Happy New Year everyone!
I was going to do my New Year’s resolutions (not that I keep any of them anyway but at least it’s a step in the right direction wtf).
I usually don’t like new years! Every year seems to be zipping by faster and faster and I always feel immensely underachieved (is that a word wtf) mianly because I don’t keep my resolutions wtf or didn’t do the things I wanted to do.
2009 was…. not bad but not fantastic either.
Ok fantastic because I got to go to so many places!
Manila, Melbourne, Phuket (twice!), Tokyo + Hakone…
Can’t remember if I missed anything out… oh Singapore doesn’t count cos it’s practically Malaysia wtf. [aih Singaporeans don’t get insulted! I’m not trying to say Singapore is part of Malaysia wtf but that it’s too close to count as visiting a foreign country]
But I dunno. 2009 was just different.
In 2009, I lost my spontaneity. I don’t think all of it, but some. My whole life has been based on “think when I get there”and it’s served me well (if not wisely) for the past 23 years. I hate making reservations and I don’t even like calling someone beforehand to tell them where we’re going or what we’re going to do WTF. I always think no point, just tell them when we get there.
Maybe not so much when it comes to schoolwork but even so, I do all my work last minute and I don’t plan more than two days ahead. For the past 4 years I’ve bought organizers but they always end the year fresh and unscribbled in.
I don’t even like wearing seatbelts because they’re too restrictive (not just physically but because that would mean I was thinking of the consequences ahead) -_- I always think I’m invincible and even if something happens, nothing can be that bad.
And that’s how I work. Every time I lose something, forget an important task, I think of the worst scenario that could happen and somehow it always seems bearable to me.
And so I go through life not worrying. If I lose my credit card, I can just cancel it. If I lose my whole wallet and maybe there’s an irreplaceable love note in it, it’s okay because it was an old note anyway. If I forget to do my assignment, there’s always lunch time and the whole night before to work. I was smart enough and had a quick enough memory to get through these things.
But that’s not possible all the time in the working world. If you forget to do something, So in 2009, I learned how to worry.
And I don’t like that! Worrying is not Audrey T___T So
#1 resolution of the year, I resolve to be more spontaneous!
#2
I’ve always been very careful about people’s feelings — things like I don’t want them to feel excluded or ganged up on or insulted – unless they know it’s a joke and my jokes with people close to me can be really bad sometimes.
But I also have a very frustrating impulse to say things on the spot without thinking. Sometimes I don’t think and I say it, but other times I consider it briefly but still say it because it sounds funny to myself wtf.
So the other day Suet sent me a blog which belongs to a girl who I thought was very pretty and articulate. But then I watched a video she made and didn’t like it because she reminded me of Dawn Yang there wtf.
And my knee jerk reaction was to tweet about it (shit is this being spontaneous then I ma die T___T)
And then the girl happened to see it T_______T And I felt fucking terrible because how would I like it if someone tweeted about me like that.
So..
#2 I will think twice before I say something hurtful or mean again (ah who cares if it clashes with spontaneity this one more important)
#3 I will be more careful. Because in the past 5 minutes I just realized I can’t find my phone fuck this shit.
#4 I will seriously reconsider blogging.
Ok this is not so much a resolution but more of an inevitability. [wah it is a real word! i just typed it hoping it would be and it is!]
People have probably noticed cos I know I have. My blog fucking sucks now wtf.
Like I’ve said many times before, there are so many things I would like to say about people I meet or things that happen but due to privacy and professional issues I can’t.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have time. I used to think that I’m not as dumb as I was before and dumb things stopped happening to me because I’ve grown up and started working. But I think that’s not the case. Before if anything stupid or funny happened, I’d quickly just log on to wordpress and type a random funny entry. But right now when something funny or worthwhile sharing happens, I’m at work most of the time so I can’t do that. And when I’m at home sometimes I feel like just watching a DVD or plucking my armpit hair or something rather than look at my blog.
So maybe blogging has served its purpose for me? It was a great outlet for me for more than five years to whine about crazy dorm neighbors and moron classmates but right now I don’t feel the need to say so much anymore.
On the other hand, it’s become automatic for me. I wouldn’t know what to do if I didn’t blog!
