Yay talking about happy things today – Penny’s full moon!
The truth is, I wasn’t planning on having a full moon. I didn’t plan one for Fighter either but my mother in law insisted cos she said she must be fair to all her grandkids and threw one for Fighter back in Penang.
For Penny I also didn’t really consider having one but then Betjeman and Barton said they wanted to do one for Penny!
Betjeman and Barton is a new tea place in KL! They are tea merchants from Paris and have been around since 1919.
Their first outlet in Malaysia is in 1 Utama, which is where we had the full moon. 🙂
Arrived at the store and everything was ready for us!
A look around the store first…
Ignore Fat Her Ooi wtf.
Love their pretty red decor scheme! The walls are lined with shelves of tea cannisters – crazy amount of different types of teas from around the world!
The other side. There are glass cases of special handmade desserts and chocolates by Betjeman and Barton. Some of the desserts are even tea-infused, keeping to their commitment to the beverage.
Okay so at first I thought it would be a small low key affair – just an afternoon tea with our closest friends and family and everyone would just gather to put up legs and chit chat wtf.
But then La Memoria stepped up and offered to do the decor for party! :O They are a pretty well known wedding and event decorating company so suddenly the party became super glam omg sorry Fighter Penny win this time hahahaha.
I told them La Memoria I wanted a pink and princessy theme… obviously!! I’ve been dying for an excuse to throw this kinda themed party my whole life wtf. So they came through with a gorgeous pink and gold scheme.
This was the photo backdrop! Actually the style reminds me of Sofia the First hahaha.
And hehehe Fatty and Princess Penny are super in love with each other here wtf.
Also excuse how I look wtf. Full moons should be held at least three months later to give the momma time to look presentable again hmph wtf.
The decor at the buffet table!
And the buffet table itself. All catering done inhouse by Betjeman and Barton yo!
One of the desserts! Actually I was so busy talking to everyone and tending to Penny I didn’t eat a thing. :/
All desserts in pink too hehehe. Got cupcakes, macarons, croissants and pink pastries I don’t know hahaha.
They even had a cake for us!!! Unlike the trend nowadays for mock fondant cakes, this gorgeous princess cake was entirely edible.
With my confinement auntie! Penny came suitably dressed in the theme btw. Actually she was super pink and floral la hahaha more pics later.
z
Me with a critter who was busy stuffing his face (literally) with macarons. >_>
Party in full swing. 😀 Can tell a baby’s party by the strollers hahaha.
Another pic of the four of us. 🙂 We super awkward standing like this cos didn’t wanna block the cake and decor lolol.
One more of the pretty buffet table.
With Jojo and Lay See! La Memoria also provided princessy photo props which the kids loved hehehe. The adults mostly forgot to use dammit wtf.
Hehehe love this photo of Lay See with her son Javier (who’s Fighter’s classmate!)
With Fatty’s college friends. 🙂
And Bobo who rushed back from her holiday to attend. <3
The Oois! Fighter is super attached to Mummy Ooi so Fat Her staked his claim on Penny already hahahaha.
Joanne (my ex boss) and Jammie! Fighter playing the good host and letting people take photos with him wtf.
With the girls Gene, Reva and Wendy.
Another set of girls – all mommies hehehe. Juvyn and Li Anne (high school friends whom I recently got back in touch with yayy) and Lay See. And Li Anne’s baby Shane!
Look at this Juvyn pregnant but don’t look pregnant one good genes or what!
Yew Kuan disturbing Fighter from the looks of it hahahaha.
Ooib and Sherlyn!
Janice, Desmond and Fayth. Industry people… and my sister in law lol.
Haha super cute la this picture! Lexi, Javier and Kay playing around with the props.
Fatty with Terence & Li Anne, Janson & Juvyn and roly poly baby Shane.
And where was the star of the day?
Very busy. She had a packed schedule of naps and milk drinking. Hahahaha.
Happy one month darling!
Actually as I write this she’s nearly eight weeks old now zomg. And laying on my lap, fast asleep lolol.
Thank you again to our sponsors Betjeman and Barton, and La Memoria! They did such a good job with Penny’s full moon that now I don’t know what I can do for her first birthday hahahaha.
A couple of nights ago I received this extremely offensive and batshit comment on my Instagram.
Wait where did this come from?
