1. Cindy has moved from jadezheng.com to teycindy.com! Most of her big fans probably already know this but for those who don’t please change your links!
2. To everyone who commented on my last entry, thank you so much. I didn’t have time to reply cos I was away for the weekend, but I read all of them (at least twice). Everyone was so insightful and so many of you had little anecdotes to share about yourselves which made me laugh and/or touched me.
Thank you!
I musta been crazy to be sad wtf.
Crappy Booze commented that he’s lost count of the number of posts on height on my blog.
Well, my blog is called fourfeetnine wtf.
To be honest, I don’t think I have talked that much about height actually. I always thought I talked most about my hair wtf.
So let’s even the score.
I was always tiny. My parents are both about five feet tall, and when I was born, my mom said I was the size of a kitten WTF.
When I went to primary school, the teacher always made me stand at the front of the line during perhimpunan.
I’d stand there happily and think I was so lucky to be in front so I could see them raise the flags when we sang Negaraku.
Then when we hit age 10-11, everyone around me started having growth spurts. I didn’t notice then but I didn’t have mine wtf. Even when Ooib started shooting up it didn’t occur to me that mine was missing. I just thought oh boys they grow so fast wtf.
And so I started life as a teenager. I was in love with Lee Brennan and convinced myself he was my future husband because he was only something like 5’4 and very suitable for me wtf.
Then I started noticing real boys around me. But they didn’t notice me because I was under their radar WTF (]too short. and quite ugly)
Once a boy said “Audrey is nice. If only she wasn’t so short.” wtf. Well anyway that guy turned out to be my first boyfriend wtf never say never. This was obviously after I got braces and contacts.
By the time I was fully entrenched in my dating years, I was quite used to people shaking their heads and saying “too short” wtf. I don’t know why I was still perfectly happy with myself though. Self delusional la what else. Even at my ugliest age (age 12-16, dark, bumpy skin, huge glasses, buck teeth, no boobs) I sitll thought every boy liked me WTF.
Not that I did anything about it la I just thought only wtf.
Not only boys, their parents too. Some of my boyfriends’ parents didn’t like it that I was less than 5 feet tall. That made me sadder than boys my age saying that maybe because I thought adults would be less judgmental than kids.
But aiya what am I complaining for. Not that I really got discriminated for my height. Maybe the only thing my height makes difficult is when I need to fax something in the office and have to climb on a chair to look at the fax machine properly.
And I don’t remember getting discriminated for any jobs. Oh maybe just one — working in the mailroom and Mount Holyoke but only because they needed someone who could lift 25 lb packages without breaking a sweat.
It’s okay I got another fully physical job anyway — taking out the trash wtf.
And I think Fat Her loves it that I’m shorter than him. So when he calls me “his little girl”, it’s actually true wtf.
Same height! (with heels)
And a boyfriend who says if I’m taller he won’t like me ^___^ (and that it’s my stupendous combo of short + manly voice that really knocks him out wtf)
Ze end.
God I can’t even remember his name. All I remember is he was the tallest guy in class and I was the shortest girl so it was funny to get us to take pictures together wtf.
To the people who said things about my height because you truly believe you’re better than me, to hurt me (sorry, not you anonymous fuckers btw because you can’t stab someone standing too far away) —
well congratulations, you succeeded.
I doubted myself for a day.
A while back I met this middle aged woman at a party carrying a Prada bag.
I was sitting at a table full of women my mom’s age and only me and Tim were er below age 25 wtf.
Another auntie mentioned briefly to us about how this woman had a huge collection of handbags.
Thar she blows. Cannot stop talking about her handbag collection.
I bought this bag very cheap only… even the scarf on the bag is only RM700…so cheap ok what do you mean expensive? Oh ya the bracelet that goes on the bag was also cheap… only RM2050 (wtf)….oh and my Birkin? The Puan Sri got it for me, if not how else can I get it? You know the waiting list for it is 3 years you know… I also wait 3 years already still couldn’t get it until the Puan Sri stepped in for me. oh ya and my son came out to work already bought me a Prada bag he is really filial…
Then on to next topic which is her shining son. (for another ten minutes) Talked about how he didn’t need to study also can get first class honors la…. got his masters when he was dunno how old la… and then told everyone how she didn’t spend any money on her bags until she put her son through school.
Felt like vomiting.
Had to keep drinking iced water to keep my face from grimacing.
Where got people like this wan! Show off also show off until so obvious! All it took was one word about her bags and off she went like a runaway train on speed.
