Can you believe I’ve either been pregnant or breastfeeding for nearly three years now OMG. Breastfeeding has been such a huge part of my life for so long that I don’t give it a second thought anymore but I thought I should write about it before I forget.
When I was pregnant people would ask me if I would be breastfeeding and my answer was always yes. I never thought otherwise because everyone around me was breastfeeding too! I didn’t even think about whether I would have milk or not – cos I don’t worry about things before they happen hahaha.
Breastfeeding Fighter
When Fighter was born, I even more didn’t think about it because my delivery was already very kelam kabut. When I was in the hospital on bedrest, I made Fatty go out and buy a breast pump but immediately after giving birth, I was still half sedated and breastfeeding didn’t even occur to me.
Enter a lactation consultant, literally lol. A nurse knocked on my door, introduced herself as B, and told me she was here to check if my milk had come in. At that point, Fighter was in the incubator in the NICU and she told me the best thing I could do for him was to nourish him with my breastmilk.
She then proceeded to wield a syringe, maul my boobs and really extracted colostrum! Normally this would be considered very violating but I was too amazed by the fact that I was producing milk.
And so I started pumping and storing milk for Fighter. After I was discharged Fighter stayed in the NICU for another month so every day I would religiously pump and bring milk to the hospital. Fighter was born too premature to have developed his suckling instinct, so the nurses fed him with a cup.
I thought I would be an exclusively pumping mom because for a week after he came home, Fighter flat out refused my boobs. T____T I tried everything and was on the verge of giving up when suddenly one day he decided he did want it and suckled like a pro! I think his suckling instinct just finally kicked in.
And ever since then, we had a very smooth breastfeeding journey. Fighter would accept the bottle, but he always preferred his milk fresh from the source hahaha.
I weaned him when he turned a year old. Blog post here. (I was pregnant with Penny then and my obgyn recommended to stop since breastfeeding can cause the uterus to contract and I don’t wanna take any chances with Penny!)
Just went back to read my blog entries and I remember all the good times!!!!
…after Fighter has his fill, he pulls off the nipple, looks up and me and gives me the most beaming smile I’ve ever seen. The smile says, thank you and I’m soooo happy you’re my mommy because really your milk tastes awesome and you make me so happy, did I already say that?
🙂 🙂 🙂
Breastfeeding Penny
Breastfeeding Penny turned out to be a much bigger challenge!
Her birth was relatively uneventful so the nurses brought her immediately to my room to nurse. And you think about it, that was my first time feeding a newborn! When I nursed Fighter, he was already more than a month old.
Penny presented a different set of challenges. She would frequently fall asleep at the breast and take up to an hour to drink. Fighter latched on correctly from the start and never looked back, but Penny and I went through a bad first week cos she latched correctly only half the time.
After a month, she more or less got it but many times when it was feeding time, she would shriek and wail like I’m killing her fml. We chalked it up to a bad temperament but I never figured out why.
On our trip to Sydney I direct latched her 24/7. Then it was as if she just got so tired of it that when we came home she went on breast strike. Until now FML.
The only time I can nurse her now is when she’s half asleep. #foiledbyababy
So what I have to do now is at night I wash her up and change her and put her to bed. When she’s falling asleep I fasterly put her to my chest and feed her. Then she’ll drink happily. And midnight feedings are ok too cos she’s sleepy.
But the moment she wakes up in the morning, breastfeeding is impossible. T_T So now I just pump in the day and bottle feed her.
I was very disappointed and upset that she was rejecting breastfeeding. It felt like she was rejecting me as her mom #postnatalhormones
I persisted for weeks because I know she’ll benefit the most from direct latching but every feeding time I would get so stressed and sometimes cry, and Penny would be screaming herself blue in the face. She’d only calm down when nanny took her from me (and away from the dreaded breast) which hurt even more.
I gave up cos I realized that while breastfeeding is very important, us being happy and not in a constant state of stress is equally crucial. I would love to direct latch her fully because she would receive the full smorgasbord of nutrients and vitamins but I’m looking on the bright side. At least I can pump and give her some of that goodness in a bottle, and still direct latch her at night.
So here we are.
Penny is seven months old now and is already eating solids! But milk is still her main source of nutrition and I plan to breastfeed her until at least after her first birthday. (Cannot lose out to Koko wtf)
But when done right, the benefits can be so rewarding!