I’m not going to lie — her comment pissed me off. If she was trolling she succeeded la hahaha.
Her ignorance, her incoherence, her lack of understanding, her judgmentalism (is that a word wtf). I wanted to reply her but to be honest I didn’t even know where to begin cos she was so off she might as well be in outer space wtf.
This is what I replied. Very angrily I might add.
But there’s actually a lot more I’d like to say to her. She has since deleted her Instagram/changed her username although I cautioned my readers not to flame her, but I’m pretty sure she’s still reading my Dayre and blog.
So here’s an open letter to her.
Dear @Shirlingaling/ @S.Lingaling,
You are right, a LOT of moms read my Instagram and Dayre, and you know what? Nobody agrees with you; in fact, we all agree that everything you’ve said is all in your mind, a pure figment of your imagination.
From your comment, you must not be a mother yourself. If you were a mother there is no way you would pass such a judgmental presumptuous statement, much less to another mom. Your ignorance is shocking which is why I feel the need to write this for you (and for anyone else ignorant and brazen enough to say what you did).
Just by looking at my blog, Dayre and IG, you calculated the level of love I have for my daughter and judged me for not being loving enough. Pray, enlighten me what formula you used to measure “love” as viewed on social media as that is really quite magical! Scientists all over the world would love to know, I’m sure.
You concluded I must not love my daughter as much as I do my son, because she was, in your words, “easier to have”. Would you dare say this to the face of any mother out there? It is none of your business but now I choose to tell you for the sake of dispelling your gross ignorance. I took aspirin daily for nine months to ensure my daughter would be a safer pregnancy and be “easier to have”. I checked my blood pressure at least twice daily, and did urine tests as needed to make sure she was safe from preeclampsia. I hopped in and out of the hospital as false alarms indicated that the preeclampsia might have returned.
So yes, if you count avoiding a long hospital stay an “easier birth” then yes I had an “easier birth”. Penelope made it to full term through luck and by the combined efforts of my doctor and me, which I am terribly thankful for.
But what about uncomplicated pregnancies? Do you dare say that getting pregnant, staying pregnant and then having a baby is “easy”? What about having morning sickness, constipation, heartburn, worrying about miscarriages and baby’s health, back aches, water retention, stretch marks, pain, tiredness? What about pushing a baby through your vagina, or getting cut open and then recovering from a major surgery? Is that easy to you? I dare you to say that to any woman who has experienced it because you surely haven’t.
You said I complained about her vomiting. If that is your definition of complaining, I think you better not say anything IN YOUR LIFE EVER wtf. Yes I wrote about her constant vomiting and how I’ve been trying to solve this problem. I did it because I was hoping to get some support and advice from other moms and the Dayre community came through for me. 🙂 Unfortunately you twisted something as innocent as that into “complaining” and “not loving my baby”. You even dared to suggest I shouldn’t have had her if I’m going to complain.
Again, you don’t deserve to know this but in my efforts to stop her vomiting, I’ve already cut out dairy from my diet, researched essential oils to clear her mucus, and even now pump before feeding her just so she won’t overfeed and throw up. But of course all this wasn’t jotted down and why should I? Do I need to trumpet every detail of what I’m doing just so people like you can stop judging?
You said I love Penny less. I do love them differently – this I admit. When I had Fighter, I only had him to focus on. Now I have Penny too and I had to learn to give them both equal attention and care. I love her in a different way, because she is a different person. I have to switch up my parenting style because she is a different baby with a different personality and preferences from Fighter. So yeah, I don’t love them the same but it doesn’t mean I love her any less. Who are you to say anything about this?
Who do you think you are? Who are you to demand the privilege of a clarification from me or to request the details of my personal and family life? You are a complete stranger to me which is why you do not know enough to have a say. And yet you persist in having a misguided opinion of me and my life, and embarrassing yourself in the process.
Don’t you dare tell me or any other parent out there that we did not suffer for, or love our children enough. You have no right. It was sickening of you and I hope you never say what you said to me to anyone else ever.
Signed,
A mother you had the audacity to judge
*
There. I had a great time writing the above. Hahaha.
Last Monday began like any other day.
Took Fighter back to school after a long hiatus cos I was busy having Penny and then in confinement.
Hehehe my handsome well dressed boy. Tshirt from Wild Baby.
I left Penny at home for our nanny to look after.
