AudBaby AudSuay

More updates from the hospital

Taking up from where I left off, the five days or so after I delivered Fighter was quite an emotionally trying time for me.

Preeclampsia is supposed to resolve after delivery and I naively thought that once the baby and placenta were out, my blood pressure and everything else would go back to normal almost immediately.

In mild cases it does apparently but as my doctor never fails to remind me, mine was extremely severe and as such, it might not resolve right away. T_T

But I wasn’t prepared for worsening symptoms!  I some more thought I’d be out of the hospital in a few days but instead my blood pressure got higher and higher WTF.

At times it was worse than even the worst reading before my delivery.  I’m still at risk of having seizures which is why I’m still stuck here for observation and care.

But every time the reading came back high, I’d get very upset and cry.  I worried that maybe my preeclampsia was so bad that it’s impacted me permanently.  That I’d developed chronic hypertension at age 28 and was stuck dealing with it forever.  And I worried about how it would affect my life and caring for Fighter and having future kids wtf. (Not that I want a lot of kids la I just like having options).

Coupled with the pain of a C section recovery… it wasn’t pretty wtf.  Sitting up was already a bitch, what more getting in and out of bed to go to the toilet.  So painful until I nearly asked for the catheter back up my pee hole so I wouldn’t have to force myself to get out of bed.  Before the operation I couldn’t stand up straight cos I was too heavy, but now I cannot stand up cos it was too painful fml.  I don’t know what recovery from natural birth feels like but I dunno why anyone would do an elective C section if they knew how shitty the recovery was gonna be.  And painkillers didn’t even seem to work to reduce the pain.

Looking back on it now, it’s possible that it was post natal blues after all.  I felt quite unhappy and irritable and even had trouble sleeping (which NEVER happens for me).

To be honest, I didn’t even want to have any visitors.  My BP was still high so activity was still discouraged and I was actually thankful for that.  The thought of seeing anyone and having to make conversation was exhausting.  I knew people cared about me and wanted to know if I’m okay and I really didn’t feel like acting okay when I wasn’t.

I didn’t even tell my parents about this!  They were already so worried and I dunno if they can take it wtf.  One night only I confessed to Fatty and cried more.  FML.

Then I also hated the way I looked.  I was still bloated, my stomach still looked pregnant even though there was no baby — I thought it was gross how it was big but not firm like during pregnancy.  I crazily thought I’d be ugly forever and I really didn’t wanna see anyone looking like this.

Thankfully two days ago it passed!  I started peeing loads and lost 5kg in 2 days.  Yesterday only I realized I could see my wrists again hahaha.  My double chin (seriously I actually had one of those) disappeared.  I actually had a tube (like a pool float) around my hips which was all wobbly and full of water and depressed the hell out of me but even that started to go down.  So I started feeling better about myself.

Then as I recovered from the surgery I got more mobile and could visit Fighter more often!  And I got to do kangaroo care with Fighter!  Which made the whole world seem more colorful wtf.

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Kangaroo care is supposed to be good for Fighter but I think it was nearly as beneficial for me too. ^^ Although the first time I held him I burst into tears. T___T Then Fighter also started crying and it was just a very emo experience hahaha.

UntitledOur first ever photo as a family!  Too bad I look like shit.  I’ve taken over Fatty’s role as the Fatty in our relationship wtf.

But this Fighter very smart leh!  In his incubator he’s usually very restless and kicks around a lot even when he’s sleeping.  But when I pick him up he straight

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Happy feet.  He’s very red because he hasn’t had time to put on fat yet and his skin is super thin.  But I think yesterday and today he looks less red already!

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My favorite photo EVER.  Fatty put his hand in to touch his son and this Fighter just gripped his finger and wouldn’t let go. T_____T

Maybe he heard Fatty’s voice and recognized him as his daddy.  And the look in Fatty’s eyes as he stroked Fighter… all the wonder and tenderness on his face made me fall in love with him a little more.

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Fighter developed jaundice one day and they had to put him under the light.  He usually wears a little preemie diaper but the doctor wanted to maximize the light on his skin so they let him wear a face mask (which will let in more light) instead. HAHAHAHAHA.  The strings make him look like he’s wearking a bikini ahhahahaha damn cute.

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Fighter holding Daddy’s hand again. He never hold my hand leh! Then can see this Fatty melting again.  Clever ah this baby knows the way to a man’s heart wtf.

So in summary I’m doing much better now!  Fighter is going strong and even managed to gain some weight the last two days and looks chubbier now.  And while my BP is still high the past day looks like it’s slowly coming down bit by bit.  I’m on the road to recovery!!!

Cannot wait till the both of us can go home and be a normal family.

  • Lumx

    Those pics of fighter are beyond gorgeous! And am glad u r (and feeling) much better. Every time i read posts abt ur new family, i am reduced to a teary mess. In ozland, we say, “you’ll be ‘right, mate!”