And ironically I thought she was uneducated WTF. Cos her English wasn’t very good and she couldn’t even pronounce some words right (she said “my’s” instead of mine WTF)
I thought she could have been one of the lucky women who married a man who might not be so rich at first but through sheer hard work made it big later on in his life.
But it turns out she is quite educated!
But aih I thought she was not very classy (in terms of speech & behavior)
Already had not a good impression of her, she had to ruin it further right before we went home by telling Tim “wah your girlfriend looks like a kid!”
At first I didn’t mind because everyone thinks I’m younger than I am anyway.
Dunno how Tim did it! He always said his temper is his worst fault but many times I think he’s more patient than me. He just smiled and asked “how old do you think she is Auntie?”
The woman waved her hand dismissively and said “cannot be older than 16 la. Not scared later police come catch you ah?”
WTFTWTFWTFWTFWTWFWTW
SAY I LOOK LIKE A KID NEVER MIND. THEN ACCUSE MY BOYFRIEND OF BEING A PEDOPHILE?
Seriously. So no class.
Ok I admit I didn’t say anything when she said that. The party was at the house of someone I quite like and I didn’t want to embarrass anyone. Plus I’m Chinese and she’s got a gazillion years on me and I was raised on Confucian values not to be rude to your elders. (and really really elder ok)
Hello Auntie did 50 years of your life not teach you anything about having some tact and class?
FIFTY YEARS! 50! GO JUU NEN! FIVE DECADES. HALF A CENTURY. If she was an egg she would be a century egg WTF.
All black and fermented. (and quite good to eat wtf)
To be honest, I’ve been too busy and irritable to blog. Yesterday I felt terrible for no good reason — maybe it was PMS, although it’s weird cos I always get mood swings only a few days into my period.
I wrote on my Twitter/Facebook that I felt like shit and late at night when I was having my McDs dinner with Tim, my phone rang and it was Masato asking if I was okay because he saw my status update.
It cheered me up! Because someone else (besides Tim and the Oois) cared 🙂
Anyway I’m putting up some pictures I’ve taken over the past week but haven’t had time or the mood to blog about.
The other day at my health checkup, the doctor told me I had to:
a) gain weight
b) exercise
..wait ar.
FUCKIN MOSQUITOS IN MY ROOM HERE I COME WITH THE RACKET
..
No mosquitos to be found/zapped despite thorough racket waving around my room. Damnation. Very dissatisfied and itchy.
Anyway, the doctor said I had to exercise to increase bone density so I could avoid osteoporosis in my old age.
I am very afraid of this! Actually I am scared of all classes of diseases and my number one feared disease is diabetes.
Cos I have seen my grandmother inject herself with insulin everyday and it scares the bejesus out of me ok!
2nd most feared disease is Alzheimers. Which we suspect my other grandmother has got.
(wow what a gene pool wtf)
So last Sunday I coaxed Tim to go jogging with me. (and thank goodness nobody else as you will see later)
Put on a tshirt, put on my shorts. Tied up my hair with a no nonsense rubber band.
Hunted around for a pair of sneakers. Found an obscure pair of fuchsia Tommy Hilfiger shoes bought during the phase when every single item of clothing I had had to be pink. Totally forgot about them!
Put them on, waved bye to skeptical mother and followed Tim out of the house.
Ran to the end of the road.
I thought I might die.
How do people do this? And how do they do it for fun!
I wanted to give up right there but I didn’t want Tim to think I was a useless wimp! (what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him wtf)
So we kept running for about 20 torturous minutes.
Sorry more like he ran and I walked fast wtf.
He literally ran circles around me. He’d run then jog on the spot while waiting for me to catch up. Then he would run around me while I struggled with my life.
Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and suggested that we headed over to the park. Tim continued to run around the park while I sat on the swing and contemplated taking my life waited for oxygen to seep back into my cells.
Tried swinging myself for a bit but felt ten kinds of nausea so I decided we should head home.
I guess I could live with an easily shattered bone or two.
Since I’m waiting for Tim to come home and have nothing to do (and the Lipstick Jungle dvd looks like it’s broken wtf) I ransacked his photos and found photos of Phuket that I hadn’t put up yet!
OMG I just heard that my friend got retrenched :O :O
*clutches office desk
It’s okay as long as I keep doing the work of 2 people WTF.
Ok from this point on don’t really need to read cos it’s going to be a boring entry on work.
So. The Urbanscapes escapade that never happened.
Twitter is making me lazy!
People who follow me would know I don’t twit often. I don’t twit when I’m feeding my cat or when I’m having char kuey teow.
