Since tonight I am so free, all alone at home, while Happening Roommate frolicks outside happily with Guy Madly In Love With Her, I shall blog a lot.
It is a day early, but who cares.
Happy 18th Birthday to Brother Ooi!
Have a great day, you booger. And be thankful that your parents remembered your birthday because mine did not. *rubs it in*
::This is my wallpaper now because I miss them so much (even though none of them remembered my birthday on time)::
Today, a friend of ours promised to take us shopping at an outlet mall, much to me and Angela’s orgasmic delight. Do you know how many brands that mall had? Like 500, I swear! And all at factory outlet prices! This was so orgasmic, we even woke up early on a Saturday just for it.
But then! Disaster struck!
When I was getting into said friend’s car, I couldn’t close the car door after me. So I pulled with all my strength (which really is quite a lot and you’ll see why soon) and the car door slammed shut with an almighty thunk.
(And also a rattle).
Yup, I broke his car window.
Wait wait, not the glass la, duh. You think I’m that powerful ar? But I slammed the door closed hard enough that the car window rosak after that and couldn’t wind up. So like that how to go?
We hadn’t even left school grounds and already I had spoiled something!
The car window was all the way down and it wouldn’t come up. How to just leave it there with an open window while we went shopping? What if get stolen?
We had to postpone the trip for some other day. Angela hated me for some time after that.
I’m sure my friend hated me quite a bit too, because when he dropped us back at our building I pulled the latch to open the door and THE WHOLE FREAKING THING CAME OFF IN MY HAND.
I should just walk everywhere from now on.
So to cheer Angela and myself up, I came up with this idea that since we had this whole free afternoon ahead of us, we should go ahead and entertain ourselves by dressing up as Ganguro.
Step 1: Buy bronzing powder and swish it all over your face. A lot of it. The more the better.
Step 2: Color your brows some jeng shade brow pencil like blond or freaking light brown. If you have brow mascara, all the better.
Step 3: Color your entire eye area white (light blue works too)
Step 3: Conteng black eyeliner around your eyes.
Step 4: Wear lots of bright clashing scanty clothes
*Effect works a lot better if you already have kam mou before this.
So from these normal, boring-looking things, we became…
HAHAHAHAH.
Even this scares me a little.
God, these are horrendous. Why am I subjecting myself to this for entertainment?
Okay you can all go destroy something now.
I AM YELLOW.I SWEAR TO GOD MY SKIN IS YELLOW.
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!!!!
Angela the bitch can’t stop laughing at me. She tries to press her lips close to stop from laughing but she spits at me through her tightly shut lips anyway.
Justin suggested standing on my head so I did. With Angela holding up my legs.
My face turned fucking purple.
You can all line up and shoot me when I’m done, but listen to this first.
This time last year I was whining about how I’m getting fatter and fatter until everybody wanted to stone me to death then mutilate my genitals, while screaming that if I’m fat then they’re blue whales.
I take it all back. Now that I’m off those pesky birth control pills and on the traditional Chinese pills, I’m losing every single bit of weight I gained.
I used to be 39 kg but now I’m down to 35! All this while eating two plates of food for every meal, taking naps right after dinner and munching on Kitkats and Pringles right before bedtime.
::Here I am eating at Elise’s and Yennie’s birthday dinner::
::Here I am still eating, while everyone tries to take a picture::
::Me pining for my food, while everyone else is already eating::
I am fucking suay cos whichever restaurant I go with this gang of people, and whatever I order, it will definitely come last. And then I have to sit there salivating while everyone gobbles down their food. Maybe this is why I’m getting thinner. Fucking conspiracy.
::Yen taking pity on me and passing me her leftover Katsudon::
How ar how ar? Do I really have to resort to Supersize Me techniques to gain weight?
Got so many diets online to lose weight but none to gain weight. Teach me la people!
The worst thing is, my cleavage also looks like it’s disappearing! How can?! If this goes on, I swear I’m heading to the plastic surgeon’s already.
If reading that article about the drug raid recently that the innocent people were locked up and money taken from them is not enough, I had to listen to this story from Chung Jia Min and get all pissed at the Malaysian police force, with no good outlet cos I’m all the fucking way over here in America and nobody gives a rat’s ass here about how corrupt our country is.
So I shall vent in my blog and hope that Badawi, after mourning his wife proper, will stumble upon this entry and stick bazookas up fuckedup policemen’s buttocks.
A bit of background info: Jia Min and Meow Fong were walking along the streets of Hartamas when a motorbike drove by and snatched Meow’s bag. Poor Meow fell down and was dragged on the road by the bike because her arm was still entangled in her bag strap. FUCKERS!!! I HOPE U DIE A NASTY DEATH RAPED UP THE NOSE.
