Yesterday I reached peak auntie-dom.

(I tried for five minutes to think how to describe what a Malaysian/Singaporean “auntie” is to people who aren’t from here and couldn’t wtf.  The best way to describe an “auntie” is I guess a slightly older woman, but age matters less than the behavior wtf.  An auntie is usually good at life hacks, especially related to household or budget related matters.  They are especially good at finding shopping deals, maximizing discounts, manuevering their way around supermarkets, cutting lines, and prone to scolding and nagging wtf.)

So as I grow older, I notice myself picking up some auntie tricks here and there (except cut lines omg I would never do that).  And yesterday I must have peaked because I “out-auntied” a 60 year old auntie.

I was waiting in my car at Fighter’s school with a couple of my friends and our kids for Fighter to finish school to pick him up.  Suddenly, as is usual with my stomach, cramps kicked in and I realized I really needed to go.

My friend Michelle told me there was a toilet next to the school guardhouse that I could use.  I hurried over to the friendly guard who told me I was welcome to use the toilet.  There was someone inside the bathroom so I waited until a man in a blue shirt exited the toilet, and I rushed in.

I hadn’t been in there for long when I heard a lady’s voice holler, “HELLO!”

Enter Transporter Auntie.

Now Transporter Auntie is one of the supporting cast in the daily ongoings of our Big Little Liars-esque lives lolol.  You know the school drop offs and pickups, the friendships with other moms, the play dates…. minus the domestic abuse la hahaha.

So our usual routine is to go to school early and park and wait, cos parking is really tight there.  We park in a little lot and Transporter Auntie goes there as well.  She’s known for shouting at people especially drivers wtf and for claiming a certain spot under a tree is hers cos “she always parks there”. Hello Auntie, you pay for the space meh? Got your name there meh? Anyway, I digress.

I didn’t reply because she didn’t knock on the door so I didn’t know who she was shouting at.

She hollered again, “HELLO! WHO IS INSIDE?”

WTF.  I replied calmly that I’m using the toilet.

“WHY SO LONG ONE!?”

Can you believe she started shouting at me from then, forcing me to answer to defend my dignity wtf.

She asked what I was doing inside WTF.  What else! Eating lunch meh.  I didn’t reply cos it was none of her business???

Then I heard her telling people outside, “She’s doing big business. Big business” WTF seriously I don’t know whether wanna laugh or cry wtf.

I could hear a man reply, “what to do, people gotta use, they gotta use la.”

I was so indignant that she went around telling people I’m pooping that I shouted back (while I was still on the toilet bowl ok), “Auntie! What I’m doing is my business but if I’m not out means I’m not done la!”

I then overheard her telling someone that I cut her line WTF.  That she was queuing up when someone talked to her so she went over, and then I entered and cut her.  Dude, it’s not cutting a line when you’re not even lining up for god’s sake.  I was so offended that she was falsely accusing me I yelled back that I didn’t cut her line and she wasn’t even there when I was.

She continued shouting at me!  She shouted that there’s a long line of people waiting, the bell is going to ring any minute now and the toilet is not only mine to use.  I shouted back that if she kept going, I’m going to stay inside longer WTF.  I was burning up then, I was so mad.  She shouted, ok good then you’ll be late to pick up you kids (wtf damn childish) and I shouted back equally childishly, so what if I’m late at least it’s not my job, unlike her wtf.

I furiously scrubbed my hands at the sink and yanked open the door.  Outside I saw a short line of people with the auntie at the front.  She turned when she saw me and said triumphantly, “There, there.  Come out already.” OMG the nerve.

I marched up to her, jabbed a finger in her direction and yelled, “Auntie, you are the rudest old woman I have ever met!  What’s wrong with you?  Why do you need to keep shouting at me when I’m in the toilet!? What do you think I’m doing inside? Sleeping?  Obviously I will come out when I’m done la!”

