Last night was one of the scariest nights for us so far.
Too tired to write right now but I wanted to document this part of our journey so I asked Fatty to take dictation from me. Here’s what happened last night:
1) Went into the bathroom to pee when I wiped fresh blood came off the tissue paper in gushes.
2) We called the nurses who immediately transferred me to the labour room.
3) I also started having contractions which were coming at intervals of every 4-5 minutes. They put me on a new blood pressure drug which also works to stop contractions. I was in premature labor.
4) One hour later the medicine slowed down the contractions a bit but not enough. By then, they were coming every 10 minutes.
5) Got injected with steroids in case the contractions couldn’t be stopped and Fighter had to come out in the next couple of days. Steroids is a way to accelerate the development of the baby’s lungs.
6) When the medicine didn’t work to bring down the contractions, they decided to sedate me to relax my whole body and hopefully also relax my uterine muscles and stop the contractions. This was at 6AM.
7) I passed out until late today and thankfully by the time I woke up the bleeding and contractions had both stopped *throws confetti*.
8) The bleeding is suspected to be from a marginal placental abruption, which means that the placenta is bleeding or tore away from my uterus wall a bit. So the next step is to just delay Fighter’s delivery until the second steroid injection is administered, which is tonight. After that whenever my body goes into labour again, we won’t fight it, and I will deliver Fighter.
I asked Fatty to help me update my blog with this but he came back with a letter to me instead. He seems in the mood for writing letters after he wrote one to Fighter yesterday on his blog. I asked him if he’s okay to publish it and he said ok so here it is.
————
Dear Shorty,
The past 12 days have been difficult. I know we expected that the road to having kids wouldn’t be an easy one for us, but I’m sure neither of us imagined we would be tested so hard. I have a confession though and since I’m to embarrassed to tell you myself, maybe I’ll just write you.
You see while the past 12 days have been difficult, the past 24 hours had been one of the toughest for me. I knew that from the moment you told us you had vaginal bleeding that it wasn’t going to be an easy night but I was prepared. Every day I remind myself how difficult this must be to you and so I push myself to be that rock of support that you need.
So when there was blood, I stayed calm and called the nurses in. When they tested you and found out that you were in labour, I told you not to worry because there will be ways to slow it down. When you were worried that there won’t be enough time to administer the steroids to accelerate the development of Fighter’s lungs, I confidently brushed it off and said there will be. And when they finally gave you the injection, I squeezed both your hands with mine so that you would know I’m with you.
By the time I reached home that night I was so tired I was walking into walls. I couldn’t sleep though. I was up for a long time, eager for tomorrow to come so I could go to see our Doctor and ask her what was going on.
The next morning when I walked into your room you were fast asleep. The nurse had told me they had sedated you to bring down the contractions and you would be asleep until noon. I saw an eyelid of yours move when I came in so I knew you were awake, You then mumbled, telling me that you had been sedated. I sat around for a while then I decided that since you were asleep I would go to work first and come back 6 hours later when you were awake. But before I left I had to see our Doctor.
So while you were asleep I walked across to our Doctor’s clinic. I will always remember the look she had on her face when I walked in. It was a look of worry. For the first time throughout this episode she looked worried. She went on to tell me how the bleeding was from a part of your placenta and that’s what caused your body to go into labour. That she had managed to slow it down so we have time for the steroid injections to take effect but the situation was unpredictable. She was sure we wouldn’t last another 4 weeks as we had planned and even at 30 weeks, Fighter is way too premature but at least we managed to hold it off for two weeks. The only thing we could do… was pray. I thanked her… grateful that we had such a good caring Doctor during this difficult time and left her clinic.
It had began to drizzle when I started walking to my car in the open-air car park. I knew I was supposed to go to the office but my mind was all over the place. For the first time throughout this episode I felt like there was nothing I could do to make this better. No amount of money, no amount of time I spent with you, no amount of research and no amount of medical care could make this situation any better.
Then as I sat in my car my Father called. He asked me what was wrong with you and in my car in that open-air car park I broke down and cried. For the first time in many many years I cried, not just man tears or anything but the faggoty “uhuk uhuk” crying you hate seeing other guys do (Fuckin pussy… I hate myself for that). I didn’t know what else to do and how else to help you. I spent the next 10 minutes in the car trying to compose myself.
After I pulled myself together I decided that I didn’t want to go anywhere else. I didn’t want to run away from the problem. So I got out my car and walked back into the hospital. I’m glad I did, because when I got to your bedside again you whispered that you were hungry but was too weak to eat or call for help. So I had the chance to help you up and feed you.