Anyway, both of them, very traumatised, went to go lodge a police report.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
then, another traumatic experience at the police station. wtf.
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
how come?
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
we reported in pj police station..but they said we had to go brickfiels police station u know.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
we went lar. first thing sampai sana rite, got this police man just started screaming at us u know.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
for coming when they goign to buka puasa.
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
WTF
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
like we can choose wat time to kena ragut bag like dat rite! damn kesian!!
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
OMG WRITE TO THE STAR N COMPLAIN PLS
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
WTF IF PPL KENA MURDERED THEN WE HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THEY START PUASA AGAIN THEN ONLY REPORT ISIT???
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
MACAUHAI FUCKING TOO MUCH MAN
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
he just started scolding us damn jibai..then he said, u wait lar..until 9 !
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
wah dat time baru 7 ok
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
WTF OMFG ASK HIM TO EAT SHIT N DIE UGLY LA
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
I FUCKING ANGRY
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
we damn scared..and dunno wat to do..sumor ein brickfields..we dun really know where is dat also..like we simply hentam reach there..now ask us go where rite
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
YALAH..BUT I WAS MORE SCARED
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
ASK HIM TO SHADDUP N FIND SOMEONE TO FUCK HIM IN THE ASS LA WHERE CAN LIDAT WAN DUTY IS STILL DUTY WAT
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
WAS SHAUN WITH U THAT TIME?
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
then, luckily this kind soul policeman took us into his office..to interview us and all dat
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
oh nolah..just me and meow only..
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
then, i guess, no things can be all good.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
we went into th e office, omg..the sleazy talk they gave..i nearly puked.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
cos we were both wearing skirts i think
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
like they spoke to me..and cos u know my malay is kinda fluent..they stopped talking to meow..and asked me to go inside the office for interviewing on why my malay so good wtf.
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
WTF WHAT DO U MEAN??
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
their interview was nonsense ok. im not even the victim.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
they asked me damn mou liu questions..
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
and said things like:
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
awak sangat cantik lah.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
ada pak we?
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
i said got. then he went eeesh..miss.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
then like he kept telling me awak sangat cantiklah.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
then i feel like i was a doll on display or worse, prostitute..for them to scrutinise.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
then they keep saying that kinda things lah.
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
OMFGGGGGGGGG
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
then like..suddenly this man said, give me ur bf’s name. i go check on him.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
and all the while, meow had to frigging type her own police report.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
like can u comfort the victim instead of kacauing me?
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
and worse still, he like say things like wah mata awak cantik and all dat shit.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
u know, if ppl say it once, its a compliment, but if they repeat it about ten million times, it makes u uncomfortable
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
i just sat there..feeling small, helpless..and wishing it would be over
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
then, so malang like dat..leave the police station also sesat. cos its brickfieds and we dunno how to get back to the federal highway
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
WTF SHE HAD TO FREAKING TYPE HER OWN REPORT SOMORE???
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
YAH!!
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
AND WHY MUST CHECK ON UR BF?????
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
COS THE POLICEMAN SAID HE VERY OLD..VERY SUSAH TO TYPE..ASKED HER IF SHE CAN.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
U THINK SHE DARE SAY NO?
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
cos i dunno of cos i din give any names lar.
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
like checck on my bf..to see if i really have one..or to see if my bf is ‘orang baik’ anot?i also dunno
:+: 僆乕僪儕乕 :+: audaud :+: the pinku bara -proud best friend also wtf- says:
SIAO WAN AR
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
DATS WHY I SO TRAUMATISED..
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
LIKE SECOND ROUND OF TRAUMA..
devilmin-lost in my own map wtf. says:
FIRST KENA SCREAM AT, THEN NOW, LIKE OVERLY NICE..WAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ?
Yes, boys and girls, what was she supposed to do? Mesra, Cepat dan Betul my ass la! Well if you interpret this another way it sure is Mesra and Cepat. Wtf. Some more this is in fucking Ramadan ok! And still act like this? Eh eh can write in to Star from overseas ar? If nobody does it, I will.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA.
I am the happiest person on Earth. Possibly even happier than the people directly involved.
I was rudely awakened this morning by a call from Darren Tan telling me to check my email because there was good news in it.
I asked in my manly voice what good news could there possibly be, thinking that the only good news I want to hear is that he got his US visa already.
But it is possibly just as good, if not better.
CHUNG JIA MIN AND SHAUN CHONG CONGRATULATIONS GAO GAO!!!
Here’s to eating lots of ice-cream after dinner and stoning.
Here’s to making U-turns and coming back.
Here’s to not taking a shower yet and going down to see what he wants.
