Inspired by Fatty‘s popular Things Shorty and Fatty Say series, here’s a special edition: Things Ah Ma says.

Since my parents are not around, Fatty and I took my grandma out tonight out for Christmas dinner.

So she sat across from us at the table.

Ah Ma: Why no customers one this restaurant?

Me: What do you mean?  Every table is taken.

I turn behind to look at where she was facing.

————

After dinner Fatty stopped by at a watch shop to check out a watch he liked.

Ah Ma: Wah all the watches’ faces so big!

Me: Ya lah it’s the trend nowadays.  Even mine is big, look at it!

Ah Ma: Ooooh.  It’s good to have big watches I suppose, good to look at (she says this in Hokkien so she says the word good-looking)

Me: Ya they do look ni–

Ah Ma: Don’t need to look so hard can easily see the time.

————

I wander over to Fatty to look at the watch he’s inspecting and go back to where my grandma is sitting.

Me: Wah guess how much the watch costs?  RM11,000.  So expensive.

Ah Ma (incredulous): WHAT? RM11,000? GOT DIAMONDS AH?

Me: No, don’t have.

Ah Ma: Siao!

1 minute later

Ah Ma (looking at the girl talking to Fatty who’s got a crewcut and dressed in a coat and slacks): You think this person is a boy or a girl?

Me: Girl.

Ah Ma: No it’s a boy.

Me: No she’s a girl Ah Ma. See how small-sized she is?

Ah Ma: Your dad is small-sized too, nobody mistakes him for a girl.

—————-

While waiting for the elevator.  The elevator takes some time to arrive so we end up waiting for a while.

Ah Ma: You know if there’s not many people waiting, the elevator won’t come.

Me (wondering what she’s talking about): Really?

Ah Ma: Of course la! You think the elevator is going to come just for you ah?