When I think back now I realize now why I had that moment of weakness. As much as you often tell me how I am a rock to you, the truth is… even in this difficult time you are a rock to me too. And this morning when you were sedated I felt like I had lost you. That I was all alone.
If there is one thing good that I feel this experience has brought us is that it has tested our relationship and got me to understand how we depend on each other in so many ways. How I rely on your strengths just as much as you rely on mine.
I told Dad and Mum today over dinner…. that somehow, after going through this experience… I feel that I love you even more.
Sincerely,
Skinny (Or Fatty…. poh-tay-toh poh-tah-toh what’s the difference?)
Comments (236)
Audrey, Tim and fighter, stay strong. was tearing reading the blog post and Tim’s post. Jia you!
Keeping you guys in prayers. Stay strong!
take care both of u n fighter! ur readers will definitely pray for u all!
be positive…u and baby will be fine! pray for u and family!
Be strong. God is in control 🙂
Keeping my prayers for u and fighter.. u can do it aud.. jia you.
Tears just rolled down my cheeks reading the experiences you guys are going thru. All 3 of you are very brave di. Hang in there Aud! Prayers to you, Fighter and your Hb. Hopefully everything goes smoothly!
Hi Aud, as I’m reading this I will be going into a d&c in a few hours. I am in my mid 20s and unfortunately it seems like my first pregnancy became a missed miscarriage. Since I found out that the heart stopped beating, it felt as if my heart will stop soon too. Although I have to believe that next time it will be better. nFighter is extremely lucky to have parents like you and Tim. Whatever happens, we pray that Fighter and you will both be well! You’ve been extremely strong so just keep fighting! Good luck!
Most down-to-earth blogger couple ever. Hope Fighter (actually, everyone) gets through alright.
Be strong. I’ll pray for you.
Be strong. I’ll pray for u.
Take care and rest well, Aud! Will be praying for you and Fighter’s safety.
Stay strong! Fighter is gonna be alright!
Jia you Audrey&Tim!
i think it’s the first time i cried reading one of your blog entries, i will pray hard for you, fighter and fatty. it will be ok! xxx
Hang in there for a while in mommy’s tummy, fighter. Stay strong, Audrey & Timothy. I will be praying for whatever happens, fighter will be a healthy strong baby and Audrey will be a healthy mommy too 🙂
Not an easy time for you, Tim and Fighter. First time I teared reading a blog because I was touched by the love, sincerity and concern Tim has towards you and Fighter. I hope all goes well and Fighter grows healthy and strong. God bless 🙂
Stay Strong! Praying for your little family!nnwww.snapjo.blogspot.com
Audrey, you are a very strong mummy to be..stay strong!!! Pray that you and your baby will be healthy! Timothy is a very strong daddy to be too. *hugs* hope you will feel better..
A very touching letter indeed and couldn’t stop tearing reading it. Aud, Tim n baby Fighter will have all the blessings n prayers from all of us. Stay strong and we strongly believe that the 3 of you will make it through!
Pray for u dear! Stay strong! All my prayer goes to Timothy u and fighter. Everything will be alright! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ hugs
That was so sweet of Tim to write the letter to you Aud. I know it’s not easy but keep fighting on, fighter keep fighter on too. Will be keeping the 3 of you in my thoughts and prayers
For the 1st time I leave comment here and cried reading a blog. You can do it, Audrey and Timothy! I’ll pray for your family.
Sis is workin there, told her bout u.If u happen to really deliver within this time, I’ll be asking my sis n her whole team of nurses to take extra care of ur baby. nnBest wishes!!! May u n fighter stay safe throughout this ordeal
Can’t help but tear upon reading this post. Stay strong Audrey, Tim and fighter! Ur readers from all over the world will pray for u ❤❤❤
Your ordeal managed to touch many hearts, including mine. Stay strong and will keep you guys in prayers.
Praying for both of you!
Dear Audrey, Timothy and fighter,nStay strong! We are all praying that your little family will get pass this tough times. All the good vibes your way.
This is my first time commenting. Stay strong Audrey! I’ll be praying for you and your baby!
This letter is so touching my tears just keeps flowing. You both are lucky to have each other. This difficult time will pass and we look forward to see your healthy little bundle of joy! Be strong Audrey and Tim.
