Last night was one of the scariest nights for us so far.
Too tired to write right now but I wanted to document this part of our journey so I asked Fatty to take dictation from me. Here’s what happened last night:
1) Went into the bathroom to pee when I wiped fresh blood came off the tissue paper in gushes.
2) We called the nurses who immediately transferred me to the labour room.
3) I also started having contractions which were coming at intervals of every 4-5 minutes. They put me on a new blood pressure drug which also works to stop contractions. I was in premature labor.
4) One hour later the medicine slowed down the contractions a bit but not enough. By then, they were coming every 10 minutes.
5) Got injected with steroids in case the contractions couldn’t be stopped and Fighter had to come out in the next couple of days. Steroids is a way to accelerate the development of the baby’s lungs.
6) When the medicine didn’t work to bring down the contractions, they decided to sedate me to relax my whole body and hopefully also relax my uterine muscles and stop the contractions. This was at 6AM.
7) I passed out until late today and thankfully by the time I woke up the bleeding and contractions had both stopped *throws confetti*.
8) The bleeding is suspected to be from a marginal placental abruption, which means that the placenta is bleeding or tore away from my uterus wall a bit. So the next step is to just delay Fighter’s delivery until the second steroid injection is administered, which is tonight. After that whenever my body goes into labour again, we won’t fight it, and I will deliver Fighter.
I asked Fatty to help me update my blog with this but he came back with a letter to me instead. He seems in the mood for writing letters after he wrote one to Fighter yesterday on his blog. I asked him if he’s okay to publish it and he said ok so here it is.
————
Dear Shorty,
The past 12 days have been difficult. I know we expected that the road to having kids wouldn’t be an easy one for us, but I’m sure neither of us imagined we would be tested so hard. I have a confession though and since I’m to embarrassed to tell you myself, maybe I’ll just write you.
You see while the past 12 days have been difficult, the past 24 hours had been one of the toughest for me. I knew that from the moment you told us you had vaginal bleeding that it wasn’t going to be an easy night but I was prepared. Every day I remind myself how difficult this must be to you and so I push myself to be that rock of support that you need.
So when there was blood, I stayed calm and called the nurses in. When they tested you and found out that you were in labour, I told you not to worry because there will be ways to slow it down. When you were worried that there won’t be enough time to administer the steroids to accelerate the development of Fighter’s lungs, I confidently brushed it off and said there will be. And when they finally gave you the injection, I squeezed both your hands with mine so that you would know I’m with you.
By the time I reached home that night I was so tired I was walking into walls. I couldn’t sleep though. I was up for a long time, eager for tomorrow to come so I could go to see our Doctor and ask her what was going on.
The next morning when I walked into your room you were fast asleep. The nurse had told me they had sedated you to bring down the contractions and you would be asleep until noon. I saw an eyelid of yours move when I came in so I knew you were awake, You then mumbled, telling me that you had been sedated. I sat around for a while then I decided that since you were asleep I would go to work first and come back 6 hours later when you were awake. But before I left I had to see our Doctor.
So while you were asleep I walked across to our Doctor’s clinic. I will always remember the look she had on her face when I walked in. It was a look of worry. For the first time throughout this episode she looked worried. She went on to tell me how the bleeding was from a part of your placenta and that’s what caused your body to go into labour. That she had managed to slow it down so we have time for the steroid injections to take effect but the situation was unpredictable. She was sure we wouldn’t last another 4 weeks as we had planned and even at 30 weeks, Fighter is way too premature but at least we managed to hold it off for two weeks. The only thing we could do… was pray. I thanked her… grateful that we had such a good caring Doctor during this difficult time and left her clinic.
It had began to drizzle when I started walking to my car in the open-air car park. I knew I was supposed to go to the office but my mind was all over the place. For the first time throughout this episode I felt like there was nothing I could do to make this better. No amount of money, no amount of time I spent with you, no amount of research and no amount of medical care could make this situation any better.
Then as I sat in my car my Father called. He asked me what was wrong with you and in my car in that open-air car park I broke down and cried. For the first time in many many years I cried, not just man tears or anything but the faggoty “uhuk uhuk” crying you hate seeing other guys do (Fuckin pussy… I hate myself for that). I didn’t know what else to do and how else to help you. I spent the next 10 minutes in the car trying to compose myself.
