AudRubbish

Aku sebuah papan apung

Aku sebuah papan apung berwarna biru.  Aku dilahirkan di sebuah kilang di Negeri Cina.  Nama saya Speedo wtf.

Saya duduk di kapal terbang dan dibawa ke negara yang dipanggil Malaysia.  Saya dipamerkan di kedai Speedo di Pavilion.  Saya sangat gembira sebab kedai saya cantik wtf.

Pada suatu hari, ada satu si pendek masuk kedai ingin beli papan apung sebab dia sudah gemuk dan tidak sihat dan tidak ingin mati cepat.  Dia mahu berenang tapi takut rambut dia tukar warna so dia nak beli papan apung supaya kepalanya tak akan masuk air.  Si Pendek mengambil aku sebab harga saya sudah yang paling murah wtf.  Saya terus jatuh cinta dengan Si Pendek itu.  Nasib baik tak ada persaingan dari papan apung yang lain sebab kita semua warna biru yang sama.

Si Pendek terus membeli saya ^______^

Tak sampai 30 saat pun, Si Pendek keluar dari kedai Speedo dan ternampak kedai Sun Paradise di depan.  Omaigat ini mungkin bad news untuk saya wtf.

Dia terus masuk kedai itu dan ternampak papan apung yang berwarna merah jambu dan terus jatuh hati terhadapnya. T_______T Lebih-lebih lagi papan apung berwarna merah jambu yang bastardo itu lebih murah RM15 FTS T___________T

Nasib baik teman lelaki Si Pendek yang bernama Si Gemuk kata “jangan lah…” Saya sokong Si Gemuk.

Tapi Si Pendek tak peduli dan masuk balik kedai Speedo FTS.  Dia cuba cari benda untuk tukar dengan saya.  Contohnya sepasang selipar haih standard saya memang jatuh. Sedih.

Nasib baik sekali lagi Si Gemuk kata “tak payah tukar la” dan Si Pendek pun tak dapat cari apa-apa yang dia mahu beli. #successkid.jpg

Tapi aduhai Si Pendek terus balik rumah dan kata kepada Si Gemuk bahawa hanya ada satu jalan.  Iaitu saya rosak dengan cepat baru dia boleh beli yang baru WTF.  Dia cuba baca tengok samada saya ada tarikh kelupusan ke tidak WTF.  Nasib baik saya memang tahan lasak dan tak ada tarikh luput.

Tiba-tiba Si Pendek terbaca arahan tertulis di badan saya yang kata saya tak boleh diletakkan di bawah cahaya matahari untuk terlalu lama.  Dan dia tersenyum wtf.

Tamatlah cerita aku di sini.

English translation – this story was based on the “I am a…. ” essays primary school teachers used to force kids here to write.

I am a blue floating board.  I was born in a factory in China.  My name is Speedo wtf.

I sat on a plane and was brought to a place called Malaysia.  I was displayed in a Speedo store in Pavilion.  I was very happy cos my shop is very nice wtf.

One day, this short person came into the store wanting to buy a float because she’s fat and unhealthy and doesn’t want to die early.  The shorty wanted to swim but scared her hair change color which is why she wanted to buy a float so her head won’t go underwater.  Shorty took me because my price was the cheapest wtf.  I straightaway fell in love with Shorty.  Luckily there was no competition from other floats because we were all the same blue color.

Shorty bought me ^_____^

Not even 30 seconds later, Shorty exited Speedo and saw the shop Sun Paradise in front.  Omaigat this could be bad news for me.

She straightaway went into the shop and saw a pink flotation device and fell in love with it T_________T Some more the pink bastard float was cheaper by RM15 T___________T

Luckily the shorty’s boyfriend, Fatty, said “it’s ok….” I support Fatty!!!

But Shorty didn’t care and went back to the Speedo store FTS.  She tried to find something to exchange me for.  For example …. a pair of slippers haih my standard really dropped.  Sad.

Luckily again Fatty said “don’t need to exchange la” and Shorty also couldn’t find anything to exchange with.#successkid.jpg

But sucks to be me Shorty went home and said to Fatty that there’s only one way.  Which is that I spoil fast so she can buy the pink one WTF.  She tried to check if I had an expiry date WTF.  Luckily I am very good quality and have no expiry date.

