Last night was one of the scariest nights for us so far.
Too tired to write right now but I wanted to document this part of our journey so I asked Fatty to take dictation from me. Here’s what happened last night:
1) Went into the bathroom to pee when I wiped fresh blood came off the tissue paper in gushes.
2) We called the nurses who immediately transferred me to the labour room.
3) I also started having contractions which were coming at intervals of every 4-5 minutes. They put me on a new blood pressure drug which also works to stop contractions. ย I was in premature labor.
4) One hour later the medicine slowed down the contractions a bit but not enough. ย By then, they were coming every 10 minutes.
5) Got injected with steroids in case the contractions couldn’t be stopped and Fighter had to come out in the next couple of days. Steroids is a way to accelerate the development of the baby’s lungs.
6) When the medicine didn’t work to bring down the contractions, they decided to sedate me to relax my whole body and hopefully also relax my uterine muscles and stop the contractions. This was at 6AM.
7) I passed out until late today and thankfully by the time I woke up the bleeding and contractions had both stopped *throws confetti*.
8) The bleeding is suspected to be from a marginal placental abruption, which means that the placenta is bleeding or tore away from my uterus wall a bit. ย So the next step is to just delay Fighter’s delivery until the second steroid injection is administered, which is tonight. After that whenever my body goes into labour again, we won’t fight it, and I will deliver Fighter.
I asked Fatty to help me update my blog with this but he came back with a letter to me instead. He seems in the mood for writing letters after he wrote one to Fighter yesterday on his blog. I asked him if he’s okay to publish it and he said ok so here it is.
————
Dear Shorty,
The past 12 days have been difficult. I know we expected that the road to having kids wouldn’t be an easy one for us, but I’m sure neither of us imagined we would be tested so hard. I have a confession though and since I’m to embarrassed to tell you myself, maybe I’ll just write you.
You see while the past 12 days have been difficult, the past 24 hours had been one of the toughest for me. I knew that from the moment you told us you had vaginal bleeding that it wasn’t going to be an easy night but I was prepared. Every day I remind myself how difficult this must be to you and so I push myself to be that rock of support that you need.
So when there was blood, I stayed calm and called the nurses in. When they tested you and found out that you were in labour, I told you not to worry because there will be ways to slow it down. When you were worried that there won’t be enough time to administer the steroids to accelerate the development of Fighter’s lungs, I confidently brushed it off and said there will be. And when they finally gave you the injection, I squeezed both your hands with mine so that you would know I’m with you.
By the time I reached home that night I was so tired I was walking into walls. I couldn’t sleep though. I was up for a long time, eager for tomorrow to come so I could go to see our Doctor and ask her what was going on.
The next morning when I walked into your room you were fast asleep. The nurse had told me they had sedated you to bring down the contractions and you would be asleep until noon. I saw an eyelid of yours move when I came in so I knew you were awake, You then mumbled, telling me that you had been sedated. I sat around for a while then I decided that since you were asleep I would go to work first and come back 6 hours later when you were awake. But before I left I had to see our Doctor.
So while you were asleep I walked across to our Doctor’s clinic. I will always remember the look she had on her face when I walked in. It was a look of worry. For the first time throughout this episode she looked worried. She went on to tell me how the bleeding was from a part of your placenta and that’s what caused your body to go into labour. That she had managed to slow it down so we have time for the steroid injections to take effect but the situation was unpredictable. She was sure we wouldn’t last another 4 weeks as we had planned and even at 30 weeks, Fighter is way too premature but at least we managed to hold it off for two weeks. The only thing we could do… was pray. I thanked her… grateful that we had such a good caring Doctor during this difficult time and left her clinic.
It had began to drizzle when I started walking to my car in the open-air car park. I knew I was supposed to go to the office but my mind was all over the place. For the first time throughout this episode I felt like there was nothing I could do to make this better. No amount of money, no amount of time I spent with you, no amount of research and no amount of medical care could make this situation any better.