A very good reason for me to not stop blogging (besides the money because you can never have enough money wtf) is that in the last (almost) 6 years I’ve built a legacy out of my blog — ok la legacy is stretching it by a lot wtf. But I’ve built something tangible which without I wouldn’t have met some of my best friends, wouldn’t have reached out and touched a lot of people and have them touch my life in return. I would have missed out on a lot of financial, tourist(ial?) and material opportunities too.
I used to spend hours rereading my archives (ok so maybe it was also because I didn’t wanna study wtf) but I don’t for the newer entries cos they’re not worth it wtf.
So maybe now it’s time to think if I wanna keep on writing. Or at least rethink my blog direction.
Ok Bai!
P/S: Found my phone! It was in Latat’s car savior!!!!
Comments (32)
singapore is not “practically malaysia”. we are an independent nation!
d: ahaha that wasn’t meant to belittle singapore! i just meant that it’s so close so i don’t count that as visiting a foreign country. don’t get me wrong ok i think singapore is wonderful and imma move there some day. but maybe i will fail if everyone thinks im trying to put down singapore with this blog entry 🙁
Noooo, please cont to blog ‘cuz i love your posts! & Both you and tim are rlly, rlly sweet.
Btw, happy new year and move to Sg soon! 😀
Oh no!
But, I like when people blog occasionally, not soooo much to read! Haha!
🙂
Good Luck with your resolutions anyways!
wah u look so different in the last pic! good kinda different!
dunno wht to say to not blogging but i hope u wont stop 🙁 cause later i cant read about whats going on with u edi how!
i also sometimes say things without thinking then feel like smacking own head. sigh. and don’t stop blogging!! I have been reading your blog for so long di 🙁
You pointed out how you often say things without thinking? I wouldn’t know if you’re like that in person but I would disagree in terms of blogging because I feel you often choose your words very carefully so I felt it shouldn’t be a problem in terms of blogging. =)
Probably it was your signature “WTF” that helps tone down the whole sarcasm/mean entries because i find it kinda funny. =)
So keep blogging Audrey because I would like to keep reading what you write even though you will decide to change the blog direction someday.
Last but not least, Happy New Year!
No don’t stop blogging, I still think your entries are interesting! I think that it’s inevitable that over 5 years what you write about would change but that’s not necessarily a bad thing at all. Changing as you grow up is just a part of life, if you don’t change even a little bit you’ll end up like the punk band Blink 182 who are all like 40yrs old and still singing about being in highschool >_<
Happy New Year Aud!
i used to like ur blog. and also sweatlee’s. somehow i feel that u and sweat’s blogs are getting mroe fake. things that u wrote seemed very pre-planned, thus, the fake-ness. u can delete this msg once u’ve read.
and im not saying the fake-ness was due to privacy and professional issues but like this sentence, “Can’t remember if I missed anything out… oh Singapore doesn’t count cos it’s practically Malaysia wtf. ” , it’s like so obvious u rmb u went singapore but u pretend to forget =.=…sorry..
i never reread my archive, mainly cos i think they’re atrocious 😛
A: thank u! haha still considering..
lisa: haha so u like fewer posts?
sweat: oh that is true. ya how to keep in touch then besides msn 🙁
pinky: haha ya i know! but my blog is so diff now 🙁
gypsy: happy new year:) thank u for the very encouraging comment i’ll think this over properly:)
violet: awww yes i agree that people have to change and they do! but somehow i dont feel comfortable with the change my blog is taking and im not sure how to stop it or fix it 🙁
hmm: thanks for ur comment very honest! i agree with you — i dont like my blog right now because i think it’s fucking uninteresting. but i disagree with you that it’s fake. u said it’s preplanned but who doesn’t plan what to say before they type out an entry or essay? and that sentence u quoted: i said “i cant remember if i missed anything” but i meant BESIDES singapore. why would i pretend to forget i went to singapore wtf =.= but anyway im glad u came out and told me what u think. thanks!
ky: hahaha only ur hair was atrocious!
i really do hope u dont stop blogging. I will have 1 blog less to read in office then -__-
NO DON’T STOP BLOGGING AUDREY T___T I’ve been a constant silent reader of yours, and I think this is the first comment I wrote since years -__-
aiyah should have hilang yr phone so can get a BB also. HAHAHAHA *mean* wtf
AHA!!!! SO THAT IS THE SEKRET TO YOUR YOUTH!!!!1111
Not worrying!
