Note: I took nearly a day to decide whether or not to put this post up. I spoke to a few people about it, and while some reacted with sympathy, others laughed or brushed it off. I don’t think I could take more disparagement. If I change my mind later, I will take this post down.
The good news is that yesterday I received a whole bunch of calls and emails to schedule interviews for next week. =)
The bad news is that I went for an interview today…
Some people might know which university it is that I interviewed with.
I am not saying names for privacy’s and propriety’s sake.
But it is a private institution, and this was my 2nd interview there.
I met with one of the directors, who offered me a position, complete with pretty decent pay for a fresh graduate. Taking the job would mean that I had the chance to get to where I want to be in my life.
But then he started doing very inappropriate things to me.
We were in the reception area and he said we should head to his office to talk more. Then he put out his hand to me so I took it, thinking he wanted to shake my hand.
But he held on to my hand and pulled me with him to the elevator.
He tried to hold my hand again in his office.
He also caressed my cheek and stroked my hair a few times.
When we were leaving his office he extended one arm to me for like a one-armed hug so I just cordially patted his shoulder.
But he pulled me to him and hugged me and pressed his cheek against mine. (I dunno if he was aiming for my lips and got my cheek instead)
What happened to me cannot be compared to the ordeals of rape or molest victims of course.
But I think this is sexual harrassment, even before I start work wtf.
Even though he didn’t touch me anywhere intimate, I felt violated and shamed enough.
And I was a bundle of raw nerves being alone in his office and elevator with him.
I don’t really understand why I felt so bad. I told my mom and I wanted to tell my dad and brother myself, but I struggled with coming out and saying it because I kept feeling so ashamed even though I know it’s not my fault.
Instead I spent the whole day being silent and finding it difficult to laugh at funny things. I didn’t even feel like talking to anyone, which is already very chronic for me.
Fuck perverted old, short, dark men with oily long hair. Make me feel like shit for no reason!
I went out with Hsin, Mitch, Dennis, Shaun and Jill earlier and laughed a lot. So I feel much better right now, which is why I am blogging about this.
If what I have heard is true, and their management culture is really one that not only does not discourage leering and other forms of sexual harassment and discrimination, but may even indirectly abet it, taking it as some macho power game, then I swear to god I am going to bring this corporation down. This is going to be a lifetime vendetta wtf.
Where is the justice in this world if people who are in power get away with shit just because of who they are? And are people (and students) like me just expected to shut up and put up with it because we are not in a position to do anything about it?
Fuck you assholes.
P/S: If you’re going to leave a comment, please do not mention the university name if you think you know it. All comments with such names will be deleted. If you want to verify it, just think of the worst private university you know, and you are probably right.
Comments (80)
Aww… he’s just too friendly. haha.
oh i see..i thought what’s with the title “otak puki”..haha =/
this is too much..you should have report this to the police and take this as a serious matter..what if it happens to the next person that went for the interview just like you?
p/s:i’m quite curious to know which university it is..
eew what a perv. Hope you find a job elsewhere if you do get accepted to this job. Next you would be doing the same to future graduate students … ai ya pervy little aud 😉
i went through the same situation like u million years ago. i know. thats a normal reaction that u kept quiet about it becos i never told anyone about it until last year, i finally told my bf. i was in a mall when an old man came up to me asked for direction to go to this shop. n then he became a lil bit too friendly when he started asking my name, age, n i knew somethings up. n then kan, he asked me whether im a christian which was obvious i was wearing a cross n started talking about brotherhood among christian youth i just came back from church for christs sake i dont need to hear more. so i was like ok and ok n ok la n suddenly kan, he pulled me into his arm n hugged me in public place some more OMG!! i had the shock of my life n he continued preaching about christianity, sigh, i dunno why i still want to listen. n last last rupa2nya he wanted to ask me out next time if we meet again i swear i was so ashamed i never told anyone about it until last year.
yes, i am too until now still ashamed of that incident. very traumatic i tell u. because. thats the third time i kena.
ok. thats way too much information. i hope none of this happen to me anymore.