Then as I sat in my car my Father called. He asked me what was wrong with you and in my car in that open-air car park I broke down and cried. For the first time in many many years I cried, not just man tears or anything but the faggoty “uhuk uhuk” crying you hate seeing other guys do (Fuckin pussy… I hate myself for that). I didn’t know what else to do and how else to help you. I spent the next 10 minutes in the car trying to compose myself.
After I pulled myself together I decided that I didn’t want to go anywhere else. I didn’t want to run away from the problem. So I got out my car and walked back into the hospital. I’m glad I did, because when I got to your bedside again you whispered that you were hungry but was too weak to eat or call for help. So I had the chance to help you up and feed you.
When I think back now I realize now why I had that moment of weakness. As much as you often tell me how I am a rock to you, the truth is… even in this difficult time you are a rock to me too. And this morning when you were sedated I felt like I had lost you. That I was all alone.
If there is one thing good that I feel this experience has brought us is that it has tested our relationship and got me to understand how we depend on each other in so many ways. How I rely on your strengths just as much as you rely on mine.
I told Dad and Mum today over dinner…. that somehow, after going through this experience… I feel that I love you even more.
Sincerely,
Skinny (Or Fatty…. poh-tay-toh poh-tah-toh what’s the difference?)
Comments (236)
hey audrey and timothynnwill keep you both in prayer. it’s great to see how you both love each other more in such times which is hard to get at this day and age. it’s our honour to see you both grow along the way even as we read your blog. and though we may not know each other, by following up on the happenings make us feel like we’re long time friends after all. so take care, hang in there and have faith! ๐
Take care and stay strong!
Aww.. I cried a little (since my mom is beside me and she would see me as some crazy fuck if I cry over some blog post haha). Really wishing for Fighter’s safety! And yours too. Please please please recover soon..
Love, is a powerful thing. Stay strong, the both of u.. I’ve been constantly keeping myself updated on Fighter’s condition and he’s already a part of our lives. Will keep yall in prayer.. May God’s ever-faithful grace be upon you, Fighter and Tim as you proceed into labour! *hugs*
Hello Audrey & Timothy! All I want to say is, stay strong & I’m so happy for you guys that despite all odds you’ve found each other more precious than ever. I’m truly touched by you guys (,: jiayou audrey!! I’ll pray that fighter comes out strong & healthy ^^ he’s already blessed w such good parents <3
be strong. pray for both of u and fighter.
please be strong both audrey, timothy and your son! sending my best wishes and prayers!
Hello audrey and tim and fighter!! Stay strong and fight till the end!!! I teared reading tim’s letter..can go film all these liao..pls take care..
I cried like crazy. Tim, Aud, and Fighter be strong! I have a friend of mine whose placenta detached from the uterus wall. Her baby ( a son ) is well and now already more than 1 yo. She is now pregnant for the 2nd child. Everything will be doing good. Both of you are good people, will hv good situations too, i believe. I pray hard for all of you <3
Hey Audrey and Timothy, nnUpon reading this, my heart felt like someone just clenched and squeezed it real hard and a few drops of tears trickled down my cheeks. I am sure many of your readers out there, me included would keep you guys in prayers. Your relationship and love towards each other give me lots of faith and hope in my own relationship. Stay really, really, really strong!
i wanna bawl too ๐ so tough on the both of you. and helpless too. sending you lots of big strong hugs.
Cried when i read tims letter to fighter and crying now after reading his letter to you. Stay strong aud and tim! You two are a unit and you can weather this storm. And emerge….with fighter! Much love xoxo
Take care tim, aud & fighter! hope everything is gonna be fine..
Stay strong !!
Hang in there Audrey and Tim!
Stay strong, all 3 of you will make it through unscathed! God’s blessings be showered upon your family.