I on the other hand worry too much. T_T
By the way all your resolutions (except the quit blogging part) is about being a corporate slave. 😉
Welcome to the hive, comrade. HAHAHA!
pls continue blogging..
although i don’t comment frequently now (coz lazy, no la.. is busy), but i read every post ok!!
and your wtf legacy, I “curi” from you, until my colleagues, friends are using wtf in daily communication now. =_______=”..
we love “wtf” now.. =.=”
Aww Audrey.. I am disappointed to hear that you’re reconsidering blogging.
I thoroughly enjoy reading your entries. You are one of those bloggers that aren’t pretentious, able to poke fun at themselves, and you don’t even need to try hard to make people laugh!
Nonetheless, I understand that one’s priorities will constantly change throughout life. So although your readers will be very disappointed when you decide to stop blogging, we will respect your choice and will continue to support you 🙂
hmm.. u can write down funny or stupid things in Microsoft word first.. WTF.. microsoft word serves me so well during working hour..
after work then post up. =____=”
* first comment was sneakily comment during working hour, if my boss found out, i am screwed.. so please continue blogging la, else my effort would be wasted.. wtf..
eve: hahaha yay im ur office entertainment!
fiona: thanks fiona! i will think about it la..but even if i stop i don’t think it’s be right away.. might need to wean myself off it first 😛
cindy: all u BB evangelists share $$ and get me one! 😛
huai bin: ya u worry too much lor!!!
donna: hahahaha u damn funny! but if i stop blogging i can recommend u other blogs to read wtf
lishywishy: aww thats very encouraging! maybe if i dont stop blogging i just need to think properly about where my blog is headed i guess. but i always wanted to be a mommy blogger! dunno if i can last that long now though wtf
I’ve been reading your blog too,one of the silent readers..so pls dun stop blogging!!i would love to read about ur mommy post in the future:)
I never make any new years resolutions, maybe I should try though, next year I guess, happy 2010 anyway!
Audrey, please don’t stop blogging, there are many, many of us out here that enjoy reading you.
It is natural that your approach, your tone, what you write, your outlook and attitude would change and evolve over time, and as we grow and age. But that doesn’t make it any less interesting — in fact, it is like a continuing story that evolves with your own life.
So please don’t stop.
my 2010 resolution:
to read all aud’s blog posts……
i can’t do that if u stop blogging..
so….please add in ur resolution..
I’ll never stop blogging! 🙂
Hey Audrey,
Have been following ur blog for quite some time…really enjoy reading abt wat’s happening in your life…Especially love the fact that you are frank and funny in ur writing…
Although you may think that your writing is nt as good as b4, but like wat Eric(previous commenter) mentioned b4, it’s juz a matter of growing up…Topics and experiences that you blog about are constantly changing…But it’s nt a bad a thing, really…In fact, it kinda makes u feel more real…and that I really know who you are…hehe…
Please continue blogging k? ^.^
happy new year audrey. pls continue bloggin k =)
I enjoy reading your blog. Keep it up. At least I get to “live your life” a bit. Nope, not like a stalker. Hahaha…your life’s more interesting than many others! So, enjoy it…and blog so that the other mundane people can share a bit of the fun life! 🙂
Happy New Year 2010
OMG! you’re really like a japanese girl, Aud. Stay pretty and Cute. hehehe. All the best!
Keep posting 🙂 I love to read ur blog anyway. Jiayou.
Having just found your blog I would be very sad to see you stop. I agree with Eric. Your voice will change over time. And I am just like you, if something happens and I don’t blog about it then and there, I won’t do it later. Plus you have super cute style, how else will I get my fashion ideas!
hmm… altho I’m not here all the time, but don’t stop? I think you have a blogging icon for most of the people out there..
keep it up, and all the best..
happy new year 2010 audrey! =)
i like how you responded to my comment, very friendly and all (: would be awesome to have you in singapore! dont stop blogging, like what the rest said! 😀
i know this is uncalled for honesty, but i agree with u that blogging needs to be rethunk /wtf …..i’d hate for u to be selling yourself short. but even if u ever give up blogging, i believe writing is inevitable for u