And again, I have made a blundering idiot of myself, this time with the assistance and participation of Angela Luo.
I think this one of the most disrespectful things I have ever done.
We are taking a class called Zen and Japanese Culture with Professor Yamashita. This is a very popular course to take because it has NO EXAMS. I repeat, NO EXAMS. For our midterm, we’re supposed to keep a journal and for our final, we can either write a 7-8 page paper or do a project Japanese-related. So you can see why loads of guys come to Mt Holyoke to take this course and why there are like 50-60 people in a class, which is 5 times more than the usual MHC class.
Anyway, Professor Yamshita decided that today was the day to introduce us to the art of meditation.
We had to sit really straight: “…Imagine a string extending from your head, down your spine and ending at your rectum. Pull that string straight.”
We had to position our hands in a “lotus” position at our stomachs and concentrate on breathing in and out deeply.
So everyone was busy inhaling and exhaling air with the concentration of Buddhist monks. The whole lecture theatre was silent.
And then suddenly a loud “Yawwnnn…” came from behind.
I couldn’t help it. My shoulders started shaking with laughter. Mapuki where got people yawn when meditating wan! Some more so loud!
Then I heard a snort from next to me. I looked and saw Angela giggling away like she was on laughing gas.
That’s how it went for the whole meditation period. Me and Angela sat there trying to hold back our laughter, half filled with fear that we would get kicked out of the class for disruption, half filled with hysteria.
The class was entirely silent except for the choking sounds emitting from us.
One of us would calm down, then the other would think about the yawning fucker and snort and the vicious cycle would repeat itself.
I thought I would burst a blood vessel or get a hernia.
At the end of the class, Yamashita came over to us and said, “What happened? What’s so funny?”
We tried to explain to him about the asshole who yawned, but the more we talked, the more we giggled.
In the end we just clasped our hands together, pleaded “Gomenasai!” and stumbled out of class.
I thought I was stupid when I couldn’t bend in my cheongsam and Angela had to help me put on my stilettos.
I thought I was stupid when I lost both my room key and my mailbox key and had to run around getting replacements.
I thought I was stupid when I tripped on the stairs going up, fell, clambered up another two steps then fell again.
But nothing beats the stupidity that I am when, thinking I would do some reading for my Intro to Chinese Civilisation class tomorrow, I pulled out my textbook, ONLY TO FIND THAT I HAD BOUGHT THE WRONG BOOK.
I was searching through my shopping bag for a book of Chinese poetry authored by Watson, and to my chagrin couldn’t find any book of poems. So I pulled out my receipt to check what were the books that I bought because I distinctly remember buying all 5 of the books needed for that class.
There was no title with the word poetry in it.
Puzzled, I rifled through my books again, and came up with…
Out Of Many – A History of The American People Fourth Edition.
Wtf.
It didn’t even have anything to do with China.
I had somehow bought an American History book instead of a Chinese History one.
I looked at my receipt again, at least thanking my lucky stars that I could return the book and get the rightful one.
There it stated on the receipt:
“Through Tuesday, February 1, all you will need to return course books is the Odyssey receipt. WE WILL NOT ACCEPT A RETURN WITHOUT THE RECEIPT.
“From Wednesday, February 3, to Tuesday, February 15, you will need the Odyssey receipt as well as a form from the Registrar’s Office certifying that you are not enrolled in a course (current schedules will not be accepted) – you may return books purchased for that course only. No books are returnable after Tuesday, February 15 (including books purchased after that date).”
Not only do I have to lug the bloody heavy book back to the bookshop to return it, I have to get a form from the Registrar’s Office to return it.
I already have a notorious name with the Registrar’s Office, because it’s right next to the Residential Life office, where I went to get a new room keys.
My reputation is gone.
I am going to eat Maggi to anti-depress myself now.
I just took my clothes out of the dryer and there’s a funny burnt smell to them.
I hate doing laundry.
Yesterday, to counter boredom and a real need for certain supplies, me, Angela, Crystal and Patricia drove all the way to Hartford (which is in the next state) to go shopping.
We borrowed a car from the college on pretense that it was for the Poverty Awareness Organization and took it to go shopping.