Praying for 3 of you. Stay strong.
all the best! wishing the best for the 3 of you <3
Heyy Aud and Tim! I’ve been a silent reader for a looong time (since you were in the US) but this is my first time commenting. I teared reading this post. It’s amazing how you and Tim are each other’s pillar of strength. I pray for Fighter to be born out to be a healthy champion! You both are such kind hearted people, i am sure that your family will be blessed with much blessings! Stay strong!!! You’re a family of three! Fighter will be fighting his best as well! 🙂
Stay strong Audrey and fighter! Praying for your health everyday.
Jiayou aud and Tim! I’m praying for all of you. Stay strong,,
I’m sorry that all of you have to go through this. It must be very difficult. But I’m happy that you are married to your fatty whom obviously loves you dearly. Any lesser man wouldn’t have been such a strong pillar for you. If it’s any consolation, my brother was born prematurely when he was 7 months old in a government hospital 30 years ago. Today he’s a respected engineer and one of the smartest person I know. With the advancement of technology, figher will do very very well. Be strong, lots of love!
Hi Audrey, I just prayed for you and Fighter. Take care and stay strong. n
I’m in a love hate relationship with your blog because I usually read it during work hours and it’s fine if it’s the normal “wtf” posts, but the recent ones make me wanna cry like fatty did in the car, but in my office. T^T I hope everything will be back to “wtf” phase soon, and you’ll be saying “wtf” because fighter did something cute.
our thoughts and prayers are with you both as you go through this difficult period. Stay strong..n
I will pray for both of u n the baby. Stay strong!!!! I was moved by the love that u have for each other. Couldn’t even hold back my tears when i read the part which fatty cried. Stay strong. Ok!!!! All is well 🙂
Hi Audrey and TImothy, I have been a silent reader all the while, but want to leave you a comment to wish both of you all the best. I’m keeping your family in my thoughts and Fighter, I am sure, with all the love and support and dedication, will be a happy, healthy baby. You both have been very strong and tough and inspiring. Please keep well.
I cried reading Tim’s letter… Stay strong, Aud and Tim. This will past and we are all praying for both of you and Fighter. Sending lots of love and prayers to all three of you.
Dear Aud,nI believe everyone who read the recent letters from Tim to you and fighter ends with tears on their face. I can’t imagine the pain and pressure you have on you as I have not gone thru the same but I would understand how tough it will be. You have been strong. So does Tim and Fighter. Otsukaresama desu! I duno what else to say but please be safe, and continue to be strong, the fight is not over yet but we will be here to pray for you. Always! Ganbatte kudasai ne! nnFrom a fan of yours,nAudrey
Hi Audrey and Tim, everyday i say a prayer for both of you and fighter. As i read the letter from Tim to you, Audrey. I was having tears in my eyes in the office. The journey hasn’t been easy for both of you and I pray that things will get better for both of you. You both are an inspiration to me.Stay strong. I will continue praying.
Hi Tim and Aud, I couldn’t imagine the pain both you were going through. I’ll keep both of you and Fighter in my prayer everyday. Mama and Papa Fighter please be strong and fight to the end, you know, both of you are not alone. Judging by the comments given by other readers, I believe everyone here is fighting (literally) with the 3 of you. Tim (dunno whether you’ll read this), it’s okay to uhuk uhuk, everyone has their emotions, uhuk uhuk is good to let out ur emotions that was built inside you in these 12 days. May God bless 3 of you enduring this difficult period. Sincerely.
Dear Tim & Audrey & Fighter, nmy prayers will be with your family. Please stay strong and keep fighting. <3
Dear Audrey,nnYou have been doing a really awesome job. Keep fighting, you can do it! Like other, me and my husband will keep you in our prayers too.
i will count ur family in my prayer. God will be with you as long as you trust Him.
Thank you for having the strength to share with us a part of your life in a very difficult time. This is a very touching post. I am moved to tears by how strong you both have been for each other. I will pray for you all and praying really hard that baby will grow into a healthy adult and mommy and daddy to be safe and strong too.
Dear Audrey and Timothy. I have been a silent reader for the both of you for a long time now. nI teared reading the recent blogposts of you, Timothy and J M Tiah. I have been silently praying for the 3 of you ever since. <3nLife is a journey full of treacherous paths. What we can do is to face them with courage and overcome it. Always remember, Every Cloud has a Silver Lining :)nPlease continue to stay strong as you both are right now. Do not lose hope.nPeople with good hearts and kind souls like you and Timothy, I’m sure God will reward you wtih a life full of abundance.nHave faith! n*Splashing waves of moral support over to you & Tim*n- xoxo –