When I got home, nanny told me worriedly that she’d noticed a lump on Penny’s erm labia. I checked, and sure enough there was a huge protruding lump on the left side of her groin. When I gingerly poked it, it felt hard. O_O
I had no idea what it was and since when it appeared. I’d always noticed her labia was a bit swollen but I thought that was normal since she’s a newborn and it was water retention or hormones from being inside my tummy. I’d certainly never seen a newborn labia before her and never noticed the lump before either.
To be safe, I quickly rushed her to our pediatrician. Doctor looked at her and said it was possibly a hernia. O_O
He ordered an ultrasound scan, and sure enough it was confirmed an inguinal hernia. Inguinal hernias are more common with baby boys but sometimes girls can get them too. T___T They’re more likely in premature babies too — but Penny is hardly premature leh so suay she get this even though born at 36 weeks.
Usually it’s the intestine that has dropped into the crotch, but in Penny’s case it was her ovary that had fallen through, which is rarer. No wonder the lump felt hard and round, it was her ovary I felt. T___________T
The doctors recommended surgery and I nearly fainted. Surgery at a month old. T_____________T
Apparently it’s a pretty routine procedure and is done to prevent future incidents from happening even if the doctor manages to push back the ovary this time (she couldn’t). The surgery involves making a small incision at the lower abdomen, pushing back up the ovary, then sewing up the hole in the muscle to prevent future incidents, before stitching up the incision.
So we scheduled the surgery for Wednesday, two days later.
The night before, I packed our hospital bag. And cried.
I was damn emo thinking SKY AH SKY WHY ME WHY THEM. Why do both my babies at such young ages have to battle health issues serious enough to warrant hospital stays and surgeries. Most adults haven’t even had surgery, why does my poor little one month old baby girl have to go through one at this age. My heart broke imagining what she would have to go through if I could have the surgery for her I would. T_________T
On the way to the hospital next morning, I cried again wtf.
Anyway I checked her in for admission and got settled into our room to await the surgery.
Uhh. My face don’t ask wtf.
Penny had to fast for at least four hours before the surgery. She normally drinks every 2-3 hours so that’s like her missing a whole feed cycle. Imagine denying a hungry baby crying for milk. I think that was one of the most torturous things for me. She doesn’t normally take a pacifier but I kept stuffing one into her mouth for two hours straight to give her some kind of comfort. 🙁
Changing her diaper before going in to surgery. Later doctor got nasty surprise wtf.
Besides being hungry she wasn’t really in any discomfort thank goodness. And she’s damn cute in this set of photos hahaha.
What face is this!
Still getting her diaper changed hahaha.
^^
\
Then it was time to head to the Operating Theater. Instead of a normal hospital bed, the nurses wheeled her in a metal pediatrics cot.
We had to change her into a surgical gown. Unfortunately the only gowns available were adult size wtf. So I took an adult gown and wrapped her up in it.
The gown made her look tinier than ever and she looked so vulnerable lying there. T_________T
The OT is always damn cold so luckily the nurses brought a blanket and swaddled her up in it too.
I was all prepared to enter the OT with her. A lot of people said they’d rather not see and I also don’t wanna see leh. But somehow being there in the OT would make me feel less helpless – if anything happens, I want to know immediately.
But the anesthetist said that Penny would be under general anesthetic and she’s too young to notice if I was there or not, so I didn’t need to go in. 🙁 They pushed her in and I started bawling again. T____T
We went downstairs to have a quick lunch while waiting for the operation to be done – they said it’d take about 45 minutes.
Stupid Dome service damn slow so I was going crazy waiting for my food and then gobbling it down. Then had to wait for them to slowly give us the bill also. Then suddenly my phone rang and it was the hospital!
They said, “come up to the OT immediately your daughter needs you.”
Wah panicked like crazed wilderbeest. Cos they made it sound so urgent and as though something went wrong okay!
Left my parents downstairs while Fatty and I dashed upstairs to the OT. Outside, while waiting to be let in, we heard a baby crying.
Me: “That’s Penny crying!”
Fatty: “Cannot be she shook off the GA so fast.”
*baby cries again
Us: “Oh yea that’s her.” wtf hahaha cos her scream very loud and distinctive one. :X
I was nearly running around in circles cos they hadn’t opened the doors for us yet! When I finally got in, they put me in scrubs and quickly led me in… and I saw Penny, still wrapped in the blanket, being held by a nurse, squalling away.