From providing your baby with the best possible food for him to meet his nutritional requirements at any given point, to saving on formula hahahaha. The convenience of not having to pack milk out or washing bottles, or not having to wake up and stumble to the kitchen to prepare formula.
But my favorite bit is always the bonding. Your baby will confirm want you cos you’re the source of food what hahahaha. Not to say moms who don’t breastfeed won’t have the bond – of course they will, breastfeeding is just one element of motherhood. But it’s something looking down at your baby on your breast and knowing only you can give this to him. And the way baby smiles at you when they’re satiated. 🙂
Plus it’s the best mute button when baby is crying or fussy HAHAHA. Just stuff it into their mouth and they shaddup lolol.
Breastfeeding is not easy but I’m thankful I managed to BF both kids for so long.
What’s your breastfeeding story?
Comments (16)
My baby rejected me before and I felt defeated… I was so afraid I have to become exclusively pumping mom, just imagine the bottle washing and milk warming in the middle of night :O He would cry like someone punch him when I turn him to me and stuff my boob in T_T Someone has to carry him away until he calm down then we will try again… Lucky for me, after he went on breast strike for some time, he is ok to accept the boobs again.
I’ve been only BF him for 3 months.. I can’t say the journey was all smooth but I really enjoy it. Yes it was hard at the first 1-2 months. Like the unforgettable 1hr marathon feeding session at the first month, the mastitis, or the doubt from families whether I have enough milk.. Things like this really stressed me out and can dry out my milk at anytime. I decided not to listen to anyone, it’s the matter between me and the baby, we will work it out.
Fortunately it turned out ok, and my baby never once hurt me. He’s a pro in suckling hahaha. I don’t know how long will I continue this but as long as my baby wants it, I’ll give it to him 🙂 It’s a lil bit sad to think of my baby doesn’t need me anymore when it comes to the time to wean him off hahaha.
I am currently post cesarean day 4 and my twin babies are in nicu. I had severe pre eclampsia and an emergency lscs was warranted.they were born at 34 weeks. I developed another feat of toxicity from the medication used to control PE,and thus was admitted to icu instantly after the cesarean,which occurred at wee hours. On post op day 1,a nurse came to talk to me about bf.she squeezed my (.)(.)and the most amazing thing occur,that I was able to produce colostrum! Since then I practise what she taught me.no matter how much (minimal )the milk I could give, it’s a progress. The first time a 0.3cc was produced(the nurse was very encouraging ).this motivates me more bcz bf is a wonderful journey!
My journey with breathtaking feeding also wasn’t that smooth. My baby boy was born premature and the suckling instinct didn’t kick in right away, also it took about 3 days (!!!) for me to start produce milk, so the nurses at the hospital were feeding him formula from the bottle. I was laying him at my breast every now and then, first he was just confused and didn’t know what to do, then he finally got it, but still couldn’t get enough milk by just suckling, he was falling asleep very quickly or suckling a lot but not being able to get anything out, so I have been pumping and feeding him with the bottle after he spent some time at the breast. Also I didn’t have enough milk to fully cover his daily need so I had to feed him formula from time to time.
I had lots of concerns and doubts of course, at the same time when my son was born, two friends of mine also got their baby’s and for them breastfeeding worked perfectly from the very beginning, so it made me wonder what the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I breastfeed my baby how it’s supposed to, why can’t I produce enough milk for him? I felt like I must be doing something wrongly and it’s all my fault and it costed me lots of tears…
Now, I have learned to accept things as they are and not stressing that much anymore and see the positives. In the meantime my boy learned to suckle a little bit better, I still have to pump but I’m happy he’s getting my milk, that he accepts both the breast and the bottle, that even when he can’t feed himself well at the breast, he’s still enjoying it and calming him when he’s restless, that that’s another opportunity for us to cuddle and be close. Sometimes I still have to feed formula but it’s now maybe once a day and I don’t feel bad about it anymore, I know I’m doing the best I can, my baby is 2 months old now and growing strong and happy and it makes me happy too 🙂
My breastfeeding journey was not good at all for my fist two daughters. So much of problems . My eldest refused to latch. I had to force her and she would scream. I had to pump and give. By then my milk supply lessened and i had to mix with formula. My second one was almost the same. Plus the nipple sore. I was working at that time. Now with my third. My son. Im fully bf and it has been a year. I cant say it was a smooth journey. Im a housewife now. But im happy i have given him the full nutrients he needs. Not easy. Im on duty 24/7. 1-2 hourly feeding at nite. During the day,housework,cooking,cleaning,sending and picking up my kids from school. The uncomfortable part is when i have to breast in public and he doest like to be covered. When i look back i feel the regret i didnt breastfeed my girls. Wish i had done it. I strongly recommend bf to all mothers.
