easily misled. and i don’t get how WTF is “misleading” either.

    lishywishy: thanks lisha!

  • http://jimmyteh90.blogspot.com/ Jimmu

    Happy Birthday! Have a GOOD ONe! Remember to wish something for me too lol =]

  • http://cindykhor.blogspot.com Cindy Khor

    happy birthday to you, audrey.

    i do wish that somehow, or no matter how, you will be able to find the suitable path for yourself, not the right one, nor the certain one, just the one that you feel comfortable and happy with, if you get what i mean..

    don’t think too much ya.. what we can do is just try to walk as many paths as possible while we are still able to.. without the wheelchair or walking stick of course..

  • http://livingfootprints.com.au Grace

    Happy birthday everyone!

    For a moment there I was like HUH… Your birthday again? And then yeh.. just figured it out.

    Anyway… food for thought… and mother Grace kicking in… You WILL NEVER be happy if you’re always wondering if you are in the right job, with the right guy, or going the right direction. Take life as it is. YES it could be better, but it comes to the choices you make, and hence requires taking responsibility for those choices you make. THEN you’ve got to make the decision in your head that “this is what I am doing now” and ENJOY it… otherwise everything would be shitty., and the grass will always be greener on the other side… and there will always be a effing bunch of what IFs. Be content and appreciative of all the positives that are around you f*** the rest. 🙂 hehehe. Do what you do with who you are with whole heartedly, because then you are living in the moment ya?

    OK. breathe. Hmmm i should take my own advice!

    You can’t just believe in Ever After, you have to Make it Happily Ever After, which afterall is a state of contentment and joy.

    Love love!

  • ronin

    Hahaha, very entertaining post. At times your ‘silliness’ makes you so endearing.

    On the serious side, the ‘happily ever after’ or the perfect job thingy is way over rated and impossible. Don’t waste time on it, just live life to the best of your ability, plan well, make the right choices and be happy. Otherwise, you’ll be sitting under the Bodhi tree meditating like Buddha trying to search for the elusive perfect happiness. Or ya, Haaaaapy Birthday!

  • cindy

    do you think you have the face to be a model? like fucking thick make up you have there

  • http://fourfeetnine.com Audrey

    jimmu: ok i will!

    cindy khor: thanks cindy may you be happy with what you have

    grace: why u wish happy birthday to EVERYONE hahaha. but u have a very good point 🙂

    ronin: thanks ronin!

    cindy: do u have the brains to type anything besides your name? if you open your eyes bigger you’ll see there’s a big WTF after that model line. anyway without makeup also my face prettier than yours wtf

  • http://teycindy.com Tey Cindy

    have u heard of a play called “Into The Woods”? i think u’ll like the 2nd half of it. All fairy tale princesses come out & complain about marriage LOL

  • Bob

    WTF WTF WTF!!!

  • http://jadetofu.blogspot.com/ Jadetofu

    cindy : do you think you have the face of an asswipe? like the f*cking stench you emit wtf

  • felicia

    Into the Woods sounds interesting lol!!

    And Aud, in reference to the why tell lies about happy endings, I’ve had that question posed to me by a friend for awhile now too… But I guess my answer’s the same: coz you can’t live without Hope. =) After all, what was last to come out of Pandora’s Box was Hope hahahaa

    I want a roadmap too!! Or at least some road signs at least no?? SIGH!

  • http://bubblewrapped.tumblr.com mello

    Happy belated birthday! I think your idea on having a roadmap is FAWESOME! And yes, if only we were all born with it tattooed somewhere somehow…