The nurses asked me to nurse her for a bit to give her a drink and to calm her down I guess. And they finally told me everything went well thank goodness say earlier next time please lol.
She was still too sleepy though so her suck wasn’t very strong. She was merely sucking for comfort which was totally okay with me!
Penny immediately after the surgery. She had a drip in one little hand, and a monitoring device on her other. 🙁
She continued sleeping for another 1-2 hours and woke up ravenous. Drank a lot of milk which is a good sign. 🙂
Penny with Daddy.
The night after the operation was rough though. She was on paracetemol for the pain but obviously it still hurt so she was horribly grumpy the whole night.
Every time I put her down she’d cry and cry. She probably felt so insecure and uncomfortable that she just wanted someone to hold her. So I spent the night just cradling and cuddling her. She slept in fits and bursts but I think I only got about an hour of full sleep, when at 8 am I finally managed to hug her from the side and we both slept quite peacefully that way.
The doctor okay-ed her discharge the next morning though so home we went! She was doing much better already, less grumpy and more like her normal self (which can also be quite grumpy wtf)
But she was well enough for us to go ahead with her full moon party over the weekend!
So glad it’s all over.
To other noob parents, please keep a look out for any weird lumps on your newborns. I didn’t know what to look out for – or even what a hernia was and that it can affect young babies – so I would have missed it if not for the experienced eagle eye of my nanny. Hernias left untreated can be very dangerous. The organ part that slips through the muscle can be strangulated and die off.
Sf you spot anything unusual on your baby and you don’t know what it is, no harm just getting it checked out at the doctor’s.
I’m very thankful we caught Penny’s case early and no damage was done. 🙂
This #confessionsofamom tag has been going around on Dayre. I’m quite motivated to jump on the bandwagon and write a blog post on this too! But right now there is only one confession Imma make.
I hate what pregnancy has done to my body. T_________T
The misshapen boobs, the extra soft tummy, nipples the size of plates wtf, the stretched out thighs. Extra cellulite on new areas. I now fail the boob pencil test spectacularly. My lower back actually jiggles when I jump wtf.
(On the bright side, I’ve made my peace with my stretch marks. You guys can stay.)
During my first pregnancy, I was terrified about not getting back to pre-pregnancy weight too. Luckily I did go back to pre-pregnancy weight — in fact I actually went lower. Before getting pregnant with Penny, I was 3 kg less than before Fighter. O_o I attribute it to breastfeeding.
This picture was taken 6.5 weeks after I had Fighter. I was 40 kg here (my pre-preggers weight was 38 kg). I was pretty astounded myself at how fast I lost it.
This time, 4 weeks after having Penny, I am struggling a little wtf.
Yes I realize 4 weeks is an impossible timeline to expect my body to go back to normal. I am 42 kg now, and my pre-Penny weight was actually 35 kg. Which makes me 7 kg off.
But because the first time I lost the weight so fast, I was quite confident the same would happen this time. But I’ve been stuck at 42 kg for a few weeks already so I started panicking.
That said, there’s a few things different this time which I guess makes the revertal to pre-preggers body a little tougher.
1. I’m older
It’s a bitter pill to swallow but here goes wtf. I don’t know if this is an actual contributing factor but it makes sense la. I am two years older now than when I had Fighter so it can be said that my metabolism may have decreased which could be why it’s taking longer for that weight to shift.
2. Penny was born later
Fighter was born at 31 weeks, right at the start of the third trimester. Penny was born at 36 weeks plus, making her on the border of being full term. She didn’t need to be admitted into the NICU even!
Most women pack on the most pounds during the third trimester. With Fighter he arrived too early for me to have much time to really gain weight. With Penny this obviously wasn’t the case so whatever I gained, was real weight, not just water.
3. I ate a lot more ice cream
Confirm Penny got sweet tooth lor. My cravings with Fighter were actually pretty healthy – I ate tons of vegetables and clear Chinese style soup. Not with Penny wtf. I kept wanting to eat sweet stuff!
I’m convinced I only started baking so I could make myself desserts wtf.