But somehow I’ve gotten used to saying things in 140 characters or less and I realized I don’t know what to blog about anymore!
I haven’t figured out how to put a Twitter widget on my blog yet but here are some of my most recent twits.
1.
sang out wht i thought was dominos number. Colleague called and got nilai memorial park. Whoops
2.
forgot i have twitter. wtf
3.
put my icecream in the fridge. forgot its fridge and not freezer. dammit!
4.
We are going to phi phi island tomorrow. With no sunblock. God help me
5.
A man looked at me and didn’t see where he was going so he tripped on the stairs HAHAHAHAH
6.
So good when you can tell arrogant ppl NOTHXBAI because u don’t need them & got better offer elsewhere. HAHA! Take that!
7.
is an empowered woman!
8.
just realized my mouth is caked with milo. For the whole meeting?!
9.
eating bubur mcd again because my ulcer will not go away T_T
10.
head down, to his knees, got to be a joker he just do what he please
(acting all in the knows with the Beatles)
11.
throat ulcer is going to make me lose weight
12.
never pick food out of your teeth and smell your hand
13.
Put on my brother’s contact lens instead WTF FML
I realize most of my twits are quite idiotic.
But what I have also realized that blogging can do and what Twitter can’t, is Twitter will not allow me to just sit down and ooze nonsense into my keyboard and onto my screen.
And that’s what I’m going to do now.
Oh we had a company wide health checkup the other day.
Surprise, I’m underweight!
Health counselor: “you don’t eat a lot, do you?”
Me: “Actually yes I do.”
Counselor: “No, that’s just what you think.” WTF.
Me: “No I do! You ask my friend! Lee Fen, do I eat a lot?”
Lee Fen: “Yes she eats mountains” WTFF
Counselor: “Well maybe you have a thyroid problem.” (?!?!)
Hate medical tests. But this one was free so I had to be Chinese and go for it.
I peed all over my hand while doing the pee test.
I kept begging them so I wouldn’t have to do the blood test but they shushed my whining and went ahead and stabbed my finger.
I went “MOTHERF*CKER” but thankfully I had my other hand clamped tightly over my mouth and people further away couldn’t hear wtf.
But the highlight was when I told See Yin, this silent and very act cool guy there was a blood test, he collapsed against the cubicle wall and wheezed. HAHAHAHA
P/S: Speaking of twits, how many people have read Roald Dahl’s book The Twits!
Mr and Mrs Twit.
Real life version wtf.
So I’m on a contest joining kick!
Audrey the Contest Contestant strikes again wtf.
It’s called the NESCAFÉ® Chill Lah Plex™.
I clicked on the link and the site was made to look like a little township complete with Nescafe truck running across the screen and a cinema called “Chill Lah Plex™”.
Anyway to go with NESCAFÉ World, there is also a new language, Chill Lah™ Style. Anyone can contribute to it. Like Vvens contributed “kambing” to replace with “coming” I am kambing! Wtf.
To speak Chill Lah™ Style, you just have to type words a bit differently from what you’re used to. Make sure the words you’re typing sound alike but are spelled differently.
Sow, base sickly yew shoed bee thai ping like diss wtf.
So the contest is to write a script, any script (but of course must be good la wtf) of maximum 6 scenes. (submission date by 9 August 2009)
The only catch is (and challenging way to test your creativity) you must feature any or all of the NESCAFÉ® Chilled Coffee cans.
(Fat Her makes a guest appearance with his friend, NESCAFÉ® Chilled Latte!)
If your script is chosen for the Top 20, you will automatically win RM2,000 per contestant!
And if you’re a Nuffnang member, the stakes are raised even higher because if you are chosen for one of the Top 20, you win an extra Rm1,000 on top of the 2,000. For more info, click here.
The Top 20 most voted entries will qualify for the final round which means they actually have to bring their script to life.
Format: MPEG, AVI, WMV, QUICKTIME or 3GP
Duration:3 mins
SUBMISSION DEADLINE:18:00:00, 2nd November 2009
1st place RM10,000 X 1
2nd place RM8,000 X 1
3rd place RM5,000 X 1
Consolation RM200 X 7
RM10,000! Can pay off 10% of my loan!
I tried writing a script… but it’s actually a lot harder than I thought it would be!
Click here for my script if you ever uhh need inspiration hahaha good joke Aud wtf.
It’s called uhhh Battle of the Botak *ashamed
And interesting tidbit: I named the protagonist Ah Ho because Aho means Stupid in Kansai ben (Kyoto dialect) Or is that in all Japanese? *aho
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