‘Twas an infinitely boring weekend.

I arrived in Penang at precisely 3pm on Saturday.

I left Penang at precisely 4pm on Sunday.

Over this period of time, I slept approximately 19 hours.

I even fell asleep on the parquet floor because it was too mind-numbingly boring.

And to make matters worse, when we reached my grandma’s house, she told us that my third uncle had gone to the doctor because of a severe case of rashes. A while later, he came back and me and my mum started talking to him. Then after about 15 minutes, he went off and my mum turned to me and very calmly said, “He has chicken pox, you know.”

Good, mum, good. Do it more often. Thanks for telling me 15 minutes after I stood there breating in pox-y air.

And if THAT is not bad enough, the icing on the cake (figuratively speaking) came when it was time to get into the car for the journey back when Brother Ooi came up to me with a sadistic smile on his face and gleefully announced:

“Cheh, there’s dog-shit on your shoe.”

What the!!

I raced outside to see, yes indeed, my beloved right Converse sneaker had been violated by some dumb dog with bad aim. There was even turd on the shoelace.

I whined to Mummy Ooi about it and she proceeded to say at the top of her lungs (in Cantonese): “Which dog shat on Audrey’s shoe?”

As though the canine culprit is going to raise its right paw and admit it was his doing.

That was my weekend.