Thanks Audrey for sharing this! I am currently pregnant and a first time mom so I’m very anxious about breastfeeding.
My breast feeding journey was more or less the same with penny as you mention above, everything you said all happened to me. I cried when she refuses my boob. I was scared that I will lose the bonding with her. The worst part is she had jaundice since day 2 till now, and I had the worst nipple sore ever. I had to cope up with the pain from the nipple sore to feed her constantly every two hrs, and babies that have jaundice like to sleeps a lot and waking her up it’s like a nightmare to me. She was like a sleeping beauty,and forcing her on my boobs make it worst for each other. My breast milk wasn’t enough for her and her jaundice shot up, I had no choice but to turn to formula. From that day on I will pump my breast milk and mix with formula for her to drink and her jaundice went down. Luckily now she is recovering. Now my baby is day 17.
Hi Audrey.. I’m surprised yet relieved when i read this blog.. I’m having the same frustration with you about my baby rejecting my boobs.. and I’m also doing the pumps and dreamfeedings..! I will too make him falls asleep before I feed him.. this started since he was around 4 mo plus (he’s 7.5 mo now).
I’m still frustrated by the fact that I can’t feed him when he’s awake.. cos the stuff to bring is getting more and more (yeah, breastpump, bottles, icepack, thermal bottle, even liquid soap to wash the bottles and spare parts)..
Due to that, I keep considering to wean him.. thanks for telling that you still persevering and me too will try my best despite the challenges..
Penny is the same age – 7.5 months! I’ve gotten used to this cos I gave up trying to latch her in the day at about 5-6 months. It’s doable… at least they’re still getting their nutrients. 🙂
wah only day 17! Hahaha you still have some way to go ahead of you. Glad your baby is doing well! Trust me, it gets easier and easier though. The first month is always the hardest.
All the best! I’m sure you’ll do fine.
Kudos for persevering! Even if you didn’t breastfeed your girls you were a wonderful mom who took care of all their needs. That’s all that matters actually.
That’s great that he takes both the bottle and breast! You’re so lucky! Congrats on the baby and sorry that he was born premature. 🙂
Oh no sorry to hear about that! I also had severe preeclampsia and an emergency C sect. I’m so glad to hear you have milk, at least no need to worry about that. All the best and your babies will be out of the hospital in no time!
Hahaha I felt a bit sad with Fighter too… but at the same time I was happy to have my body and boobs back hahahaha. You will have other ways of bonding with him by then too.
And he bites too! Ouch.. he’s not teething yet, but the gum is powerful.. hahaha..
Let’s keep it up together! Hope they all grow happily and healthily!
Hey fellow breastfeeding momma, so glad to read about your breastfeeding journey. I almost developed post natal depression because of self blame that I don’t have enough milk for my baby. I breastfed him for the first 2 days and he had to stay in hospital for 2 days due to jaundice while I discharged. It was so demoralising for me because there is nothing that I can squeeze out from my boobs. Only droplets that can’t even be measured on the smallest syringe. But we delivered it to my boy although he can only lick it clean. My milk only came on day 6. Sore nipples, 1 hour feed, sleepless nights pumping / feeding. But I’m so glad I have milk for him and manage to fully breastfeed from day 11. We have never looked back since. We have our fair share of ups and downs. He started to be very distracted while latching when he was 4 to 6 months. I thought he is done with the boobs and had developed a preference for bottle. Since I’m a working mum, I bring fresh milk back for him daily. But the determination in me still makes him drink at every chance we have on the weekends. At night, I have no problem latching him to sleep. Slowly, I realize I have to teach him that these boobies are the source of his milk. So when it’s time for a feed, I will flash the boob to get his interest. Babies are very smart, he knew it in no time that is the source of his beloved “mum mum / neh neh”. He is turning one next Friday and is still very excited when he sees the boobs. He will wack it in a gobble and nurse in all sort of position he loves. I really love this nursing relationship. People asks me when do I intend to stop. I don’t have an answer. I will feed as long as he wants and as long as I can. Cheers to your breastfeeding journey! 🙂