  • Anonymous

    HIEEE just saw a pic of you and fighter on instagram!! You look every bit like a gorgeous mammy!!! much love x

  • chriserenaa

    You stay strong girl!! makes me remember my first touch with my daughter.She was smiling in responding to her daddy voice.You are already one step away from danger.Now keep stepping forward in making Jude a chubby baby like Fatty :)) Jia you girl!!

  • Lisa

    I went natural and it took 6 months for the pain to subside. So yeah, delivering a baby is never fun

  • Ezanne

    Hi Audrey,nI’ve been a silent reader all along but your experience with Fighter made me wanna give u n hubby a shout of encouragement. I’m a first time mummy as well and my dear daughter is 2.5mths old. I went thru c sect too (thou elective, I was afraid of labour n couldn’t wait to pop :p) and trust me, u’ll feel better as the days pass. I’m v petite as well at just 5ft and I put on 12kg for my pregnancy. I lost much of my weight in the 1st mth so you will too! Hang on dear…both of u have come so far, u n son will be just fine. Come one day, u’ll look back and miss the days with ur newborn. I was browsing through Chloe’s pics and vids that we’ve taken and feel like crying….she’s growing up so fast!

  • huei jean

    Oh you can kangaroo care now!! That’s awesome! nIt was so hard to pee after the remove the catheter though. And 5 metres of walk way felt like forever. nn Stay strong Audrey! You will both go home very soon!

  • Anonymous

    Renal denervation is available in Malaysia. Talk to a vascular surgeon. I am not sure if it is suitable if you have detected protein in your urine. But it is an option for those who cannot control blood pressure with medication. I will keep you and Fighter in my prayers. Get well soon. Are you really Four Feet Nine?

  • Anonymous

    About Renal Denervation, not vascular surgeon, i think it is interventional radiologist.

  • Anonymous

    Stay strong, wishing the best for you and your family!

  • Fourfeetnine

    6 months!! Pain where? Did you have a tear?

  • Fourfeetnine

    What did you do to get back to your original weight!! Lol

  • J

    Hi there,nJust want to say that u r so strong & brave & that u look gorgeous after birth :)nPost natal blues is common..I had it in all 3 pregnancies…just remember this when u feel shitty…that this shitty feeling is only temporary n that it will pass. Take care n I’m sure u’ll be a great mama

  • Amy

    Thank you for sharing your story… though it’s very personal life story, but you are willing to share, and it’s very touching instead :`)nwishing all the best, all the blessing to you & family!ngambate ne!!!n

  • Eryn Wong

    Dear Audrey, I’ve been praying for you and fighter, hopefully both of you will be able to go home soon. Seeing him lying in the incubator with lots of tubes and ‘wires’ attached to him really breaks my heart. Wishing the both of you be strong and healthy 🙂 You are a brave woman and so is Fighter, a strong little one. Rest well and hope to your smiling face soon! God bless you~

  • Mingfoong

    Dear Audrey! 🙂 nGlad that you’re doing better now! :)nShowed my mum your entry about Fighter’s delivery and well, it reminds her of her experince delivering my elder brother prematurely too somewhat 32 year ago, and that make her tears :’) But don’t you worry, my elder brother is now getting nowhere but the fat-but-strong-and-build category. You are the brave-proud-mother of Fighter yo! 🙂 nGet well soon, and keep fighting! <3

  • Francesca

    thank u for sharing the stories, aud nI would never thought the blues that uv been experiencing cos you always smile in your instaphoto and reading the blog, you telling how you feel but with your kind sense of humor. I feel sympathy but also laugh cos you are really funny.nbaby looks adorable, aud! nget well soon!

  • meimeizoe

    Hi Audrey, How are you doing?nI want to thank you for sharing your experience. Many people are still unaware about pre-eclampsia. In fact, I had a colleague who had the same experience like you two years ago; I shared with her about you, and she told me many people do not understand her feelings. Her baby was very small, but now, he’s already two :)nKeep sharing!

  • Anonymous

    So glad those hard times are gone for good! Can imaginechiw bad you felt. So happy Jude is home now!

  • Anonymous

    You know, I have a cs with my son and recovery was fast and easy cous i was to eager to take care of him and too happy. But tear before that I had lost a pregnancy and that was much harder. Because i was defeated. nMaybe your worrring about baby made it harder for you.

  • KIYASWAGGER

    Hah lol girl cute baby fighter everybody non here grown

  • KIYASWAGGER

    Even thigh if ur boyfriend cheat u have to stick together cause this bit in my class’s dad left him and I felt so sorry ur baby has to know who dad is I know if u knew fighter has to know to so he can tell his kids hopefully that won’t happen