So.

Me and Angela decided that we would be fit and go swimming.

Trooped over to the gym.

Wondered if we should do stretching exercises before going in, so as to
not get cramps. Firmly decided against it as did not want to stand by
pool with goggles and bathing cap while trying to touch own feet.

Goggles because neither of us can see underwater, and bathing cap
because we feared ruining our dye jobs and because we ambitiously,
naively thought we were going to do this shit every week.

Struggled for a while with bathing caps. Angela’s was too small
for her large head and mine was too big for my thumb-sized one.
Cleverly we exchanged caps. Mine fit her nicely, making her face
look like a perfect circle.

Hers still did not fit me! Next time I should just wear a condom on my head la dammit!

I got it on and it covered my eyes, making me unable to open them,
which added to my non-sight caused by my goggles. (Goggles had strange
way of pushing fat around my eyes to further surround my eyeballs and
making eyeballs pop out. Later, tightness of goggles proved useless, as
water seeped in through them regularly, further blinding me.)

Struggled with cap more, then decide that I would rather have bad hair
for the next few months than wear that monstrosity of a cap.

Spent at least 5 minutes getting into kononnya heated pool.

Spent 15 minutes alternating between swimming a few strokes and pouring water out of my goggles.

Decided that that’s enough exercise for a day and run shivering back to the locker room.

Getting out of the pool, hit knee on pool ladder and now knee is a scary shade of grey.

Realised to our horror that both of us have turned yellow and have headaches and stomachaches.

And there ends our swimming experience (forever).