Here’s to getting rid of that scary 40 year-old virgin fate.
Here’s to both of them for wanting to find happiness in each other (wtf emo betul nih)
And shut up about your what-ifs ok.
Most of all, here’s to ME for intro-ing them MUAHAHAHHAHA.
Oh, and Darren too of course. XD
::Shaun is doing a peace sign for victory::
Ahh this is cuter (and closer). And incidentally, also my MSN display pic for the moment.
HAHAHAHAH congrats to the happy couple.
And since one is my Best Friend Forever and the other is my Best Friend Forever Forever, I’ll kill whoever makes the other unhappy.
<333333
It’s not fun when you go out dancing and a short guy with oily hair tries to chat you up.
It’s even more not fun when the guy has buck teeth.
And when the same guy is actually shorter than you even though you happen to be wearing sneakers. Let me repeat, I am fourfeetnine and the guy is still shorter than me.
And when that guy tries to introduces himself to you TWICE, asks you to dance once, then hollers after you asking what’s the matter? did he scare you? as you literally run from the dance floor.
Yalah yalah thanks everybody for laughing and not helping when 4 feet tall scary guy appears to haunt me again and again.
Ok I know the bandwidth has been exceeded etc. So see the pics later.
I’m back from an invigorating jog up and down 5 flights of stairs.Yes, bladdy shit, the fire alarm went off again.
Buffoons! Imbeciles!
You dahlah know the fire alarm at Ham (where I stay la) is freaking sensitive that even if you breathe on it it will go off!!!
What on earth possessed you to use the toaster/microwave to cook at 2 o’ clock in the morning? Hunger, you say? Hungry a bit can die wan ar? (Actually yes, but that’s besides the point). I’m also hungry what! And you don’t see me setting off fire alarms at 2am.
So off we went, stumbling down the stairs to go outside in the cold to wait for it to be safe again to reenter the blazing building.
Actually me and Angela were in a pretty good mood cos our sleep hadn’t been interrupted by ringing bells. It figures that at 2am we would be the only ones wide awake, and be the only two sleepy grumpy faces in the crowd when the alarm happens to go off at 12pm.
There was an unluckier sap who happened to be in the shower when the alarm rang. She had to stand outside wearing a towel wrapped around her body and another wrapped around her head.
Audrey: “Eh look at that one, even more poor thing, halfway bathing have to come out and socialise.”
Angela: “Haha eh she’s my best friend!” (points to towel wrapped turban-like around her head)
(Let me explain that Angela likes to tie her towel around her head after washing her hair and she looks exactly like she’s wearing a tudung, no offense to Muslims)
I tried to explain to her that there was a difference between a tudung and a turban that Sikhs wear.
Angela: “Haha yeah I know what you’re talking about…Those people put the thing around their heads and keep a snake in there wan right?”
But she didn’t get it.
One fine night, when we had nothing better to do (work does not count) me and Angela decided that we cannot simply let our cuteness go to waste just like that without immortalising it, especially since we were wearing matching baju.
We would camwhore.
*cue for people to bury my body in sand and pour ants and honey over my head*
So out came Ang’s handy little Vaio webcam.
Okay for those who cannot stand the color pink or my total lack of shame, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Amazingly, we managed to take a total of 241 photos in an hour. Since I have relegated my title of Shopping Queen to some rich bitch out there because my conscience won’t let me keep up, I hereby declare me (and Angie) Camwhore Queens.
::Angela is looking at AUdrey who is looking cockeyed::
::Yeff and Leroy, we know how to use pencils as props too::
::Nyam nyam::
::Our poses are very discreet::
And then! Gadzooks! What is this we find? We have discovered sticker picture formats inside the computer! We can take sticker pictures at home! This is the best night of my life! I have never felt as excited as this since the day I was born!
::FUXXING CUTE RIGHT!!! THIS IS BETTER THAN SEX! wtf. ::
::”Oh Scarlett….”
“Oh Rhett!”::
::Angela’s face is 193843029 times more pan cute than mine so please kick her::
::The sushi one is too corny to miss::
::No need for captions because a picture speaks a thousand words. This function was called Color Pencil btw::
Then we discovered even more orgasm-inducing functions.