Apparently, God must have been asleep or in an extremely forgiving mood because he didn’t punish us for this, and instead, gave me fabulous bargains!!!
I bought pink ugg boots from American Eagle at the suicidal price of USD10 man!!! When the rest of the world are paying 100+ bucks for their ugg boots, I am purchasing mine for ten!
Let’s all ignore the fact that the boots are the last pair and one of them has been up for display since Thanksgiving, so its a darker pink than its twin.:( Aiya 10 bucks only I am not complaining!
Snow more la!! See if I’m scared! What with my trusty pink boots to protect my feet, you think I am afraid of a little frostbite?
Anyway, it seems to be getting warmer now. The temperature is, believe it or not, 2 degrees Celcius! Its so warm that the snow is melting into slush and getting quite disgusting.
I half wish it would get cold again so I can wear my 10 dollar boots. But I want it to get warmer so I can wear flip flops out again.
I am going to the gym after this because I am still on my health kick.
101 days left to Malaysia.
==========================
The gym was closed.
I battled frostbite and hunger to walk to the gym to find its doors shut.
Therefore I conclude that me and the gym have no fate.
There is a reason why the gym is closed on the day I decide to go, which is that the heavens don’t want me to go.
I shall not fight against God’s will, and thus have returned to the warmth and comfort of my room.
I’ve just watched The Phantom of the Opera.
And I’ve decided that my next boyfriend cannot speak to me, but has to put his sentences into rhymes and sing to me.
Waaahhh, so cool!!! *____*
Me and Angela are on a health kick. We’re going to the gym on Sunday. From next week onwards, she’s going to consume nothing but milk, tomatos and cucumbers. I am going to drink milk too, but I know I cannot survive on cucumbers and tomatos alone, so I told her to do whatever it takes to stop me from eating fries.
And apparently drinking milk/soya milk makes breasts grow.
By the time summer rolls around, I will be damn tall, have an hour glass figure and a totally flat stomach.
I’m back in the States. 🙁
No blizzards or tsunamis can stop me from getting my education.
Thank you to my beloved Jia Min and Ruth, and Alex Tham, Nee Kee and Sze Jiann. Hehe no need to waste petrol la!
::The Oois. Look at Fat Her. See where I got my genes from?::
::Po3!!! Love ya dears!::
::The person who denied my mother his phone. Haha she scold wan ar Alex!::
::Aijor Nee Kee, see even though in this pic I look like crap I still put it up. 😛 ::
::Aiya, this one ar? Sent me off just so he can tell me to say hi to Angela.:P::
I arrived safely, with no delays or any such thing. However, there was this very strange man whom I sat next to on the flight from Hong Kong to Chicago.
When my polka dotted pink and white bag brushed against his arm, he squealed, “Oh no! Something pink has touched me! i’ll never be able to sleep again!”
Wtf is wrong with pink?!? And you how old already, 40 something still act so damn weird!
I stretched my lips from side to side and gave him the biggest fake laugh I could muster.
Then later when they served us instant noodles (don’t ask me why) and I finished the whole miniscule bowl, he said to me, “Oh you ate the whole thing! I can see you getting fatter by the moment.”
Wtf!!! Why stranger also call me fat! And it’s not helping that he himself has a belly the size of Africa.
I tried, “But you’re the one that’s so much bigger than me.”
“Yeah, but look at my height and look at yours. At your size, you can’t afford to get fat. You’d look like a beach ball, hahaha.”
“Ha ha ha ha.” Another fake laugh.
Why am I always so malang bertembung with these kind of peculiar people, please tell me!
There is an alien object in my room.
It comes in the shape of an unfamiliar pale green panty.
Whose one is it?!? It’s certainly not mine! I don’t have panties with that much amount of rubber gathers at the waist please!
I brought it along to the yum cha session, thinking that it was Ruth’s one and that the bodoh woman left it behind in my house.
Me (upon Ruth’s entrance into the car): “Eh woman is that your panty ar? You left it in my house la!”
Ruth: “No la! I where got panties like this one! This one like come in the 5 in a pack kind I where got wear wan!”
Then we decided that it must belong to Tan Hsin-Ee because she was the only other one to stay over at my house.