To make matters worse, my heartburn was intense my whole pregnancy. With Fighter, fresh milk helped but it failed with Penny. Even Gaviscon didn’t work. The only thing that did was ice cream. -_-
So I uhh ate some every day. I tried to minimize the damage by buying mini Cornettos that came in a box but sedikit sedikit lama-lama menjadi bukit okay so the fat piled on. T______T
4. I exercised less
Since I’m on a confession kick right now sigh. During Fighter’s pregnancy I diligently attended pregnacy yoga and pilates and went swimming every week.
With Penny, I was so busy I totally forgot about exercise. I just hoped running around after a toddler and lifting weights (Fighter) would be enough. And when I remembered, I randomly did some Kegels. :X
Exercise makes a huge difference leh. By the last few weeks with Penny even climbing stairs made me pant cos I had no stamina at all. I’m sure it’s why I’m not bouncing back as quickly post-pregnancy too.
Anyway.
42 kg is probably very light to most people but keep in mind my height and my pre-preggers weight. My arms and face (and maybe lower legs) are relatively slim but everything in between is all blobby and misshapen and weird.
Here’s photo evidence. Oh god what am I doing wtf.
Me from the side.
Lies! I’m sucking in my stomach wtf.
This is the real thing. T_________T
Pants from before totally cannot fit. That’s like five inches difference!? Cannot even zip up, don’t say button. T______T
Skin on my abdomen is damn flabby and pinch a bit also a lot come out.
Erm don’t remember what my thigh circumference used to be but it’s now a whopping 18 inches! Confirm much bigger than before cos some of my long pants cannot even pull up FML.
Er help?
I know these are badges of honor from housing and growing two babies in two years inside my body. And some of them – like my stretch marks – I do wear with pride. But I think I can also honor myself by getting back to how I used to look or better lol.
Last time I asked Fatty, “how ah what if I don’t get back to my old body?”
He said, “can always go Marie France” Hahahaha.
Yes I will go there!! Hahaha. I was already in touch with Marie France Bodyline last year but then I discovered I was pregnant so we didn’t go on from there.
But now I am going back to them for a consultation and see what they can do for me! If it works, I’m damn excited to do a before and after post hahaha.
(Yes I know disapproving people will say you can just exercise and diet but exercise alone sometimes cannot just target certain areas. I will of course exercise and eat healthily but I don’t want to rule out any other avenues I have.)
Stay tuned yo wtf.
The #confessionsofamom tag has been going around on Dayre. I also wanna confess! Pretend you’re a priest ok wtf.
I think I have a pretty lackadaisical approach to parenting. In fact I am lackadaisical in all aspects of my life la so no wonder I’m so chin chai when it comes to my babies. Also no wonder if you can already tell what most of my confessions are going to be like. *shifty eyed
1. I try to make Fighter sleep earlier…
so that I can have more ‘me’ time at night to get my own stuff done. Whether it’s blogging or baking or even just watching series in peace. :X So I’ll make sure he doesn’t sleep too late in the afternoon. Either that or I’ll find some strenuous activity for him to do in the evening so he’ll be tired at night and sleep faster wtf.
For example, swimming in the bathtub. :X
2. Sometimes when Fighter drops food, I pick it up and eat it myself. But I blow on it first. #likethatmakesitanybetter
If he spits out food, I sometimes eat it too (if there’s not too much saliva on it). There goes my reputation wtf.
Waste not, want not wtf. So far haven’t fed Fighter food from the floor la. But if say drop on the bed then yeah I might feed it to him. :X
Yea and if it’s his pacifier, sometimes I just pick it up, blow on it and give it back to him wtf.
3. I use kids as an excuse to go home early… and as a topic of conversation
In my defense, not just me! Fatty does it too! Sometimes we take Fighter out with us to dinner… so we can excuse ourselves and say “sorry our son needs to go home and sleep.” Perfect unoffensive excuse to go and people won’t give you shit for it!
Uhh but other times we also bring Fighter out because we want to okay hahaha and not just avoiding your company. Our friends will never know now HAHAHA wtf.
Sometimes if we’re out with people I don’t really know, it’s great having a kid there too so I can focus on him if I got nothing to say to them wtf. But that hasn’t happened too often la hahaha but it’s always a good fallback plan. The bad news is that I get lazy to think of topics of conversation.
4. I cannot excuse bad behavior in adults anymore
Cikumuffin from Dayre actually said the same thing and it hit me like a revelation.