No words can describe how I felt reading through the words. Am not in any position to comfort you and act as if I know how tough everything is, but if words of encouragement gives both of you strength in going through this, I don’t mind doing that over and over again.
Both of you stay strong. Fighter will be fine!
Wishing you and Tim all the strength you need to get through this. *hugsnJia you!!!
Stop making me cry guys :'( nI can’t do much but to give you guys moral support. Always know that your readers are behind you giving you prayers and support.
Tim and you are such nice people !! God will blessed you and baby fighter =)
Ganbatte kudasai!!!nStay strong Tim & Aud…nHang on there…nFighter will be alright!!!nBest wishes from all of us….
I truly hope everything will be fine. I can’t bear to read yr blog… tears in my eyes…. ( I have to read yr entries in portions…at intervals….cos beh tahan with what’s happening) Will continue to say prayers for you and Fighter. God bless u and yr loving family. Stay strong, Audrey, Tim and Fighter. Remember yr readers are rooting for all of u. Take care. hugsss.
no amount of words can express my feeling right now T.T both sad and happy that you find great husband aud..nnever in my life i feel that God will lead you guys the way to get out of this problem, and im sure you guys will! i really wish you guys would stay strong and fighter would be delivered and grow healthily!!!! T______T idk what to say, but all in all i just wish the best for ur family
stay strong Audrey and Tim!!! and also Fighter!
Fuck now everyone knows I Uhuk Uhuk.
Get well soon Audrey!
Hang on and stay strong Audrey, Timothy and fighter!!
Hang on and stay strong Audrey, Timothy and fighter!!
I hope everything will be fine, every obstacles will turn out in no time. Have faith, my prayers will be always with you Audrey! <3
Hang on and stay strong Audrey, Timothy and fighter!!
I cried silent tears reading everything from the start till the end of Tim’s “uhuk uhuk” letter. Congratulations, Audrey because you’ve definitely got the best husband in the world. The amount of strength the both of you have through this fight is really amazing. Stay strong inside, Fighter. Stay strong outside, Mummy Aud and Daddy Tim. Everything will fall into right place soon!n
Omg made me crying all over now. Stay strong Tim and aud!
Just now I whispered a prayer: “God, if you’re there, please don’t mind me now; Please mind Audrey and Maximus! Please send them blessings and please send them the gift of a healthy, wonderful life!”nnI know He will listen!
If things don’t turn out for the better, it’s not the end. I wish you both and Fighter the best! Even if he is delivered prematurely…I hope that everything will turn out just fine. Will be here supporting you!! Stay strong ๐
Just wanted to let u know many of your readers are truly concerned about you! Really wish everything would turn out well! I am sure you and fighter are kept in many ppl’s prayers!!
Stay strong, Timothy & Audrey!
Stay strong and everything will be fine. God will blessing 3 of u..
Silent reader who has been moved to tears every time I visit either yours or tim’s blog. Just want you guys to know that you will pull all these off because you have the support of so many people. (: keeping all three of you in my prayers. (‘:
Hi Tim and Audrey, sending good vibes and wishes your way. Hugs and love.
Hi Audrey, I’ve been a silent reader for a while but I just have to comment. I got teary reading this. I could feel the love and sincerity in the letter. I truly wish you, your family and your baby well. I hope everything will turn out fine and you will deliver a healthy baby. We’re rooting for you!
Stay strong Tim and Audrey! My nBest wishes to both of you . FIGHTING !
Stay strong, Fighter’s mommy & daddy..warm & safe delivery wishes to your family and the lil one on the way ๐
Really wishing the best to you and Tim, stay strong! x
Stay strong! Fighter will be alright! ๐
Sending good vibes & keeping you in my prayers.
Stay strong! You both r definitely one of the strongest parents I’ve ever seen:) God bless you
Audrey, I have been reading your blog since your uni days. Stay strong and may the prayers be with you.
Hey.. All the best and fight on! Praying for you both & Fighter too!