I messaged her: “eh did u leave ur underwear at my hse last time?”
Hsin: “nooo la! wtf would i leave my underwear around for?! hahahahahha!!! where was it? clean wan or not??!”
Me: “CLEAN AND FOLDED FOUND IT ON TOP OF MY CUPBOARD ITS PALE GREEN RU SURE ITS NOT URS AR”
Hsin: “very sure. i would have realised if i came home with one underwear short waaat. hehehe somore u caps everything, hahahahah!”
So that was that. This was a mystery panty and none of us wanted anything to do with it.
Ruth picked it up using Alex Tham’s cushion.
I tried to leave it on his dashboard but failed.
Alex Tham was terrified that his mother would find it in his car and think that he had a night of fiery sex in it.
::A lone picture of us camwhoring in Genting. Ruth, where is the rest?!::
::Blurry pic of us. Again, Ruth where is the rest?::
::The fleshy thing at the top left corner is a finger.::
::Me and Min. Bitch damn photogenic :P::
::Another photogenic bitch. I failed to look good at all tonight.::
::Who took this pic of me?! Always must take me and the mirror la now! Hehe::
::Face almost the same size after he go backwards several meters::
::Did you know that yum cha-ing too much causes high sugar levels and diabetes? Haha no wonder have to order Excel instead of teh o ais limau!::
Just three more days till I get back to the snow, slush and sleet.
Am desperately monitering the temperature at Mt Holyoke everyday. So far it hasn’t been TOO bad, I’ve seen temperatures rise to 20+ Fahrenheit..which is about -5 Celcius. Quite good for Massachusetts!
::This is the day before I left for Malaysia. The temperature was at -20 C so me and Angela were playing in the powder snow.::
::This is right after stupid Angie flopped down on the ground and sent snow right into my mouth. This is not my idea of a good Slurpee.::
::Our imprints on the snow. I have a feeling this picture will turn out pink.::
The last 3 days were spent in Genting, as a birthday present from my beloved Jia Min and Ruth.:D
Unfortunately, the Minolta had to run out of battery again and all the pics are with Ruth, so this is going to be a text only blog.
THE GENTING TRIP IS THE MOST SUAY TRIP THAT HAS EVER TAKEN PLACE ON EARTH.
Monday 17 Jan 2004:
– Woke up, got ready. Alex Tham came to pick me up then went to get Min and Ruth. Realised I left the Milo at home and rushed back home to get it, amidst indignant shouts from Ruth and Min and stoner looks from Alex.
– Got to LRT station and went up the wrong side, thus missing the train and having to wait for the next one.
– At the LRT station, realised in shock that I forgot to pack my towel. Had visions of shaking myself dry and Min and Ruth locking me up naked in the toilet till I got dry.
– On the LRT, I happened to glance up at the old Chinese man sitting opposite me AND SAW HIS TESTICLES HANGING OUT OF HIS SHORTS. I felt like vomiting and Ruth and Min were eqaully horrified. The worst part was his legs kept opening bigger and bigger and suddenly I could see not only his testicles but his dick as well! Fucking small some more wanna show it off ar! Pukima!
And when the fucker actually opened his mouth to ask us about directions of the stations, Min pretended not to speak Cantonese out of fear that he would start a whole conversation with us. When we arrived at Terminal Putra, we rushed like mad out of the train.
– At Terminal Putra, we got harrassed by old Chinese men trying to sell us illegal tickets to Genting. Now, we have all decided that this is Ruth’s fault because she only attracts old men and nothing else.
– Upon reaching Genting, I realised to my horror that not only had I forgotten my towel, I also forgot my pajamas. No wonder bag so light la! To think I was patting myself on the back for being such a light packer. In the end I had to spend RM40 on pajamas from FOS. On budget kononnya. Over already la.
– Everybody knows how extorbitant Genting prices are. We spent RM48 on bah kut teh. That didn’t have meat in it. =(
Tuesday 18 Jan 2004:
– To save money, the 3 of us actually brought cup noodles up with us. When we ripped them open in the morning for breakfast, we discovered THERE WERE NO FORKS INCLUDED. What to do?
