Sorry, NOT in a good mood now.
I’m irritated at almost all of my best friends, for god knows what reason. Bear with me, it must be because I forgot to take my hormone pills last night.
And dammit! My comp seems to have lost its sound! Aku tak dapat dengar itu lagu lagi!
Lately I’ve been having this feeling that’s nagging me. There are quite a few people who pass judgement on me before they even get to know me properly.
I know that as a person, I am shallow, don’t think real hard about most things, including heavy issues like I dunno, war or Canny Ong’s murder, obsessed with my appearance and probably swear too much and make too many sick jokes.
I know that some people say I’ve changed at lot. Maybe I have. But do you have a right to complain about me changing as a person? Who is to say that as a human being on this world, you will stay stagnant while your surrounding twist and evolve? That you will remain forever the same while everything around you changes?
Last year, there was this guy in my class in college, who told me that I had changed a lot since I was twelve.
Lets call him No Nuts.
He went on to say that I should not have changed, because it is as though I don’t like my old self and strived to turn into a new person.
I seriously felt like laughing and spitting into his face.
Points to consider:
1. No Nuts has only known me last year, has not known me when I was twelve, nor anytime before that or after….only known me at age 18.
2. Can you please name a person who has not changed the slightest bit from age 12 to age 18?
3. He said that I should have stayed like how I was in my IC picture… which was me with bangs across my forehead, giant red specs and buck teeth. Now I still have bangs across my forehead, but no specs and orthodontically corrected teeth. He said I shouldn’t have “made myself become so pretty” because “now when guys go after me, I dunno whether they like me for me or for my looks”.
Wtf?! Do you expect me not to change at all thruout my teenage years? To not even get braces for my teeth that are fcuking crooked?! So I should stay looking that way so I will know who is sincere towards me and who is not, huh?
What a fantastic idea! And now, when my first boss hires me for my first real job, I WILL KNOW TOO THAT HE IS SINCERE TOWARDS ME!
My boss hired me even though I look like a pig’s behind, BECAUSE HE IS SINCERE.
I don’t care how sincere my boss is! All I care is if he will be a fair and professional boss and not make my working life a hell!
Studies have shown that first impression is something that counts a lot in everyday life. It is proven that better-looking people have an unfair advantage as in they are given more and better opportunities than their less-goodlooking counterparts. So why then, pray tell me, shouldn’t I want to present a good first impression for people?
PLUS I am not making myself look good so I can “attract more guys”. PLEASE! Am I an idiot who thinks that just because a lot of people are attracted to someone, that person will have a happier existence, lose less hair and have better sex overall?
(Come to think of it, yes, he/she might get more, if not better, sex due to the hordes of groupies wanting a piece of their ass).
Go and die, that is not my goal.
I am doing this for my own self-worth and esteem. So whoever that thinks this bimbo-ism is due to a wish to be popular, go fuck yourself.
Another person has also said stuff to me about myself changing that makes me want to strangle him even more than No Nuts, if that’s possible.
Let’s call him Hernia.
In the long, long ago past, Hernia has always complained that I am not popular enough, am too short, only associate with nerds, never yell at people who have wronged me, have bad dress sense and even the scrunchies I wear to school are not nice enough.
These days, Hernia is saying that I know too many people that are too cool for words and for me, snap at him too easily, yells at me for going clubbing and interrogates me over every other guy I know because I think he wants to imply that I am a slut.
You made me into what I am today. Well, you did most of it anyway. You were the one who drilled it into my head that looks are one of the most important things. You screwing me over every small thing I did made me less intolerable of people fcuking me up. But on the good side, you gave me the confidence to dress up and be pretty.
I am not blaming you for the hand you took in making me different from what I was. I was always obsessed with looks, its just that its manifested itself stonger now. You were in my life for a reason, maybe it was for that, maybe it was to make me stronger and better equipped to fight with people. I don’t blame you for that.
I blame you for blaming me because I changed. You did that. Don’t forget it.
As for people who look down on me because I am shallow or bimbo-istic, too bad. If you are too blind or self-absorbed to not notice things other than my bimbo-ism, then noone can help you.
I love being a bimbo, and applying makeup (it feels like art!) and irritating people by asking them if my mascara ran. I don’t deny it; that is a part of me.
But please let me tell you that I probably read more books than you in your entire life, have a wider vocab (though my blog might not show it), don’t own more than 3 books of chick lit, got 90 plus for my TER, worry about beggars a lot, and ran into the rain to save my best fren, wtithout a thought to my makeup!:P
Besides being what you might call a bimbo, I am also what you might also call a geek (I refuse to say nerd due to certain associations with the word).
If you don’t know me, shut up.
Change the World
