Okay must put disclaimer first later people think I humble brag wtf. So we’re very lucky to have a driver who’s a nice man at that.
But nice man or not, I still had to be an asshole to him wtf.
So when school first started for the year, and when I was still a bit unfamiliar with Fighter’s school’s complicated pick up and drop off system, our driver (whom we shall call N) would take me and the kids to their respective schools. Our route would be: drop Fighter off at school, then go home to get Penny and take her to school. Then we’d go pick Fighter up from his school, and then drive over to Penny’s to get her.
So there’s always this long ass line to pick up from Fighter’s school. Everyone is super kiasu cos we have to go in one by one, so most parents and transporters arrive before the gates open and just line up their cars outside.
One day, I suddenly felt the pressing urge to go to the toilet wtf. I swear I have undiagnosed irritable bowel syndrome la cos I forever get stomach aches that cannot wait one wtf. So after cold sweating it out a couple of minutes in the car, I told N, uh hey why don’t you wait here in line and I’ll walk into school grounds and pick Fighter up personally cos I really need to use the bathroom.
N said he really needed to go to the bathroom too WTF. But I was like sorry bro I go first ok wtf. Cos what to do he doesn’t have the authorization to walk in to pick Fighter anyway. :X And somebody needs to jaga the car isn’t it. :X
So off I careened through the school gates.
Once inside and having picked Fighter up, my stomach churning subsided. While I was contemplating if I should risk it or just go to the bathroom, Fighter suddenly piped up that he absolutely had to pee too. Oh god.
I asked a teacher where the nearest bathroom was, and she told me that while the boys’ was nearby, the girls’ bathroom was all the way across the school compound. Made the executive decision to not poop after all and hustled Fighter to the boys’ bathroom, which was the high school one (his kindergarten is connected to a high school).
I’ve forgotten how bad school toilets can smell. It stank so bad my eyes nearly started watering.
Fighter, completely forgetting his need to pee, backed out of the bathroom, yelling, “Why so smelly!? I don’t want to pee anymore!” WTF.
Fine fine fine. If he can hold it, we can get out of there faster. And if he can’t, well, that’s what the bucket in my car is for wtf.
Exited the school and found our car and got in. Strapped Fighter in his car seat and settled down myself. N suddenly spoke up, “Er Audrey, is there a toilet in school?”
Just at that moment when N asked me that, my stomach started spinning like a carousel again. It occurred to me that N had sacrificed his chance to go to the toilet earlier for ME to go to the toilet. And I didn’t go in the end, but now when he wanna go, I wanna go again WTF.
Now this is the part where I am a horrible person.
I was suddenly in intense pain and I thought I might drop a load there and then in the car. So I lied. I said, “Uh, the toilet is really far in, cannot go. Why don’t you drive to Penny’s school and we can go there.”
N, being a very nice man, didn’t say anything and just kept driving. Meanwhile, my stomach was doing the salsa and I was breaking out in cold sweat in the backseat. I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it to Penny’s school.
Thank heavens there was a petrol station coming up ahead! I told N to stop there and to my consternation, N continued driving at his same, steady pace. Maybe it’s his way of getting back at me hahahaha.
When we got to the petrol station, I hopped out of the car, shouting, “I GO FIRST! TAKE CARE OF JUDE!” because by then my sphincter muscles were doing overtime and I really thought I might collapse on the road in a brown puddle hahahahaha.
Ran-waddled to the toilet behind the station and…. oh sweet release wtf.
When I came out ten minutes later, there was a line forming in front of the toilet door. O_O
Brisk walked back to the car, keenly aware that not only did N have to wait for me to go, he also has to wait behind this bunch of people FHL max.
And before I reached the car, N was already jumping out and making a run for the toilet hahahahahaahha omg I am going to hell for this.
And that’s the story of the day I was an asshole (pun not intended) to our driver. I’m not proud of it but I was thinking with my waist down by then wtf. And poop stories are always funny hahahahah.
Anyway nothing was harmed in this incident wtf. No accidents happened, not even Fighter who peed in the bucket lolol. And N didn’t resign so that’s good hahahahaha.
The end wtf.
Here’s a bonus photo of Fighter waiting in school with a friend, for the rest of his classmates to arrive so they can walk to class together. <3