How Shorty’s been Doing

Last night was one of the scariest nights for us so far.

Too tired to write right now but I wanted to document this part of our journey so I asked Fatty to take dictation from me. Here’s what happened last night:

1) Went into the bathroom to pee when I wiped fresh blood came off the tissue paper in gushes.

2) We called the nurses who immediately transferred me to the labour room.

3) I also started having contractions which were coming at intervals of every 4-5 minutes. They put me on a new blood pressure drug which also works to stop contractions.  I was in premature labor.

4) One hour later the medicine slowed down the contractions a bit but not enough.  By then, they were coming every 10 minutes.

5) Got injected with steroids in case the contractions couldn’t be stopped and Fighter had to come out in the next couple of days. Steroids is a way to accelerate the development of the baby’s lungs.

6) When the medicine didn’t work to bring down the contractions, they decided to sedate me to relax my whole body and hopefully also relax my uterine muscles and stop the contractions. This was at 6AM.

7) I passed out until late today and thankfully by the time I woke up the bleeding and contractions had both stopped *throws confetti*.

8) The bleeding is suspected to be from a marginal placental abruption, which means that the placenta is bleeding or tore away from my uterus wall a bit.  So the next step is to just delay Fighter’s delivery until the second steroid injection is administered, which is tonight. After that whenever my body goes into labour again, we won’t fight it, and I will deliver Fighter.

I asked Fatty to help me update my blog with this but he came back with a letter to me instead. He seems in the mood for writing letters after he wrote one to Fighter yesterday on his blog. I asked him if he’s okay to publish it and he said ok so here it is.

————

Dear Shorty,

The past 12 days have been difficult. I know we expected that the road to having kids wouldn’t be an easy one for us, but I’m sure neither of us imagined we would be tested so hard. I have a confession though and since I’m to embarrassed to tell you myself, maybe I’ll just write you.

You see while the past 12 days have been difficult, the past 24 hours had been one of the toughest for me. I knew that from the moment you told us you had vaginal bleeding that it wasn’t going to be an easy night but I was prepared. Every day I remind myself how difficult this must be to you and so I push myself to be that rock of support that you need.

So when there was blood, I stayed calm and called the nurses in. When they tested you and found out that you were in labour, I told you not to worry because there will be ways to slow it down. When you were worried that there won’t be enough time to administer the steroids to accelerate the development of Fighter’s lungs, I confidently brushed it off and said there will be. And when they finally gave you the injection, I squeezed both your hands with mine so that you would know I’m with you.

By the time I reached home that night I was so tired I was walking into walls. I couldn’t sleep though. I was up for a long time, eager for tomorrow to come so I could go to see our Doctor and ask her what was going on.

The next morning when I walked into your room you were fast asleep. The nurse had told me they had sedated you to bring down the contractions and you would be asleep until noon. I saw an eyelid of yours move when I came in so I knew you were awake, You then mumbled, telling me that you had been sedated. I sat around for a while then I decided that since you were asleep I would go to work first and come back 6 hours later when you were awake. But before I left I had to see our Doctor.

So while you were asleep I walked across to our Doctor’s clinic. I will always remember the look she had on her face when I walked in. It was a look of worry. For the first time throughout this episode she looked worried. She went on to tell me how the bleeding was from a part of your placenta and that’s what caused your body to go into labour. That she had managed to slow it down so we have time for the steroid injections to take effect but the situation was unpredictable. She was sure we wouldn’t last another 4 weeks as we had planned and even at 30 weeks, Fighter is way too premature but at least we managed to hold it off for two weeks. The only thing we could do… was pray. I thanked her… grateful that we had such a good caring Doctor during this difficult time and left her clinic.

It had began to drizzle when I started walking to my car in the open-air car park. I knew I was supposed to go to the office but my mind was all over the place. For the first time throughout this episode I felt like there was nothing I could do to make this better. No amount of money, no amount of time I spent with you, no amount of research and no amount of medical care could make this situation any better.

Then as I sat in my car my Father called. He asked me what was wrong with you and in my car in that open-air car park I broke down and cried. For the first time in many many years I cried, not just man tears or anything but the faggoty “uhuk uhuk” crying you hate seeing other guys do (Fuckin pussy… I hate myself for that). I didn’t know what else to do and how else to help you. I spent the next 10 minutes in the car trying to compose myself.

After I pulled myself together I decided that I didn’t want to go anywhere else. I didn’t want to run away from the problem. So I got out my car and walked back into the hospital. I’m glad I did, because when I got to your bedside again you whispered that you were hungry but was too weak to eat or call for help. So I had the chance to help you up and feed you.

When I think back now I realize now why I had that moment of weakness. As much as you often tell me how I am a rock to you, the truth is… even in this difficult time you are a rock to me too. And this morning when you were sedated I felt like I had lost you. That I was all alone.

If there is one thing good that I feel this experience has brought us is that it has tested our relationship and got me to understand how we depend on each other in so many ways. How I rely on your strengths just as much as you rely on mine.

I told Dad and Mum today over dinner…. that somehow, after going through this experience… I feel that I love you even more.

Sincerely,

Skinny (Or Fatty…. poh-tay-toh poh-tah-toh what’s the difference?)

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  • Grace Law

    Hi.. :) just wanna encourage you to stay strong, and keep the faith. I believe God is in control, and you will be fine. You have inspired me a lot, and I believe that you can overcome all challenges in your life, like you always do. Will continue to keep you in my prayer because I do believe all things are possible through Him. Hugs! God bless :)

  • Anonymous

    Jia you!! dont give up!!

  • Claire

    A silent reader too, I just want to add my well-wishes to you, Tim, Fighter and your families. This has got to be the most difficult struggle of your lives so far, and there is little we can do to alleviate that. Just know that we all wish only the best for you. Stay strong (but it’s still totally okay to hyuk hyuk in the car when you have to)!