After I pulled myself together I decided that I didn’t want to go anywhere else. I didn’t want to run away from the problem. So I got out my car and walked back into the hospital. I’m glad I did, because when I got to your bedside again you whispered that you were hungry but was too weak to eat or call for help. So I had the chance to help you up and feed you.
When I think back now I realize now why I had that moment of weakness. As much as you often tell me how I am a rock to you, the truth is… even in this difficult time you are a rock to me too. And this morning when you were sedated I felt like I had lost you. That I was all alone.
If there is one thing good that I feel this experience has brought us is that it has tested our relationship and got me to understand how we depend on each other in so many ways. How I rely on your strengths just as much as you rely on mine.
I told Dad and Mum today over dinner…. that somehow, after going through this experience… I feel that I love you even more.
Sincerely,
Skinny (Or Fatty…. poh-tay-toh poh-tah-toh what’s the difference?)
Comments (236)
Dear Audrey and Tim, You are in our prayers. Lots of warm e-hugs. X
stay strong aud, tim and Fighter!
Stay strong and be blessed.
Stay strong and take care. 🙂
Dear Audrey, Tim and little fighter,nI’m downright sobbing my heart out right now for your little family, fighting so hard against all odds. Been a silent reader of both blogs for years, but it’s my first time to actually make myself heard on the comment box. I might just be another reader, but being a reader for so long, I feel that I’m in this all together too. I sincerely hope, pray and wish that your family would eventually cross this hurdle safely and strongly. There are many silent readers just like me supporting you guys all over the world. Please stay strong and I’m sure things will get better! As it goes, love conquers all. 🙂 nnLots of love and strength,nYinnXxxxxxxxxnn(also posted on Tim’s blog)
You have lots of readers out there praying and hoping the best for you. It’s all we want, seeing you and Fighter emerge as the winners at the end of the episode, all well. Take care and no matter how repetitive this is, be strong! Fighter and you are in all your readers’ prayer tonight. 🙂
I’m sure all three of you will get through this.nWe’re all wishing you the best.
All my prayers go out to you and your family, stay strong & stay positive. All the love. xx
Praying for you guys!! Take care.
Both Fighter and you will be fine! Keep the optimism and I’m sure baby Fighter will grow strong and healthy to meet his loving parents in due time. Will keep you guys in my prayers! *extremely moved by Tim’s letter 🙂 n
Stay strong and have faith, things will turn better for Audrey and Fighter. nnAlways check out instagram and blog for your news, everything will be fine 🙂 i believe.
Audrey, you are a beauty inspiration to me and your relationship with Tim has helped me in my relationship in many ways too. Both of you has taught me so many things and I’m so glad I came across both of you guys’ blogs. I can’t express how happy I am reading both blogs, how you guys communicate with each other and how you guys always stay together and stay strong.nnI will keep you, Tim and Fighter in my prayers. Hoping that my lil prayer and wish will sooth you down. Stay strong Aud, I know you will. I hope I could help you as much as you help me..
Audrey I just wanted to share with you a story of a premature baby.nIt’s not a long story but it is a happy one.nTen years ago my friend gave birth to a baby boy who was premature and so tiny that he could fit into the palm of her hand. nRewind to the present day and that tiny little baby is a monstrous ten year old who tears around everywhere at lightening speed and has not suffered a single problem, despite completing his development outside of the safety of the womb!nFighter is lucky to be born into this day and age. Best wishes to you both!
Hi Tim and Audrey!nI dont know you guys personally but my heart and prayers go to the both of you and Fighter. If anything, i do hope that Audrey will have a safe delivery and your little boy will be a healthy baby. This is just one of life’s many challenges and i pray that God will grant you the strength to face it. He will not challenge you with something that you could not handle. Stay positive and stay strong. All the best!
I’ve been stalking on Tim’s and your ig for update coz I am praying for your little family just like everyone else. Not gonna make you read too much now, I’m just the 166th to tell you both that you are in my prayer too. x <3
i have been a silent reader for about six years now…but i think i can stay silent no more. so here’s me being the 167th person to tell you that you, tim and fighter are in my prayer. i wish all of you well. stay strong xxnn
Audrey ，勇敢的妈咪 加油n宝宝可以感受到你正在为他努力的。
May god bless you and the family.