I don’t see why people can laugh about it. Holding hands, touching others’ cheek, stroking their hair is an absolute no-no in the corporate world! It is NOT polite, and definitely unprofessional. In my opinion, I think it’s best to think it over twice about accepting the job offer. If they’re already doing these stuff to people who have not worked with them, I wonder what is happening to those who are already working there?
Be strong. It is perfectly alright to feel uncomfortable. After all, your personal space is intruded on. And I still don’t see why people are laughing this matter off.
Um? Why is no one taking this seriously? I felt myself seething reading this post.
=\ ignore everyone. that was totally out of line, unacceptable and no one should ever have to feel that way for another person’s actions. you’re an mhc-er!
i actually know how you feel…ugh. one consolation is that you’re a toughie. don’t let this bring your spirits down!
please don’t take this job…your personal safety is more important than anything else~ you still have lots of other opportunities. cheer up! and there is no need to be ashamed!!!! u did nothing wrong.
I’m sorry to hear that. How I wish he could be arrested for that coz maybe you won’t be his last victim.. I hate it when old men do that! When you’re just trying to be civil… But what can women do but to keep quiet.
WTF!! I think he should be arrested too..
I am glad you did share it with your family and friends. Although it’s abit awkward, but it’s better than keeping it to yourself. =)
Don’t put up with it, do something, it is your right to fight if you are being taken advantage of.
:-).
eh i got damn pissed reading this s la i seriously don’t know wtf goes in the brain of such idiots! what kinda professionalism is this! NO ONE for that matter has the rights to violate someone like that and get away with it!
i always thought that i’d be the last person to be molested and if it happened to me i’d punch the person silly but it happened to me last year but i was too shocked to react. and i felt so violated and angry after it happened because i coudn’t do anything because they were indian tourists.
but i think you should really speak up because in no way you should think that you “asked for it” like so many other victims do. i’m pretty sure you’re not the first, and if this goes on unreported, i’m quite sure you won’t be the last cos this idiots think they can get away with it because ppl are too scared to press charges against them just because they’re “somebody”.
ewww i would seriously punch him or screamed at him. who the hell is he to stroke my hair and etc.!
stupid perv! u shud do somethinggg. and dont work there!!
oh dear! But you should at least write a letter to that Uni! And erm, the next time someone does that to you..I don’t think you should follow him up. So dangerous!
Don’t feel too bad about it! Its not your fault at all. Talking to friends will definately help! =)
Wouldn’t putting the name of this private university on your blog a good way to get their attention?
audrey i cannot tahan u! why would you say u feel ashamed of yourself when he in fact was harresing you? yes u must be afraid of him when u sensed that smth was wrong with him. and i really salute you that you can continue with the interview. YOU SHOULD LEAVE IMMEDIATELY ONCE YOU SENSE SMTH WRONG! I am super sensitive with this kind of ppl. Btw, you should put up his name and institution so that he get whacked up by ppl. be strong!
WTF DAMN ANGRY IMMA GO PUNCH THE FELLA’S HEAD honestly screw that job la you have much more better offers WTF DAMN ANGRY
Hey, I think I know which university it is.
I’m sorry you have to go through that..
Be brave and be strong.
Take care.
Please contact the HR department to report the situation. They will do the proper investigation. Do not take it as it’s a minor thing. Obviously you feel uncomfortable and sound upset. No should hug(or try to kiss) anyone after the interview. It’s unprofessional. I can feel this motherfucker took advantage of your young age & inexperience. Show him that he is wrong and he shall regret for what he did to you. If this happened to me, the moment he hold my hands, I will say, Mr.X, holding my hands is inappropriate.