Suddenly Shorty read the instructions on me which says I cannot be put under direct sunlight.  And she smiled.

Thus here ends my story.

True story.  Went to buy a float so I can swim with my head above water for the sake of exercise and maintaining my hair color -_-

Went into the first store and bought the cheapest float I saw.  Damn angry when I walked out and saw a cheaper float in pale pink my favorite shade ever T______________T

Super hate it when the things I buy are functional yet not cute.  If I’m going to spend money might as well make sure what I buy is aesthetically pleasing right! Some more more expensive!!!!111

Now I’m stuck with a fugly float wtf.

At first didn’t want to blog about wanting to destroy the blue float so I can buy a new one cos everyone will think I’m crazy!!!! (to a certain extent yes la)

But when Fatty narrated the story above from the point of view of Speedo the Float in Malay I found it damn cute and started to feel sorry for the Speedo and had to blog it hahahahaha.  Fatty blogged about it here too his description of what happened is better.

Appropriately categorized as AudRubbish.

Comments (26)

  • eiiiii treat the float nicer la T__________T

  • HAHAHAHAHAHA WTF

    Contohnya sepasang selipar haih standard saya memang jatuh. Sedih.

    HAHAHAHAHAHA

  • Cute! Brings back memories~

  • the malay version is freaking funny hahahahahahaaaaahahah
    freaking funny okay.xD

  • hahahaha.

    You had me LOL at the end of almost every of the sentences.

  • hahahaha can’t believe you blog in malay.. you are very funny lar audrey!!

  • hahaha, reminded me of an epic blog post i read many years back – saya sepasang kasut buruk

  • and the original blog post still here – http://jahanamsiot.blogspot.com/2005/08/saya-sepasang-kasut-buruk.html

    hahahha.

  • Aud, why are you so funny….hahahahaahaaaaaaaaa…the BM version knocks my socks off!

  • I think it’s Sekeping papan rather than sebuah. Sebuah is more for big things like a house, right?
    -memories from my rusty BM =_=

  • HAHAHAHA
    Bastardo wtf.
    hahahahha

  • “Now I’m stuck with a fugly float wtf.”

    aiyo, Si Papan Apung sudah pun berasa sedih setelah membaca ayat itu 🙁

    Eh, jangan tanya kenapa saya tahu k wtf

  • i know u like getting comment right but normally i am too lazy, but this post deserves a comment lo. i actly read the malay version for the third time today.

    damn like the last part, dan dia tersenyum wtf. wtf. its a very creepy moment for the float lo..

  • omg this is so funny! haha! <3

  • haahaha…this entry really hahahaha….thanks for ur entertaining post. btw, poor speedo..

  • omg.this is so funny. i burst out laughing la. i love ur way of blogging. this is so freaking funny,especially the malay version. and i like the last sentence a lot, ” tamatlah cerita aku di sini” . HAHHAHAHAH

  • HAHAHAHA can’t stop laughing at the BM version, even after reading it twice

  • Ahahahahahahah~ so cute. Poor thing the papan apung. XD

  • omaigat wtf in BM is epic! LoL!

    Pls pls get rid of that papan apung and get ur pink one ASAP! *evil*

  • erm…hi, can take a few hours break from work and blog about the latest happening or not ah wtf..

    sorry for being rude, but i’ve been refresh on timothytiah.com, fourfeetnine.com like every few minutes since last night. =.=””

    and congratulation Audreyy..

  • LOL…..poor board. Paint it pink perhaps? :p

    http://debbzie.blogspot.com

  • “Lebih-lebih lagi papan apung berwarna merah jambu yang bastardo itu lebih murah RM15”

    you are soo funniey audrey. miahahaha.

  • Heard you got engaged!!!
    Congratz!! XD

  • “Suddenly Shorty read the instructions on me which says I cannot be put under direct sunlight. And she smiled.”

    haha…

  • Wah!!!si pendek dgn wicked smile akan menjalankan rancangan menganak tirikan si papan apung biru itu!!!! habis la kau si papan apung biru!!!! wahahahaha

  • Hahahaha

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