I must have been really angry because an older man, third in line, threw his hands up, and said, “Sorry sorry.”  Hahahahahaha.  I said, “I’m not talking to you, uncle! I’m talking to that rude auntie!”  I think maybe he was the man who replied her but he didn’t really say anything terrible.

I stormed off to my car to get Penny and told Sieu Ee and Michelle what happened.  School was out by then so we took the girls and walked back towards the school gate.  I passed the auntie again, now talking to another mother and I was still raging.  I went up to her again and repeated angrily, “Auntie, I’ll say it again.  You are really the rudest old lady ever.  I don’t know what’s wrong with you.”

Something changed though, and she turned to me with her hands up and said “Sorry sorry, it’s just that my urine was coming out’ WTF dude.  I was slightly mollified so I said “Please don’t ever do this to anyone else again.”

After I picked Fighter up at the gate, I had to pass her again.  This time she came up to me and put her arm around my shoulder and said, “Young mommy, don’t be angry okay. Auntie didn’t mean it.”  By then I had completely calmed down and was feeling slightly bad about scolding her the second time so I said okay okay.  And in the few days since then, we’ve been friendly saying hello to each other hahaha.

I don’t know why she changed so quickly from antagonistic and rude to apologetic and friendly.  Maybe she realized she was wrong.  Maybe nobody had ever spoken to her that way before and it got through to her.  For someone who used to scold other parents and drivers for even the smallest things, it was a huge improvement.

But that was the story of how I’m so auntie, I “out-auntied” a more senior, experienced auntie lolol.

I wrote this post because this week I turned 35.  Some of you have been reading this blog since I was… 19 and that’s insane.  That’s 16 years ago and nearly half of my life!

Age is catching up.  So many things I used to take for granted in my youth I noticed the differences today.

A month ago, I found my first silver hair (!!!)

My thinning hair problem was probably caused by age as well.

I have sun spots (small but they’re there).

I have crow’s feet at the corner of my eyes when I laugh.

Double eye bags appear under my left eye when I smile.

My ankle sometimes pops when I turn it a certain way.

I’m still quite thin but my arms have lost the certain gangly, coltish look that accompanies teenage limbs.

My cheekbones are sharper and my face slightly more angular.  My cheeks are less round.

I had migraines (but not anymore since I’ve been going to a chiro)

I now visit a chiropractor regularly wtf.

I have occasional pains and aches – wrist pain, neck pain, dunno what pain.  Some of it is due to my bad habits no doubt, but mostly due to age.

McDonald’s is still comfort food to me, but I don’t love it the way I did 15 years ago.

I have newfound appreciation for vegetables even more than lot of other foods now.

I read way more non fiction now, because I do like learning new different things.

I used to sleep till 12 pm every chance I got.  Now I prefer waking up early so I have more time for stuff.

I am more confident of my opinions and my values.

I am better at asserting myself.  See scolding Transporter Auntie incident wtf.

I have a clearer sense of myself.  What I’m good at, what I like, what looks good on me.  (and I have more $$$ to buy the things I like hahaha.)

All these little physical, mental and emotional changes add up to make 35 year old me today.  I may have aches and fine lines, but I am also the fittest I’ve ever been in my life.  I who never exercised finally gave in after too many naggings from my gynae (cos I will apparently be at risk of heart disease due to my preeclampsia) and I realized I like it.  I am taking care of myself much more than I ever did in my 20s, partly because I know I don’t have youth to fall back on anymore, but it’s so worth fixing whatever physical ailments I have.

I am older now, but I’m still pretty young and healthy.  I have no major health issues or chronic diseases.  Maybe how I feel will change as I age even more and start getting weaker but I have to say, I like being 35.  I used to be so scared of getting old because I’m very vain wtf.  But I’ve hit what I used to think of as “old” and I don’t feel half bad. 🙂  What I may have lost in sheer youth I make up in joyous experiences, new knowledge, self assurance, and even some wisdom. It also helps that I don’t look my age I guess LOL.

Bring it on, time!