What a jerk. Bring them down. I hate ppl in power who manipulate students. In the process, can you bring down Jay Pee Ay as well? 😀
WTF
WHY LIKE THAT fucking stupid la sexual harrassment is not taken seriously in this country! so goddamn unprofessional and just.. unethical. and… wrong and EVERYTHING why the uni like this!
i love u =(((
Glad all of your frens are behind you…the last time, an indian man was behind me when i was a boy. Be angry/indignant but be calm in your actions
*hugs audrey again*
WHY SOME PEOPLE HAVE THE NERVE TO SAY IT’S NOTHING AND LAUGH IT OFF! *angry rawr* this is the exact kind of attitude that causes so many abused women to shy away from reporting because the men will either say it’s nothing or worse, claim the women provoked the unwelcome attention HELLO WHAT IS THIS!
lifetime vendetta, aud….. i totally feel you. haha summore i’m an alumni of that place.. and yes, it’s one of the worst in Malaysia. unfortunately.
blackwidow: trust me…. the HR department is crap as well and they will not do anything. the sad fact is that the university is pretty much rotten from top to bottom, especially the corporate side. there are good apples, yes, but far and few in between.
O dear *BIG HUG*… SHAME ON THAT BASTARD… Babe, i know how you feel but no worries. Things will be fine soon and you did NOTHING wrong to be ashame of… I think when its quiter at night and you will just start to think about that incident again and feel so disgusted with it but THAT BASTARD wouldn’t feel a pitch at all even if you are upset by this issue. I do hope you will cheer up soon okies. *BIG HUG* again..
hello,i usually leave comments in your blog to discuss hair (yeah wtf)
but this time i’m leaving a comment to tell you to trust your instincts! a professional man in an interview should never be bff-sort of friendly! he’s up to something fishy 🙁
pull yourself together, forget about the pervert and try out for other interviews. Don’t give up! if one university thinks you have what it takes, others will too! (: all the best
omg siao u should have slap punch him but then again cannot right..cuz this world is so like that ugh. take care…
sorryfordoubleposting. i actually went and google msia’s worst private university =.=
hi i’m a first poster =)
i agree with everyone who tell you not to take the job. it’s too risky and you’d never do what that smelly man might do next if he is capable of touching your face so easily.
i met with an incident like that too (but not as bad as yours) where this psycho on the train kept leaning against me and touching my bare thigh (i was wearing mid length shorts) and yet nobody on the train said anything even though the train was not crowded and it was very obvious that he was weird and was hassling me ;_;
in any case you’re smart and beautiful and don’t let something like this get to you! you’ll find a better job!
*you’d never KNOW i mean. goddamn spelling errors /embarrassed
OMG !! =(
i hope you’re feeling better now 🙁 that old man should go and jump off the building or burn himself to ashes !!
don’t let this get you down !
Hi Audrey,
I am Sofia (Tze Ching’s friend?) and I just want to say I truly empathise with your situation and I think you should write a nasty letter to HR (although Tze thinks they won’t give a rats ass) and threaten legal action. However, sexual harassment isn’t taken as seriously in KL as it should be and there’ll definitely be fuckers out there who’ll try to shift the blame on to you (which I think you should retaliate with a kick to their loins wtf) – so I hope you know what you’re gonna get yourself into if you decide to take this matter any further.. there really are some sick people in the world.
Hey Aud,
Talk to your parents and seek appropriate advices from people from all aspects. I agree with Blackwidow of writing a formal letter stating clearly what happened and perhaps report it to somebody who can do something.
Do not take the job up because you being briliant, I am sure you will get something somewhere better.
When I was 9, I received a call of harassment and my mom wrote it on the press to warn other families. Thank you for your warning. I am sure this has helped everyone!
Take care ya!
Hello,
I’ve had the same experience with my lecturer. Only difference is that he was polite enough to ask if he could kiss me on my lips! And to make matters worse, I met his wife at a Christmas party two months before the incident and his children are my age!!
I felt bad after it happened and part of me blamed myself although I know I had not done anything wrong but I just couldn’t help it.
I was angry at first because like you, I thought it was fucking ridiculous if he expects me to shut up and put up with it so
I went to lodge an informal report at the Student Services but I requested to stay anonymous as I was due to graduate three months after and I still had my dissertation to hand in.
I felt really geli and disgusted and only told two of my best friends about it as I was too ashamed to tell it to anyone else. I did not even tell my parents or any of my siblings.
You can be angry and upset, but don’t let it get you down. What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger.