Within the past year or two, I found myself getting increasingly intolerant of friends or even strangers who behaved badly. I’m not even talking about people who do actual evil things, but those who are rude, or selfish or just aren’t nice.
Take my Kempen Sopan Santun for example. If I didn’t have kids yet I don’t think I’d be so worked up over strangers being rude. And don’t say strangers, friends also. I’ve been friends with some people for years and years, and I’d obviously always known what they’re like. I was okay with the way they acted before but after having kids, I found my patience for certain antics had finally run thin.
I was a little troubled to be honest. I thought how come I was okay with this behavior before but now all of a sudden, I’m not and get so annoyed? They’ve always been like that and I’ve always been fine with it — why now am I not? I’d already known what they’re like ma so it’s my fault that I’m angry, not theirs.
And Ciku put it very succinctly. It is us, not them. And what changed was us having kids. It’s as if with kids, all my patience has been used up by them and I don’t have any more left for adults. Because our expectation has become that adults should know better than kids, and therefore should behave better.
I am trying to not be so judgmental because nobody likes a judgmental bitch wtf but it’s hard. I keep thinking my kid would know not to do this, so why wouldn’t you, as a grown-up?
5. Every time I’m stuck at home for too long I want to leave the kids for a little while but when I’m out, I just want to come back and curse myself for leaving them
And then I get angry at whoever/whatever is preventing me from coming home quickly. I can never win.
6. I’m super lackadaisical with germs/danger etc
On a scale of 1 to 10 of paranoia, I think I’m at -2. Partly because my personal motto is basically Alfred Neuman’s – “what, me worry?” and partly because I don’t want to be that crazy paranoid mother who prevents her children from doing everything because “it could be dangerous” I don’t want him to remember a childhood of No’s and miss out on having great kid adventures! Also I’m scared if I keep saying no or telling him of bad things that could happen, I’d stem his curiosity and create irrational fear in him.
So unless he’s holding a knife, I usually don’t tell Fighter no. I just tell him to be careful, let him touch and explore whatever he wants and wash his hands later. Also, I expose him to discomfort a little bit at a time so he understands. For example, I kept telling him the water dripping out of our distiller was hot but he didn’t want to listen. He kept on wanting to touch it.
So I let him touch the water WTF. And he screamed the house down. :X But after that every time I told him something was hot, he believed me and never fought to touch it again. Or if he did, he’d graze his fingers on it quickly and remove them. Letting him experience it himself definitely taught him more effectively than just telling him.
But then this laissez faire attitude backfired la when we took Fighter to an indoor playground and he contracted stomach flu and then passed it on to all of us wtf. So after that incident I started sanitizing any public surfaces he might touch hahaha sigh. But overall I still believe my chin chai parenting is on the right track hahaha.
7. The same goes for food
Super chin chai with food too. After Fighter turned a year old, I fed him Mcdonald’s fries and nuggets. I also give him sugar and chocolate and ice cream and random junk food. :X *waits to be judged
I give it in moderation la not so bad! But maybe my moderation equals to other people’s extreme-tion wtf. I know plenty of mothers who don’t let their kids touch outside food at all and everything has to be home made/home grown/home fertilized wtf.
Again, why I let him try everything is because I don’t want him to get used to a certain kind of taste and texture only. I want him to be adventurous with food (so I don’t have a hell of a time getting him to eat) ]. I think it worked! Cos he’s always eager to try anything I give to him; if he doesn’t like it he may spit it out, but he’s always happy to just take a bite rather than refuse at the start. He’s also okay with most different textures.
So those are my Mom Confessions.
What are yours? (if you’re a parent la wtf. If you’re not also never mind can anyhow confess anything hahahaha)
Recently someone alerted me to the passing of a law in a country outside of Malaysia. The law covers harassment in the online sphere – including online sexual harassment, cyberbullying and unlawful stalking.
You know what the interesting thing is?
In the exact word during the passing of the law, here’s what the Minister of Law said:
In another case, cyberbullies targeted the baby of a blogger. The blogger had given birth prematurely because there was a life-threatening condition during the pregnancy. Cyberbullies called her baby an ‘alien’. They said the baby should be euthanised. This was really quite sickening behaviour. It comes from basic bullying instincts of some, unchecked by any notion of civil conduct, and aided by anonymity.
