Gahaha! Aud Ooi is a free woman!The last few days of my life were spent in misery and anxiety because I thought I was going to go to jail. An American prison, no less.
Being an international student in the States, I was supposed to send in some tax return forms to the IRS by June 15th 2005.
Angela kindly reminded me about it a few days ago. Logging on into the website, I realised with some horror that I was supposed to submit TWO forms, one of which had been mailed to me while I was still at Mt Holyoke, and which I, thinking it was junk mail or something of that importance, either packed it into storage in US or even worse, threw away with the rest of my garbage.
Sei fa hai how like this?! I remember the form I received had my name specifically printed on it, meaning that I cannot simply go find it anywhere online and print it out. Some more the deadline is June 15, what day is it now? Even if I somehow get the school to send me another form, can reach in time meh? Don’t tell me go to jail ah? Or kena expelled from Mount Holyoke?
They probably won’t throw me into prison straightaway.
First they’ll kenakan a fine.
Which I won’t be able to pay since I die die am not telling Parents Ooi, whatever happens.
So for not paying the fine, they’ll toss me into jail and throw away the key.
And Mummy and Daddy Ooi will be taking comfort in the fact that they have once again sent their daughter safely off to US for her higher education when in actual fact, I WILL BE ROTTING AWAY IN A US PRISON WEARING AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT EATING NOT CURRY AND RICE BUT GRAVY AND BURNT GRUEL.
And Angela will have to find a new roommate cos obviously I won’t be around, duh, and I’ll have to make her smuggle in Jap fashion magazines, koala biscuits and facial wash for me.
She said she would ask to be put into jail together with me, but I doubt they would do that. Isn’t it a waste of the taxpayers’ money to put her in jail when she didn’t commit a crime?
I’ll have to pretend that I’m really into geology and ask for a rock pick and then prove I really like rocks by carving chess pieces out of stone. Then every night when everyone else is asleep I have to use the rock pick to dig my way out of prison. It’ll take me 10 years and by that time I will be 30, no, 29, but that is still young and I can still finish my degree and then move to Kyoto to live.
Quite cool leh! I’ll then be known as the chick who escaped Shawshank and have to attend press conferences in a nicely cut white Chanel suit and then write a book about my experience.
Anyway none of that will be happening because the IRS lady has just emailed me this morning, saying that I am mistaken and that I don’t need any form to fill out except for one that I can get online.
So, no Shawshank adventure for me. 🙁
