AudAngry AudSlave


You know when you were younger, you had those things you called “autograph” books which you passed around your classroom?  Your friends would painstakingly draw and write in their personal biodatas and their thoughts about everyone in class with magic markers wtf.

Obviously when my classmates wrote notes about me, nobody said I was cute at that age WTF.  But the words they all used were either “nice” or “kind”.  One of my close friends in high school even told me that I was the kindest person she knew.

I don’t think I was all that kind la to be honest wtf.  But I was nice.  I tried to make every kid who was left out feel included.  I offered help if someone was in trouble.  Although to clarify, I don’t know if I was nice because I was, or because I wanted to be liked.

Anyway somewhere along the way, I think I lost that niceness.  Going out of my way to be nice to people suddenly seemed to cost too much.  It seemed to take too much energy and time. Maybe it was because I entered adulthood.  It’s not a  good reason but my time got sapped away. And I realized the most important person in my world was me.  And the people that mattered of course.

So maybe I became a little meaner with who I spent my time and energy on.  And I lost my patience.  I lost my tolerance for many things… and many kinds of people.

If someone asks me a stupid question, I lose my patience.

If someone keeps telling me the same thing, I lose my patience.

If someone refuses to see reason, I lose my patience (bear in mind reason can be entirely subjective wtf)

If someone feels excessive pity for themselves, I lose my patience.

I don’t rage like Rage Guy wtf but I get extremely irritated and sometimes I end up doing something I wish I didn’t.  Like rant to the person next to me or snap and get  harsh on the other person.

And I don’t wanna be like that T_____T I don’t wanna be some mean old wench who’s forever grumpy and unreasonable because someone isn’t listening to her T_____T  Because who knows I could be the one in the wrong.

And I don’t wanna be so ugly T______________T

Also, I will be having someone under me soon at work to train and *ahem* mentor so I cannot go on like this! Not fair to the poor person if they don’t understand things (being new) and I go batshit on them.

Haih.  Dude above, give me the strength to be patient.

  • Charlene

    When you feel like you are about to lose it, just think back when you first started, blur as a sotong, then you won’t be so frustrated anymore. Instant cure! 😉

  • grace

    i jz lost my patience today and flamed T_____T

  • Stephanie

    i went through that *no-patience* period…the only solution is breathing deeply when you are about to lose patience..and later do some exersice or any other activity that releases that adrenaline rush..

  • Huai Bin

    Hmm…it’s not an attribute I have an excess of too.

    I have a little trick though – when I feel like I’m about to go apeshit, I visualize myself having a stroke and becoming totally paralyzed, aware but unable to move. >.<

    …and I stop.

    Dunno if it’s going to work for you but it works for me…most times. 😉

  • KY

    zen is the key, zen!

  • annna

    LOLWTEFF @ HB’s comment. Now, I have this thought in my head everytime I’m about to lose it.

    I will machine gun straight to the fella’s face when I really cannot tahan edi – ie especially the stupid questions & other etc etc. I think it’s a test of endurance and patience from the dude above. just try to stay calm and keep it in until u find a perfect spot to release it… go get an ice cream or something. it works for me. 😛

  • ShaolinTiger

    Patience is the hardest thing. I have a distinct lack of it too.

  • Angie

    and ur tone would sound very obvious when u lose patience. u got annoyed at me alot hahahahahhaha

  • fresh

    i know exactly how you feel T____________T

    i no unnerstand why people still say i’m nice 🙁

  • Sarah

    i totally understand what you mean…i was just thinking the same thing to myself the other day and reflected why sometimes i’m just losing more and more of going all out to be nice to people…though nice people still call me as a very nice person i totally feel that growing up and facing the realities of the world is sapping the kindness or niceness out of me bit by bit…i’m worried one day i’m going to turn into a grumpy old grinch hag who scorns the world…lol lol..

    but deep down, if we can reflect and see this now, i don’t think we’ll be that bad after all. patience is hard, reflection is hard too, so at least we got half of the equation. We can get the other half!:D