The inner child arose today when I spent my afternoon reading up the origins of fairy tales online.Did you know that originally fairy tales were folk lore not meant for the ears of children? Most of them sounded like horror stories when I read them and I think almost all incorporated elements of violence, sexuality and murder.

Very scary leh! This is better than reading Russell Lee’s SIngapore Ghost Stories.

Actually some of them I already read the real un-Disney versions when I was younger but I forgot them. Come to think of it, I don’t know why I didn’t feel as disturbed then as I do now. Some more children’s books sure got illustrations wan.

Let me give you an example.

In Cinderella, when the evil stepsisters are trying on the glass slipper, it obviously doesn’t fit right. The stepmother hands them a knife and tells them to cut off first their toes then the heels to fit, assuring them that they won’t need to walk anymore once they are Queen. Pukimak fucking grotesque right!!

Of course the prince notices the blood seeping out of the glass shoe and tell them to fuck off la. *hand motion*

Fast forward to the prince and Cinderella’s wedding. Sitting there at the wedding, the evil stepsisters’ eyes are pecked out by Cinderella’s pet doves and they go blind as punishment for being such bitches to her.

Speaking of going blind, let’s talk about Rapunzel now. You know how the prince climbs up her hair to see her right? And then the witch finds out about it BECAUSE RAPUNZEL FUCKING WENT AND TOLD HER, THAT IDIOT. She cuts off Rapunzel’s long (blond?) hair and holds it out of the window for the prince the next time he comes.

The prince gets so scared by the witch (=.=) that he falls from the tower and lands in thorns, which blind him (do we sense a pattern here?) and Rapunzel is banished to the desert.

There, Rapunzel gives birth to twins – a boy and a girl – and lives with them there. =.= Hor! Sex before marriage!

The prince, who’s been walking around blind the whole time, meets her in the desert. Rapunzel recognises him and bursts into tears, which kena the prince’s eyes somehow and he gets back his sight and they live happily ever after.

Next, Beauty and the Beast.

Don’t know much about it other than that some people say that the reason Beauty didn’t want to leave her father and get married (to Gaston?) was because there was supposed to be some incestuous relationship between her and her father. =.=” When she finally falls in love with the Beast, she like grows up and stops the incest. Or something.

One article I read also mentioned that Sleeping Beauty was being raped by her father also. ><” Can’t remember the details.

Don’t quote me, by that time my eyes were blurring already. You want you go google it yourself.

Which brings me to Snow White.

I didn’t read it anywhere, but Angela says she remembers reading that the reason why the evil queen hated Snow White so much wasn’t because she was hotter than her, but because she was also having an incestuous relationship with her father. What’s wrong with last time people?! Stories like this now sure get banned left and right and the writers jailed in Malaysia because haram wan.

Anyway, in the original Brothers Grimm tale, the queen tells the hunter to kill SW in the forest and bring back her heart and liver to show she’s dead. Of course the hunter feel kesian for her and kills a deer instead. He brings back the deer organs and the queen has it salted and eats it. =.=

Later when she finds out SW is still alive, she tries on 3 attempts to kill Snow White. First she pretends to be a peddlar and offers Snow White some pretty laces to lace up her bodice. She laces Snow White up too tight, she suffocates and faints. But the 7 dwarfs manage to save her when they come back, much to the queen’s annoyance.

Next, the queen tries to sell Snow White a poisoned comb. Again Snow White kena bluffed and let her stick the comb into her head. She collapses. But the queen is foiled again when the dwarfs come back and save her.

Finally the queen gets smart and gives Snow White the poisoned apple and she collapses.

(Let me just say that of all the Disney princesses, I hated Snow White with a passion and now i realise it’s justified because she is a total moron – terpedaya a whopping 3 times and all by an old lady disguise)

Okay fastforward again to after the prince gives SW the kiss of true love and to their wedding day.

The evil queen is invited and before that she checks with her magic mirror who is the hottest again la. And the mirror tells her that the young queen is prettier than her. The queen is damn not satisfied/bo kam wan/mm kam yuen and goes to the wedding to find out who is that.

At the wedding, people find out that the queen was responsible for the attempted murder of SW. As punishment, a pair of iron shoes is heated until red-hot and membara for her. She is forced to put them on and dance until she dies. = =

OK lastly the Little Mermaid of which the Disney version was a total deviation from. (Incidentally, the Little Mermaid used to be Brother Ooi’s favorite movie. We used to fight over whether we were going to watch Little Mermaid or the Sound of Music everyday.)

When LM (her name is not Ariel) asks the Sea Witch for help to turn human, the Sea Witch actually cuts off her tongue, and not just takes her voice. She receives a potion that will give her legs, but whenever she walks, she’ll feel like she’s walking on knives.

She meets the prince and the prince likes to see her dance so she dances for him even tho it’s so damn painful ><“The prince loves her but only as a child.

Then the prince fucking goes and marries this other princess from another kingdom!

LM’s sisters come and find her and give her a knife and tell her if she kills the prince, she’ll turn back into a mermaid and can come home.

(Forgot to say, if she failed to marry the prince, she was supposed to turn into sea foam, not the germs in the Disney movie)

But LM’s heart is too soft and she can’t do it. So she turns into seafoam. No wait, suddenly she feels herself becoming lighter and she becomes some air spirit etc etc then I lazy to type already you go Wikipedia it.

My point is, fairytale characters are really stupid, don’t learn from past mistakes and can’t do anything to help themselves let alone save someone else.

And olden times people must have been damn scary.

Okay my elbow hurts from typing too much already. Better comment or else.