Thanks Carol, for letting me know that the HR is full of shit too. Well, Msia didn’t change much after I left for 12 years? OK, Audrey, Plan B, if you want to stand up and fight which I think you should and all the women out there who had similar situation that happened to them will support you and thank you be the first who stand up. You can make a big change.
Make a police report first, get a lawyer on board and have an official letter send to the University and let’s go from there. I’m sure their legal department will get panic. Nothing to be ashame of, be tough. I knew so many women who live in Msia that had their right violated but won’t said anything because they were ashamed and those men just take advantage of that intimidation.
Not to sound like I was so cool and tough(well, I’m tough!), I was touched inappropriately on the street by a young man and I hit him at his head with a canned food. He looked at me in total shocked and I yelled at him, you touched me without permission and I can hit you without permission. I’m going to get my friends and beat the crap out of you! He ran! This was just one incident. I have a few and I wasn’t afraid to tell people and took action. I urge all female readers of yours out there, do not be afraid to speak out. It’s about time we make a change.
That bastard just degraded all the males in the whole wide world. I would like to say I’m terribly sorry to you as a man.
Audrey & all female readers, sorry to take this space here and make a long comment, but the more I read other comments, the more I feel I need to be a big sister here(I’m experience-old lah). Like I said before, I had many incidents where I spoke out and took action. Many of my female friends said, aren’t you afraid and may be you’ll get kill or hurt? My answer is I’ll die with pride and honor knowing that I did try to protect and stand for myself.
I live in USA and only go home to visit once a year. I want to share with you girls next time I go home. I can give you girls a basic self defense seminar that will help you feel confident, strong and boost your self esteem.
I am confident to say I’m qualified to give you a seminar because I have the background and experienced. I have been training in martial arts and combat sports for over 10 years. When I was still training in a dojo, I assisted my sensai for advanced classes, kids classes(headache!) and I taught beginning classes. We organized women self defense seminars twice a year tailored to those without experience in any kind of sports or martial arts. I am a blackbelt in Kyokushin Karate. Later I moved on to combat sports(boxing and muay thai) because I want to challenge myself and to do amateur boxing. I also started to teach women self defense classes with my friend who is a great female Jujitsu expert. I’m a stand up fighter and she’s a ground fighter. Combining our skills just perfect. But many women who came to our classes expected to learn everything in one hour and normally do not return because we did teach very good technical skills that required oneself to be consistent. Why we made it technical? Both of us think self defense skills required repetitive, consistent training to make your brain react to something automatically without thinking, we called that muscle memory. But for many of them, it was too much to handle. However, there were still many that came every weeks because they determined to learn and they want to be strong inside and outside. There was a female, totally overweight but she can kick and ground fighting so well because she has the right technique. After about half year of teaching, due to some circumstance that we can’t help it but to stop the classes. I miss teaching women self defense. My brother did gave me an idea that every time I go home I should give a seminar and make some money. But that is not why I want to teach, I want to teach because I want other women to feel strong.
I am going to make this happened next time I go home, which will be next year, not sure the month yet. It’s going to be free, I won’t charge you a cent. We may have to just rent a place to do the seminar and we all chipped in for the cost.
Audrey, since I make the comment here, would you be interested to help me make this happened? Or anyone of Audrey’s reader who like to be involved and we’ll coordinate , organize a fun and meaningful event together.
Sincerely,
Blackwidow
OMG AUD – how can people laugh it off? do they know how serious this is? it’s sexual harassment ok! 0________0
or maybe they think it’s ok for individuals in a position of power to abuse subordinates/ potential subordinates, i.e. interviewees? how can they brush it off? what the hell is going through their minds? otak puki sounds about right w.t.f.
horrible enough you had your personal space invaded the hell out of, and were molested (yes, molested, just because he was in a suit and was coming across all ceo-ish and “over-friendly” doesn’t make it ok) – you had the double whammy of being told it was ‘nothing’. or being told to ‘forget it’ and to ‘not rock the boat’.
i am so mad right now i am just about to have a stroke! firstly that there are disgusting men like this around, and secondly that there are people who silently condone the actions of these men by denigrating the victims.