I actually teared reading this. Blessings to you both, and will pray for Audrey & Fighter! God bless!
Hi, I never leave any comments here before but just wanted you to know that I know a lady who deliver her baby less than 30 weeks and the baby is well 🙂 Mummy too. Bless you all.
Omg… I have always been a silent reader that this post made me cried so hard so hard. Please be strong both of you! Both of you have all our blessings! All the best!
Omg… I have always been a silent reader that this post made me cried so hard so hard. Please be strong both of you! Both of you have all our blessings! All the best!
Omg… I have always been a silent reader that this post made me cried so hard so hard. Please be strong both of you! Both of you have all our blessings! All the best!
Stay strong! Tim and Aud !
Dear Audrey, I have been reading your blog every now and then; and as your highschool mate (even though we never really talk to each other), I feel the need to leave you a comment; I know that it isn’t easy to be carrying a child, therefore I will keep you, your angel, and hubby in my thoughts and prayers always. Looking forward to your next post.
Dear Audrey, Tim and baby Fighter, stay strong! There are so many of us supporting you all! All iz well! Everything will be alright! *tears*
Stay strong to both of you & fighter! God BLESS you always!
Praying for you and your family’s wellbeing! You can do it, Aud! Lots of love <3
Keeping you, Tim and fighter in prayer. God bless you both !
sure u and fighter can overcome all these. I’m pregnant too and I can understand how a mother to be’s feeling when knowing our pregnancies aren’t normal as others. I have an ovarian cyst which will have to perform a minor surgery during 4-5 months pregnant. kambateh!
Hang in there! Keeping you in my prayers. You, Fighter, and Tim will always have our love and support. God bless you all!
blessed to aud and fighter.
blessed to aud and fighter.
audrey please hang in there please. my prayers goes all out to you and baby fighter xxx
Have to try to stay calm and be positive no matter what because everything will be so worth it when it’s finally time for fighter to come to this world.nnRemember that everyone is here to support you. So, be a brave soldier and march on! Be an angel and stay positive :))
Although I don’t know you personally, I start to worry for you as well. Jiayou! You and Fatty can definitely pass this tough times..I know whoever up there will give you all the strengths to survive through this! God bless you and fighter!!:)
Hi Audrey! Hope you are better soon!
trust and believe! praying really hard for you and that you and fighter will push through the very end! you’re a very brave mother and may you be blessed in return with a healthy baby!
trust and believe! praying really hard for you and that you and fighter will push through the very end! you’re a very brave mother and may you be blessed in return with a healthy baby!
Baby + Mom – stay strong.
Hi Audrey I have been a silent reader for years but I just wanted to say that the sacrifices you made for your family has been such an inspiration. Its always the darkest before dawn so ganbatte Audrey! Will keep you, fighter and tim in my prayers! Everyone is looking forward to see a healthy mother and baby. We are with you all the way! Much loves!
Honestly I am tearing while reading this. I knew its tough for both of you, and it’s tougher than what we read here, physically and mentally , but I believe both of you will holding each others hand and get thru all these. You guys are always my idol ,like what all the prince and princess living in fairy tale, having a happily ever after life.. I know both of you will do, with fighter as well!
I’ve been a silent reader all this while but felt that I should let you know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and your baby. Timothy’s letters to you and Fighter brought me to tears, and I am humbled by your unconditional sacrifice for Fighter.nnAnd this love that you and Timothy share. I’m sure love will get you through everything. Please stay strong and healthy.
God bless u n ur baby ok! Xx
Jia you seems like such an awkward thing to say at a time like this, but I think all your readers are thinking this! Stay strong!!
Stay Strong!
YOU ARE IN MY PRAYERS, stay strong…
Hold on there n stay strong ! Finger cross n pray for u & baby, be safe! U can do it!
Stay strong, we’ll pray for you both and the baby <3
I have just prayed for you. And will continue to pray for both you and baby. Be strong, stay strong. You are one awesome mama!!