::Hi twin::
“”Angela and her newfound friend::
::Me and E.T.::
::We merged our faces. Henceforth, these two shall be known as Audela and Angrey. Audela looks like a hairdresser from Sg Wang with a black eye and Angrey looks like Exboyfriend No. 2. HAHAHAHAHA. ::
::Here we managed to switch hair. But now Angela has most unfortunately developed chest hair as well.::
And now for the best ones of all! When me and Angela first saw this function we tried to use a pillow to cover the screen because it scared the bejesus out of us. But after getting over our fear, we swear this function is god.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
::Bucktoothed Prostitute and Dino the Dinosaur::
::Totem Pole 1 and Totem Pole 2::
::Villain Japanese businessman and Arnold Loh. HAHAHAHAHHA Arnie, if in the slight chance you might be reading this, I’m joking!::
::Obese chipmunk and Ice Cube::
::The Twits::
::Madwomen waiting at the dental office::
::Disney caveman and yet another hamsap bugger. And what happened to my cleavage?!::
Truly, discrimination dominates the world.
Even an innocent looking website is not free from it.
Thanks to my fluctuating weight, I decided to calculate my body mass index to see how underweight I am.
I clicked on THIS site.
This site not only takes into account your height and weight but also your age to see if you’re a suitable size for your age yadda yadda.
So I put in my height and weight and pressed OK. They calculated my BMI as 17 point something. Then they asked me to key in my age.
So I keyed in 20.
A pop-up appeared.
“Height seems too low for Age, so Age was changed.”
WHAT THE FUCK?!
Then I saw that the site had automatically changed my age to 11 years.
This is a sensitive issue ok! People say age 20 means age 20 la! You think I’m blind enough to commit this kind of typo where I mistake 20 for 11 ar?
Angela tried her own statistics and they didn’t change her age! I tell you, this is discrimination. Why don’t you just give me a handicapped parking space and tell the whole world I am entitled to it because I’m a dwarf?
Damn unfair man! Then like that, people taller than 6 feet should go for Ripley’s Believe It or Not as mutant giants right? (Do not take offense, people higher than 6 feet)
Short is cute okay! Nicer to hug! If I fall down also not as painful as you tall buggers… the floor nearer what! Center of gravity also lower so more stable and less chance of even falling.
Some more what else? Short you can push your way to the front of a crowd and nobody will say anything cos you are not blocking their view anyway.
Shorter people live longer anyway. If your height and life length is inversely proportionate, I would outlive everyone I know.
And now, long tops are in. So I can just buy regular length tops and wear it and still be in fashion cos it will be long on me.
HUH!
*runs off to console self by reading ‘Thumbelina’*
I am back! And so is Photobucket thank goodness.
My eyes too painful from seeing the fugly bandwidth exceeded images that I beh tahan and never even bothered to visit my own blog until now when it’s nice and healthy again!
For the past 2 weeks I have been very busy with jetlag, and settling into new room and classes. I have decided that I absolutely hate Art History and the only reason I’m staying in the class if for distribution requirements and the fact that I already bought the books.
I am also taking Ballroom dancing because I plan to dance the waltz with my husband on my wedding day. *hint hint*
Today I spent the whole afternoon in a freaking carpenter’s place because I took a class called Intro to Set and Costume Design so as part of the coursework I have to go help out backstage at performances etc.
So I spent the whole afternoon slathering paint on wooden boxes and learning how to operate electric saws and drills.
Damn difficult leh! Ask me to carry plywood boxes here and there and use a air pressure-powered wood stapler! You think I’m Mr Universe is it can lift things with the tip of my finger or something? It doesn’t help that when you turn on the stapler the pressure is 80 pounds! I AM FREAKING 84 POUNDS AND YOU ASK ME TO CONTROL SOMETHING THAT IS AS STRONG AS ME?
Want to operate the sawing machine also have to stand on tiptoe, lest I cannot see properly and saw off my own fingers.
Excerpt of convo between me and the head of the department.
Aud: (saws a plank of wood brilliantly)
Woman: That’s very good, Audrey. But next time, watch where your saw is going.
I look at the table and realise a chunk of it is missing.
Picture time!
::This is me outside Target with our shopping. Jeannie’s friend was so kind to take us there with his Acura. Unfortunately his two door car was too freaking small until we couldn’t even fit our two drawers in. In the end we put one plastic drawer in the front passenger seat while all 4 of us (Jeannie, Mild, Ang and me squeezed into the backseat with the 2nd plastic drawer. It was so bad until we had to take out the drawers from the cabinet and fit our heads thru the openings just so we could breathe. ::
Then we got back to our room and proceeded to unpack everything and clean up the place.
::This is how we’re supposed to dispose of our cardboard boxes. Break them apart and fold then up. ::
::But this is how our boxes look like. =.= Too lazy to break them up bit by bit so we just stepped on them::
::What’s with me with shopping carts?::
::Ta-dah! Our room 😀 ::
::My bed::
::My closet::
::Our bookshelf::
::Dressing table::
::Me pretending to work::
::Hot air balloon! I also want to sit!::
::Why am I so poser?::
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