Fighter: Mommy, you need to eat a lot of rice and chicken and vegetables and fish…
Me: Oh, I do?
Fighter: Yea. So you can grow big like Daddy!

(Cos I’m always telling him to eat more so he can grow up and be a big boy)

*

Went out on an errand and received panicky messages from Fatty, telling me that Fighter was crying and going around the house looking for me.  When I went home…

Me: I heard you cried a lot just now. Why?
Fighter: Yea. Because I wanted you mommy. I wanted to go with you but Auntie Nancy said I cannot go out because the bad guy will catch me *does violent hand sweeping action*
Me: ?!
Fighter: Yea and Auntie Nancy don’t know how to drive. So I cannot go out.  I was sad.
Me: Oh I’m sorry darling. I went to see a school for you.  It’s a school for big boys and big girls.
Fighter: I’m a big boy now!
Me: Yes it’s for when you’re even bigger.
Fighter: Is it I’m in N2? (4 years old)

Fighter: Next time you cannot go out mommy.  Or else you have to sleep on the road.

*

Told him I have to get a replacement license cos I lost my driver’s license FML.

Fighter: Why you lost it, mommy? Why?
Me: ….
Fighter: Mommy I borrow your license.
Me: You mean you lend me your license?  Your Legoland license?

Fighter: Yea.

*

Fighter: I’m going to be adult soon.
Auntie Fayth: You are?
Fighter: Yea. Like you. I’m going to be taller.
Me: So what are you going to do when you’re an adult? Fighter: Drink coffee. Yea. And eat spicy noodles.

*

Took Fighter to pee in school before class starts.  Their toilet cubicles have little curtains instead of doors.

Fighter: Mommy. Please close the curtain or else everybody can see my bird.
Me: ok

Because I closed the curtain, I couldn’t reach him.  And he missed aim and peed all over his undies, pants and even socks FML.

Me: Oh no! How come you peed on yourself!?
Fighter: Because I didn’t hold my bird. Because I don’t want it fly away.

*

I was exercising in my room when Fighter and Penny barged in.  I happened to be wearing yoga pants and a sports bra.

Fighter: Mommy, I don’t want you to wear like this. Because you shame shame.

*

Before bedtime.

Fighter: I want Mommy sleep with me
Fatty: How about Daddy? Can Daddy sleep with you?
Fighter: No, cannot. Because you are too big.  Mommy is small because she didn’t eat enough.

*

Had a dinner with some friends so while Fighter was drinking his milk, I sneaked out of the house.  Apparently he cried for ages looking for me. T______T The next morning..

Fighter: Mommy, yesterday I very sad.  I cry because I wanted you.
Me: I’m so sorry.  I didn’t want to tell you I went out because I didn’t want to make you cry.
Fighter: Where you go Mommy?
Me: I went to eat dinner.
Fighter: Can I go? I want to eat dinner.  I will be a good boy.

*

The next time I had a dinner, I tried to prepare him instead of sneaking out.

Me: Jude, Mommy’s going to put you to bed then I’m going to go for dinner, ok?
Fighter: Where you going? *lip trembling
Me: I’m going to eat dinner. I haven’t eaten yet you know, and I’m very hungry.
Fighter: No! Don’t go for dinner! Sleep with me!
Me: But I’m so hungry. You already ate but I haven’t eaten cos I was waiting for you. Fighter: Ok but you eat downstairs in the kitchen. Don’t go out.

*

In the car on the way to drop Fighter off at school.  Penny is with us too so he knew we were going out after.

Fighter: Where you going?
Me: I’m going to go buy milk and diapers for you guys ok?
Fighter: No! Don’t go yet! Because I go to school first.  When I finish my work in school, I will come back and buy milk for you.
Me: ok *lying

I obviously ignored him and went grocery shopping.   Picked him up after, and when we got home, I unloaded the groceries from the trunk.

Fighter: !!! What’s that?
Me: Uh. Groceries.
Fighter: No I told you don’t go yet! I’m still working in school!

*

Fighter is taking his bath.

Fatty: Fighter, what’s that? *pointing at his little one
Fighter: No no! Don’t touch my bird!
Fatty: I didn’t. But why not?
Fighter: Because if you touch my bird, my bird will fly away. *points to the sky
Fatty: I see.
Fighter: And then I will become a girl.

*

Fighter: Mommy, I like girls with long hair.

*

Fighter: Don’t touch my bird, Baby. Later my bird fly away.

*

Fighter: Mommy, I’m a big boy.
Me: Yea but you have to drink more milk and eat more vegetables so you can be an even bigger boy.
Fighter: Is it then I can marry? Is it big boy can marry big girl?
Me: Yes. Who do you want to marry?
Fighter: (thinks) Gemma!
Me: Gemma? Do you like Gemma or Kate?
Fighter: I like Gemma and Kate. That’s why I marry them.

#polygamy

*

In the car.  The radio is on. It’s a Justin Bieber song.

Fighter: what song izzis?
Me: It’s called Love Yourself.
Fighter: Is it Love Jude?
Me: …uh I guess.
Fighter: And Penny!

*

Fighter sees Penny holding a toy he thinks is his.

Fighter: Baby!!!! No!!!! (tries to snatch it)
Penny: NUH!!!! (holds it out of reach)

*

Fighter to Penny (putting on his shoes): See you later Baby! I go out first.

*

Fighter: Jude has a bird! Baby has no bird.
Me: Yes Baby has no bird.  Why doesn’t Baby have a bird?
Fighter: Because Baby’s bird fly away.

*

Trying to teach Penny how to say I love you.

Me: Penny, say “I”.
Penny: Aiiiii
Me: Love.
Penny: Waaaaa
Me: You.
Penny: Yuuuu
Me: I love you.
Penny: Ta ta ta.

*

When she puts on a shirt that she likes.

Penny: Dada! (how she calls nanny) I yike I yike. (I like I like)

*

When we make her put on a shirt she doesn’t like.

Penny: No. No. No why. (don’t want)
Penny: (taking shirt and stuffing it under a chair) Hide. Hide.

*

Playing with her Peppa Pig doll.

Penny: (pinching Peppa’s curly pig tail) Bird. Koko bird.

Life without these two would be so lame. Hahahaha.