Emailing Yen about what I’ve been doing in 3rd world Malaysia, I’ve decided to tell you people what I’ve been busying myself with recently.The past 3 days I’ve been working as a substitute receptionist at a Japanese shipping office. Everyone there is very nice and friendly, but there were a few weird characters.
TodayI picked up the phone, “(Company Name), good morning.”
“HALLO! AH INI SUZANA ADA?” (HALLO! AH IS SUZANA THERE?)
“Sorry, Suzana is on leave.”
“PERGI MANA?!” (WHERE DID SHE GO?)
“On leave, on leave.”
“MANA DIA PERGI?!” (WHERE DID SHE GO?)
(losing patience) “MANA AKU TAHU! DIA CUTI LA!” (HOW WOULD I KNOW!? SHE’S ON HOLIDAY LA!)
“BAGI SAYA DIA PUNYA HANDPHONE NUMBER SAYA TAK BOLEH CALL DIA!” (GIVE ME HER NUMBER, I CAN’T GET TO HER)
“SAYA TAK ADA ITU PHONE NUMBER LA!” (I DON’T HAVE IT LA!)
“ITU SUZANA BANYAK KESIAN TAU, AGENT DIA HUTANG DIA SEKARANG SUDAH MAU LARI DENGAN DUIT DIA!” (Suzana’s very pitiful, her agent owes her money and wants to run away with it now)
That was too much for me and I transferred her to my boss.
As you can see, two years in the States has also deteriorated my Malay unbelievably. (When we were getting Hsin’s sis’s present wrapped, I asked the wrapping guy, “Eh apasal itu wrapper kasi potong?” I’m turning into my mother.)
There was also this Indian man at the office who was very friendly to me and always stopped at my desk to chat.
“Eh Audrey so how old are you?”
“21.”
“Oh, no wonder you’re wearing that gold key around your neck.”
“Yea la, my mum gave it to me.”
“Not boyfriend gave wan ar?”
“Er, no. Why should boyfriend give key?”
“Got, key to unlock your viriginity!”
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF. Cibai fucking gross la. I should sue for sexual harrassment.
As of late, I’ve also been helping (by help I mean kaypoh-ing and being a general nuisance to) my friend Xin Yu, who is making an artsy independent film for a competition . Cool huh?
I get to be the makeup artist and costume designer. :)))))))))))
Besides that, I also have to do important tasks like hold Ikea table lamps for extra light (we don’t really have proper filming equipment), draw/pull curtains when they tell me to, change the music on the laptop, etc etc. Overall, I would say I’m quite an important person in this project.
I don’t know if Xin Yu wants me to show you pictures of the movie, later copyright infringment dunno what, since I’m just the lowly lamppost. So I’m just going to show you the teeniest of sneak previews.
Xin Yu looking all professional with her linen pants (which I’m lusting after)
This is the only shot of the film you’re going to get. It was taken by me and the lead as you can see is Hsin. The reason I’m putting it up is because it looks damn artistic and everyone is quite amazed I can take such a photo because for all my camwhoring, I have no camera skills at all.
Me carrying out my important task of holding up table lamps, and pretending to be a ghost at the same time.
Me having some fun with my best friend, the lamp. This is my animal shadow impression of Usagi Chan.
This is Madame Butterfly.
This is Gef the talking mongoose. No la it’s just Lil Bow Wow.
This is Hsin destressing at Toys’r’us. As you can see, there’s a smiling monkey hanging down from her boob. HAHAHAHAHAHA.
My signature pan cute pose has always been the fist thing at my jaw:
eh sorry wrong photo wtf.
I have decided to change it to:
Putting peace signs to your ears and shouting “usagi chan peace” because it annoys and confuses the hell out of people, especially Darren Tan.