In the end, Jia Min ate her noodles using a straw from the Milo boxed drink. Ruth ate hers using her Hello Kitty pen. I ate mine using… my toothbrush.
– Today was Theme Park Day. We bounced into the theme park full of glee and bumped into this little Indian/Middle Eastern looking boy at the merry go round. He kept staring at us so we took a picture of him.
Later on we bumped into him somewhere else in the theme park again. Feeling there was something wrong because both times we saw him also he was by himself, we were lagi more surprised when he started trailing Jia Min. When we turned around, he started hitting Ruth in the groin. Ruth screamed and started running around and the little fucker ran after her and slapped her in the front AND back.
I managed to grab the kid midrun and pushed him away. Then we all started walking away from him. He ran after us again and I turned around and lifted up my hand and said, “If you run after us again I will slap you.”
The demon kid just smiled at me and made a come-on sign with his hand.
So the next time he ran after us again, I grabbed hold of his hands which were trying to grab one of our asses and slapped him nicely.
Then Jia Min grabbed his legs and shouted, “Siapa punya anak ini kacau orang!” (Whose kid is this bothering people?!) Ruth held his arms and we carried him like that to find a Genting staff.
We found a guy manning an icecream booth and passed the little fucker over to him. He said,
“Eh kamu pasti ini bukan anak kamu ar?!” (Eh are you sure this is not your kid?!)
Ruth said, “Yalah! Anak kita mana ada hodoh sangat?!” (Yes! Our kid won’t be so ugly!)
Later in the day when we passed to booth again, we saw it was closed. We suspect the kid killed the guy. And the kid may have been a hantu/demon.
– We came out of the theme park with multiple injuries.
Playing bumper cars, Ruth got a bruise on her back thanks to this fuckhead of a father who was driving a car with his small son in it. He seemed to take perverse pleasure in hitting us with his car very hard then throwing back his head and laughing when we screamed. KNN this is how you teach your kid ar?! Fuck you la!
Also, during bumper cars, this guy hit me headon and I flew off my seat and hit my mouth on the steering wheel. My mouth filled with blood and my eyes with tears la obviously. Now I have a lebam on my upper lip, lacerated gums, and a knocked in front tooth. Mahai, if I had known bumper cars would make your teeth go in and the rest of your teeth shift around, making you feel like you had braces back on again, I definitely wouldn’t have put braces last time. Just go to Genting.
– On the swingy ride where near the entrance, Jia Min’s finger got slammed under the safety bar and she has a big blood clot there now.
Suayness.
You know times are a-changing when during a family reunion dinner, the grandkids are all clustered around three different handphones, furiously stabbing away at the keys and racking up the top scores in the phone games that nobody plays.
That’s how I spent dinner, ladling out fish for under-12s and yelling at them when they dropped ice cubes into my soup.
Just watched Extreme Makeover. First time seeing and I am damn impressed! So fugly also become so pretty! I also want la.
List of cosmetic surgery wants:
– First up, eliminating adipose tissue at middle area
– Break in jawbones to get slimmer face
– Face lift to get rid of eyebags
– Sew up my mouth to make it smaller. HAHA!
Oh yes, three days ago, I woke up and made up my mind that it was time for… A Hair Revamp.
Unfortunately after checking John Tang’s schedule, I discovered to my chagrin that… Today Was His Off Day.
What the! Just when I want to do my hair, the sifu has to be unavailable? However, nothing will deter me from getting what I want, especially when it comes togetting fabulous hair.
I pulled out his contact number….and due to my lack of Cantonese knowledge, made Mummy Ooi call John Tang.
“Hello, is this John Tang? … I’m Joyce, my daughter always goes to you to do her hair. She said you will remember her; she’s the short short one who cannot speak Cantonese and went to Mei Kok.”
“Oh ya ya I remember her! Very short wan right?”
wtf.
Anyway I dragged Mummy Ooi and Chung Jia Min along with me and got our hair done.
Guess how much we did our hair for?
Mummy Ooi and Min got haircuts for fcukin RM18.
And I dyed and cut my hair for RM85.
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!
I am the man! And John Tang is God.
Even though the hair is a bit the lala, cos of the color and the bit too short fringe, RM85 is godly:D
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