You know when you were younger, you had those things you called “autograph” books which you passed around your classroom? Your friends would painstakingly draw and write in their personal biodatas and their thoughts about everyone in class with magic markers wtf.
Obviously when my classmates wrote notes about me, nobody said I was cute at that age WTF. But the words they all used were either “nice” or “kind”. One of my close friends in high school even told me that I was the kindest person she knew.
I don’t think I was all that kind la to be honest wtf. But I was nice. I tried to make every kid who was left out feel included. I offered help if someone was in trouble. Although to clarify, I don’t know if I was nice because I was, or because I wanted to be liked.
Anyway somewhere along the way, I think I lost that niceness. Going out of my way to be nice to people suddenly seemed to cost too much. It seemed to take too much energy and time. Maybe it was because I entered adulthood. It’s not a good reason but my time got sapped away. And I realized the most important person in my world was me. And the people that mattered of course.
So maybe I became a little meaner with who I spent my time and energy on. And I lost my patience. I lost my tolerance for many things… and many kinds of people.
If someone asks me a stupid question, I lose my patience.
If someone keeps telling me the same thing, I lose my patience.
If someone refuses to see reason, I lose my patience (bear in mind reason can be entirely subjective wtf)
If someone feels excessive pity for themselves, I lose my patience.
I don’t rage like Rage Guy wtf but I get extremely irritated and sometimes I end up doing something I wish I didn’t. Like rant to the person next to me or snap and get harsh on the other person.
And I don’t wanna be like that T_____T I don’t wanna be some mean old wench who’s forever grumpy and unreasonable because someone isn’t listening to her T_____T Because who knows I could be the one in the wrong.
And I don’t wanna be so ugly T______________T
Also, I will be having someone under me soon at work to train and *ahem* mentor so I cannot go on like this! Not fair to the poor person if they don’t understand things (being new) and I go batshit on them.
Haih. Dude above, give me the strength to be patient.