i agree with what some of the readers suggest: write a letter to HR (whether it’s taken any notice of or not is another matter, but it’s due process i think) and then threaten legal action.
i think i know which college that was. and i shudder to think that you were alone with that depraved and sorry excuse of a human being, especially after i heard what he had done to some of his (overseas) students in the past.
and remember Aud: IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT.
you feel dirty and ashamed because you were victimised, but remember who it was whose inappropriate actions caused you to feel this way?
having been molested myself (and may curses rain on the perverts who cruise msia’s public tranport system preying on schoolgirls), i know how it can get. i blamed myself for not stopping the asshole, i blamed myself for being too visible in a school uniform (wtf this doesn’t make sense to me now).
so don’t you dare blame yourself. you went there for an interview, not to be molested/ sexually harassed.
audrey, i’m really sorry to hear of what you went through… i’m so mad right now!!! i have an idea of who that director-asshat is, and i’d like to shove an elephant’s foot or two up his ass. he has NO right to behave that way to you, or anyone for that matter. it’s so insulting, demeaning and disrespectful.
the corporate dept (which i think u applied to) is notorious with shit like these. high pay, but with very dodgy activities. i wish i could had warn you abt them earlier. and in all honesty, there’s not many chances and opportunities here… all the publicity does not live up srsly.
it’s sickening how people feel helpless abt reporting them; HR won’t do anything. the big boss does this indignity to other girls himself… it’s disgusting. the uni is VERY close to the ruling government, who allows this to happen (eg, unwilling to bring down the ‘pioneer’ of international malaysian education)
if you’d like, maybe you could bring it up to the opposition MP? i’m still trying to think of other ways.
meanwhile, we could collectively wish ED for the rest of his lifetime, or 7 generations of bad luck wtf
i really hope you’re feeling crappy-less now -hugs-
Bloody !$#%$#!^%$!&@%!&@%!*@%
Just let me know if you feel like torturing that guy, i’ll break his #!$@#^%@ arms and make him cry so bad, he’s gonna stop doing what he did for the rest of his life. Seriously, please consider…
i’ll pop him in the fuking nuts!
i totally agree that you should take legal actions on this matter.
the perv might have thought that it’s okay to take advantage on you since you’re petite, sweet, cute and all that.
i’m sure a lotta petite ladies would agree, that this sickenin stereotype really does exist in Malaysia.
i had similar experience, and i had learned not to let em get away easily. well i didn’t deserve it, and neither did you; so you can’t let him get away with this as well.
i admire your courage to have blogged about this, many sexual harassment victims out there chose to just keep it to themselves – which is not right.
you’ve done the right thing now, and you will do whateva you can to nail this perv down. (=
let’s shove rihanna’s stupid umbrella up his ella haha.
What bad luct you have… I mean, bad LUCK. Sorry typo. The ‘T’ key and the ‘K’ key is very close to my keyboard.
The guy is notorious. Have you seen all the girls working in his office?
You should’ve just announce the university’s name… the identity of that pervert…
This is just totally unacceptable, who he thinks he is?
Hello aud I am lazy to write it in a new original way but like many (most? all?) of the other comments I agree that this IS something to be upset about and oh if you want a lawyer my father is one *big shiny eyes
OTAK PUKI BABI SIAL BABI HUTAN CIB DAN TEK MAK ENGKAU (wtf dont dare to type full later ppl scold me wtf)
anyway aud im too late but i hope you feel better now!
kenny: omg u so smart!!!!
SHIT LA I GET GREY AGAIN SIGH
and i get pink wtf irrelevant.
this sounds like i’m echoing other more rational comments, but i think you should lodge a police report? not sure if that would be of any help considering the state of our police… but that’s one way to bring down that corporation alright – starting with that man.
dear audrey, i feel really sorry. no, its not ur fault at all!!!!!!! dont keep it for urself … its good thing that u told ur mom … tell ur family is one way of recovery … anybody who thinks this matter is nothing then they r the same with the perveted old man … this is a big matter.
cheer up dear … go forward again n do what u want to do
hey aud, i feel bad for what had happened to you 🙁 screw that fella.