GOD I AM SO BORED

Everyone has left so it’s just me and Ooib here on our own. The Parents Ooi should be living it up in New York right now (thanks a lot Parents while your children stay here and eat instant noodles, fast food and Chinese takeaway everyday wtf)

What have we been doing lately?

1. Going to the bookstore and reading for free wtf.

2. Playing foosball with the world’s crappiest table. Also, involving the world’s crappiest foosball players. (me and Ooib) Who by the way also cheat in the worst ways wtf. I.e. just pick up the ball and place it in front of my man wtf. Or trying to bluff Ooib my score was higher than it was wtf.

3. Trying to sell my old textbook to the bookstore but they said it was worthless so I had to donate it to the prison book reading campaign.

4. Water in Blanchard is free so I filled up a cup mostly with water and then added some pink lemonade to give it a taste and bluffed the cashier it wasn’t a beverage so I could get it for free wtf I’m turning into Suet.

5. Walking my brother to the gym so I could swipe him in just to find out that ITS CLOSED WALK TO THE GYM IN THE DRIZZLE FOR NOTHING HOOOOOOOOOOO

STILL SO BORED OKOK I am gonna make a list of 15 relatively unknown facts about me tagged by MissyElliotcheerio wtf.

1. When my mother was in labor with me I think I had trouble being born or something and out of stress I shat in her womb wtf T_T Not even my first day of my life and I already caused my mother so much trouble T_T

2. I have an unusually strong attachment with objects that have a face on them, and that’s why I still keep every single stuffed animal and Barbie doll I had. That’s also why I refuse to give away/throw away my Hello Kitty humidfier. Got face means got life ok!

3. My favorite animal is the panda.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH

4. I have the worst, most unladylike and most childish sense of humor ever. I laugh at all toilet jokes and if anyone mentions farting or shitting wtf I go off into fits of giggles. Mild said I have the mentality of a five-year-old because I laugh at the same things as the kids she babysat for T_T And I always laugh at people’s misfortunes like once when someone told me about her friend’s grandfather who sat in a van that started rolling slowly backwards cos the brake wasn’t set properly, and he got a sense of urgency wtf because he used to be in the army so he jumped out of the car and hit a rock hahahahahahahahahahahaha I have been laughing over this for the past nine months or so wtf.

5. When I was very very young I felt this terrible piercing pain in my petpet wtf and I couldn’t even stand up and thought I would faint. Then I took off my pants and found an ant inside T_______T

6. When I get older I am definitely having botox injections, eye lifts, face lifts etc.

7. I have very little patience with members of the opposite sex. Dunno why also I think I’m quite mean to some of them. I find a very very large number of them to be too emo (having tears is fine but if a guy cries with the uhuk uhuk sound wtf Imma punch them in the fucking face), too clingy, show they like me too much, too stupid wtf, too annoying, too pathetic when they are nothing but nice to me 🙁 And most of them still keep trying to be friends with me even after I shout at them over and over again. I guess I am very mean but I dunno what to do when guys act retarded ok I just lose it 🙁 Maybe I am a closet lesbian wtf.

8. If I sleep with my head flat on the bed without a pillow I will throw up.

9. I was so ugly when I was a kid that during Chinese New Year reunions, my relatives who would usually exclaim over how every kid had grown so tall / pretty / handsome [for eg. to my brother: “Wah ah ne tua han liao hor! (Wah so big already hor?) Chin en tau ko kuan! (So handsome and tall!)” ] But when it came to my turn they would falter and just say “never mind girls don’t need to be so tall it’s okay! And some more she so smart” wtf no mention of my looks at all wtf.

10. Deep down I think I will never get married 🙁 (and I really really want to ok happily ever after wtf)

11. I am a firm believer of “why do today what you can do tomorrow” wtf.

12. I swore a year ago that I would not buy a new bag unless it was a LV Speedy Damier Azur but until today I have not saved up anything for it. As a result I am stuck with a bag that is tearing wtf.

13. I hate jeans.

14. I wonder how I would look with black hair but I am too afraid to dye it black cos then I might end up looking like how I did before and all people would say about me is that I’m smart wtf.

15. I am not an A cup! wtf.

Wah damn hard to think of 15 random facts. As hard as straining to squeeze out a log when you have constipation wtf.

16. We had a fantasy/adventure the other day wtf.

Our heroes decided to have a picnic one day. To get to the juicier blackberries wtf they went through a hedge and found themselves in a different land! wtf.

Stars fell on the bushes and got caught wtf.

It was so pretty that they didn’t want to leave.

“We should explore this place!” they cheered.

Angela met some raccoons which are HER favorite animal.

But billions of blue blistering barnacles what is this? There was a snowstorm alert in the middle of May!

And it really snowed oh holy mama! Every four minutes! Has the world ever seen such a vicious snowstorm wtf.

This was the land our heroes found themselves in wtf. Looks normal…

And prosperous…

But appearances deceive! The castle in this town is hiding a dark secret…

They go to the Old Wise Rat for help, and he gives them each something very special…

A body double for each of them! In case they run into danger they can er use their doubles to fight the baddies wtf. Angela’s double can bite through any wall. Especially if it’s made of cheese.

Mild’s bears an amazing likeness of her wtf. Hers uses its yo-yo to hypnotize baddies so we have time to escape!

Jeannie’s Einstein is needed to think of smart solutions for our mission wtf.

Mine is a flesh-eating cannibal whose favorite meal is boiled toenails seasoned with bile mmmm get out of our way enemies!

To gain entrance into the castle, we first have to defeat the guard dogs! Mild’s special technique is to subdue them with loving kindness wtf.

And then I fight a knight in rusty armor wtf.

But not before getting attacked by creepy Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls! Will our heroes ever make it?

But they do! And they rescue the Damsel in Distress! (That she bears a striking resemblance to Angela is pure coincidence wtf)

And returned her to the welcoming arms of her parents the King and Queen wtf.

“But wait!” says the Damsel. “I’ve left my only companion in that dark musty castle behind!”

So we thunder back to rescue it, like the heroic heroes we are.

And the Damsel and her Baby are reunited!

He is a clear favorite among our heroes.

By and by, our heroes realize that we have spent far too much time in this magical land and it is time for us to return to where we belong. Mount Holyoke. wtf.

So they travel long and far…

Until they arrive at Santa’s Workshop!

“Santa, please help us,” they begged. “We are tired and lost and all we really want to do is go back to Moho for some Philly Cheese Steaks and bacon burgers.”

“Oh you poor things,” said Santa. “Just walk until you see the second star to your right, spin three times and touch your nose with your tongue. But remember, you must think hard about your homes or the spell won’t work.”

So they followed his instructions carefully…

And they were home! But they had also aged a few hundred years wtf.

The End.