One of those days again.

When your son pulls a fever out of nowhere.  When he develops a sudden pain in his knee and foot, so painful he screams in agony for two hours.  When you rush him to the emergency room only to find it’s influenza.

When you might as well cancel the rest of your week then but you can’t cos you have two unmovable deadlines looming.  When you’re in the middle of a meeting when your phone suddenly got missed call and it’s your helper telling you your son’s fever is at 40C even though you gave him a suppository before you left for work that morning.  When the meeting is actually your client telling you why they’re disappointed in your work, and you want to look attentive but you can’t really focus anymore.

When you rush your son to the hospital (with a packed bag, expecting him to be admitted) and he vomits the whole way there.  When you and your husband eat Grab burgers at the hospital while waiting for the doctor.   When the doctor tells you no need to admit and relieved, you head home.  Sorry, when the rest of the family heads home, while you go back to work because deadlines.

When you fight with your husband because he needs to leave for the airport and your son is having a meltdown about it but you’re not home yet.  You went for an exercise class you already registered for, then went to tapau lunch and to school to pick up your son’s homework.  When you spend the rest of the day separating your children or yelling at them to keep their face masks on I ALREADY SAID DO YOU WANT TO CATCH/PASS ON THE FLU?, or googling indoor activities to keep them busy so you can actually work on your laptop.

When maybe your daughter finally has had enough with the reduced amount of attention she’s receiving and wakes up crying in a very heartbroken fashion.  When she clings on to your hand and refuses to even let you go grab dinner.  When she cries and cries and it’s 9 pm and you’re so exhausted and emotionally spent you’re crying yourself.

There are the bright sides of course.  The client, while unhappy, has also been the nicest to work with, for which I am grateful.  Work, while intense is also satisfying.  Fighter had crazy high fever yesterday but no temperature today today which is unexpectedly quick for influenza.  Tim and I have since made peace.

But all in all, it’s just been a rollercoaster of a couple of days.  It’s one of those times when I feel like I’m all hollowed out because I’ve given all my sayang and comforting away and I have nothing left for myself.

Here’s where I write that things can only get better, and I know they will.  Of course this too shall pass, but I don’t feel like ending it on such a note when I don’t feel cheerful at all.  I feel tired and teary and I will end it as such.