AudRubbish Funny Fat Her stories

Knit king

**This is the 3rd time I’m writing this post – first time I accidentally pressed Refresh and 2nd time I forgot to save.What have I been doing the past week?

1. Emoing over my departure from Melbourne
I finally admit that LDR is the shittiest thing ever conceived of by the powers above (next to war, famine and guns). Every separation is worse than the last. Thus, I have been tearing and moping around the house in my free time.

2. Having my visa for Japan made.
No hassle there *waves hand dismissively* except that Mummy Ooi cleverly took TWO wrong turns on the way to the embassy, even with Fat Her’s handy hand-drawn map.

3. THiS!!

Knitting!! ME!!

On one of those lazy hazy days of summer, I followed Mummy Ooi to the handicraft store in Subang Parade. I sat down with a dozen gossipy middle-aged housewives and learnt how to knit. Unfortunately I didn’t make any new friends thanks to the age gap wtf and the fact that they were gabbling away pok pek pok pek in Cantonese or Hakka.

But but just look at it! Aren’t the stitches beautiful?

The stitches, not my nail. Cos my nails are damn fugly now.

The recipient of this scarf is so darn lucky. Nobody has ever received anything handmade from me. Except Mummy Ooi when I made a spice rack in form 2 for Kemahiran Hidup (Living Skills). And my maid when I made this fugly skirt out of curtain fabric also for KH.

4. Spoiling things around the house.
I tore the new road tax sticker meant for the Civic. I pushed my father’s laptop screen back so violently that it broke. I was trying to change toner cartridgers and pulled out the old one too roughly so it got stuck and spoiled the printer.

And what has Fat Her been doing?

Being stupid as usual.

Since Brother Ooi is in US, we’ve been webcamming with him often. I mean, the Parents Ooi have. Once they were webcamming with him while I was sitting opposite them on my laptop. Fat Her came over to talk to me then went back to their computer.

He saw a figure in a white tshirt moving about on the screen.

He put up his hand, waved and yelled, “Hi!!!!!”

He thought it was my brother’s new friend and decided to be friendly. *sobs*

Incident number two was when we were having dinner.

Fat Her had finished all his rice and was only picking from the lauk-pauk wtf.

Suddenly I heard a “Yeee!”.

I looked up and Fat Her was grimacing over a fly on the table. He killed it with a tissue and we continued eating.

Then I heard another “Yeee!”.

I looked up and Fat Her was making choking noises and smoothing down his shirt where his throat and stomach were.

Trembling, he told me he used his spoon earlier to scoop the fly out of the dish onto the table. Then he forgot and used his spoon to eat again.

Why is my father like that! See la, I inherit his genes!

Oh ya last night I went to Petaling Street and this stupid Ah Beng passed me by and whispered “Zhou meh lei kum leng geh.” (Why are you so pretty?)

WTF.

Pretty means pretty la! Ask my parents la! Good genes okay wtf. Hor Tze Ching and Suet.

P/S: Ok la thank you Fat Her Ooi for your genes.

Ok off to knit more.

Comments (1)

  • Hahha. Your father is funny 😀

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