  • Claire

    A silent reader too, I just want to add my well-wishes to you, Tim, Fighter and your families. This has got to be the most difficult struggle of your lives so far, and there is little we can do to alleviate that. Just know that we all wish only the best for you. Stay strong (but it’s still totally okay to hyuk hyuk in the car when you have to)!

  • Anonymous

    Pray hard for Fighter and Audrey. Stay strong Timothy

  • Anonymous

    Pray hard for Fighter and Audrey. Stay strong Timothy

  • Tricia

    I will pray for you and fighter! It will be fine!

  • Anonymous

    Stay strong!!! Will pray for your family. Everything is going to be alright :)

  • starmist

    I teared when I read Tim’s letter to you. Be strong, both of you! May everything go well.

  • Cindy

    Everything will turn out to be ok. Stay strong :)

  • Lenny

    OMG I am so moved by Tim’s letter. It’s so touching how you are both able to see the silver lining and stay strong despite how traumatic this experience must be for you both. I can’t believe you are still thinking about us, your readers, when you are in such a difficult situation. You are both such wonderful, hardworking people…I’m sure you have God’s blessing. Everything will be alright…I will pray for your (and Fighter’s) health!!

  • Laura

    You and your family will be bless in all sorts of ways. I may not know the suffering you guys are going through but I am keeping you, Tim and Fighter in my prayers. I hope you’ll get well soon and that Fighter will be delivered healthily. :) W lotsa love.

  • Nicole

    I’n deeply moved by the letter Tim has written for you. You are such a strong woman and I wish you all the best Audrey!

  • Wen Xi Khor

    Stay strong Audrey! I cried after reading the letter T_____T you guys will be great and fighter will be delivered healthily! Jia you!

  • Angeline

    I’ve been a silent reader for quite some time of your blog and your hubby’s. I’m sorry to hear your pregnancy has been difficult. But the way you and your hubby have been handling this situation has been very inspiring. In particular Tim’s letter to you today. It’s very clear both of you love each other very much. I wish you both a lifetime of happiness, and most importantly, I pray your baby and yourself will pull through this bump in the road, and your recoveries go smoothly.God Bless.

  • Angeline

    PS: Tim, only the brave have the courage to experience moments of weakness and allow that to make them stronger. You take good care of yourself too….

  • iza

    i’m in tears Y_Ynbe strong, both of you!

  • valzie

    tim’s a really good husband. I’m keeping Fighter and you in my prayers. Keep on fighting, you’ll be a great mummy :) looking forward to seeing baby Fighter!

  • JH

    Dear Audrey, as I read your husband’s letter, tears rolled down my eyes. I’m praying for your baby’s safety and for yours too. You have a very loving husband. No matter what happens, don’t give up. I have no idea how you both feel now but it must take a lot of courage to share this with us readers. You have have shown that you have strength and you will definitely pull through this. May all three of you be well and happy.

  • Jam

    Get well soon Audrey. Sorry you guys have it so rough. I admit I shed a few tears too! it is obvious Tim loves you very much. I know that fighter has such good parents and he is in good hands. Praying for you and your little family. :)

  • dianne

    T_T More tissue please!!! I may not know you too personally but please know that you’re in my prayers esp. fighter. Hold on and just pray nothings impossible with him.

  • Cin

    Papa + Mummy + baby, stay strong and evthg will be alright, have faith ;) u guys are an inspiration to us

  • IMM

    oh no… i cried reading this. Be strong…

  • Anonymous

    randomly stumbled upon this blog, sorry to hear about you guys but this story moved me a lot , it reminds me there is still true love, you both are an inspiration. be strong x

  • Jill

    This post made me cry…. You’re very strong Audrey!! I’m glad your baby came into this world safely, stay positive, things will only get better. You have a wonderful husband who supports you wholly and great motherhood ahead of you!! Best wishes to you Audrey xx

  • Anonymous

    fuckin niagra fall. u’re a good husband to aud. btw be strong aud hope everything goes well with you and baby fighter! lots of love, hugs and kisses all the way from ur readers :’)

  • Anonymous

    Be strong guys. You all deserve all the good luck and blessings in the world.

  • ahlost

    *hugs*

  • Michelle

    I cried so hard reading this…

  • Isabelle

    teary post.. so happy its al coming to an end nw. fighter mz cont to fight. aud mz cont to get better. while tim cont to b the great husband n dad. :D support u 3. hugs <3

  • Janice

    >_< made me cry T_T. You guys would be great parents :) ))

  • Vylette79

    guys…your blog reminded me of our experience (my husband and I) 7 months ago when I gave birth to our child.. she is also premature and I am also having a preclampsia.. but all I can say is THINGS WILL BE OK! :) I wish I can attach her pix way back January 29, 2013 to let you see that your “Fighter” can make it…step by step…day by day you will see the changes!…for Mommy Shorty please try your best to breast feed him…your breast milk is very important for him to recover and make him healthy free from sickness….God bless you guys and stay in love! :) )nn- Shiela

  • Sarah

    backlog reading though i’ve been keeping up with yours and tim’s instagram postings…this post made me tear T-T glad you are all better now and fighter is growing steadily stronger…:)nnYou two would do great :) Go Audrey go! Go fighter go! Go tim go! GOGOGO!! (ps. please read it and imagine it to be in a cheerleaders voice with an imaginary pom pom) Take care!

  • kara

    this made me tear up… stay strong. the both of you are lucky to have each other, and now, fighter :)

  • remsal

    The part where he confessed he’s helpless… So tearing…nAnd he can write.. :)

  • Ken

    Guys, we love you *tears*