Wah! My case leh!
Basically for those who are not in the know, when Fighter was born and was in the NICU, we posted his photos on Instagram because…. well because we loved him. He was our newborn baby who we’d fought hard to bring into the world safely and he was doing a fantastic job fighting to be healthy and grow.
Obviously we were happy and excited and worried at the same time and we wanted to share it with our followers…. and then those two crazies appeared.
They suggested all sorts of things – like Fighter was an ‘alien’, that I was a druggie which is why Fighter was born like that, that Fighter should be ‘euthanized’. -_- My full blog post on it here.
Anyway there was a pretty big uproar over the behavior those two subhumans, and it even appeared in the Singaporean papers! Which is I guess why the Singapore government unanimously passed this law.
Quite cool right!!!! I can say Fighter and I contributed to the passing of a real life law in a real country okay hahahaha bucket list checked lol.
I sometimes think that there should be a higher level of accountability when it comes to online identities.
For example, you’re not allowed to register for a social media account or email address unless you can legitimately connect it to your real identity. Therefore everyone is responsible and liable for what their actions, as is the case in the real world.
Obviously there’s a lot to consider and counter arguments to this as well. Not gonna go through the ethics and logistical implementation of this right now la, but the truth is, people feel a sort of liberation when it comes to being online.
Why ah?
Is it some evil basic human instinct to wanna do something (online, it’s leaving comments) that will cause someone else pain or trouble? Does that make people feel good about themselves? Do you feel superior and happier when someone else is down.
And better still, you don’t have to be accountable! Wanna be Satan and create havoc online? Can ah and you don’t even need to answer for it!
Or is it when you’re hiding behind a keyboard and a screen and you don’t see your victim, it’s much easier to inflict pain? Take for example an officer sitting behind a computer board. All he has to do to kill is press a button and somewhere a bomb will detonate. People die but you don’t see them so it’s like characters in a video game. I’ve never been in this situation but I’m guessing it’s a whole lot easier than running up to someone on a battlefield and stabbing them with a bayonet, then having to see their dying face and knowing you caused it.
It’s the same when it’s cyber bullying. You don’t physically see the hurt you cause your victim, so you’re absolved from the guilt and your conscience that would normally govern your behavior. Just create an anonymous account and nobody will know it’s you and you can still have your good guy image.
Like those two horrible fellas who cyber bullied us. I really cannot imagine anyone saying the things they did to another person, face to face. Yet they clearly felt okay typing all this on Instagram.
MCMC (Malaysian Communications and Multimedia Commission) is actually running an awareness campaign about responsibility while being on the Internet – “Klik dengan bijak” and asked if I would share my story which is what got me writing this.
The Internet is the biggest part of our lives now (Captain Obvious) so I’m sure everyone has had some sort of encounter with cyber bullying and other irresponsible actions and has felt it. It can be as small and petty as a comment saying “Ugly eyebrows” or something as serious as asking me to put my baby to ‘sleep’. -_-
Besides laws and fear of punishment, the only thing that’s keeping humans from doing the wrong thing is our conscience. Without a conscience (and maybe intellectual thought), we’re no better than animals.
So click wisely. Think before you leave a nasty comment – would you say this to the person next to you? How would you feel if someone said that to you? What are you hoping to achieve?
And to spite those haters, here’s Fighter now at 18 months. Thriving and handsome yo! And his theme song is Gloria Gaynor “I Will Survive” hahaha.
#klikdenganbijak
Which is what being a mom of more than one is about wtf. Balance!
Two and a half weeks in and the one thing that really stands out being a mommy of two is….
The guilt.
Did I think it would be this pervasive? Nope. Did I even consider I would be feeling this way? Not at all.
Balancing attention
It didn’t seem like it then but having one newborn back then was relatively simple. Sure there was a steep learning curve but when it comes down to it, all newborns need are regular feeds, burping, checking and changing diapers. When it’s none of the above, they’re asleep for most of the time (unless they have colic la then touch wood and FYL). And then you have your free time to stare at them, take lots of pictures and maybe google rniggling queries like “what’s the best way to burp a baby” or “why does my baby grunt at night”.
The second time round, you have to do all of the above. But with a hollering toddler clinging to your knees.
So there’s the feeding, pumping, burping, changing diapers 4000x a day, wiping spit up, the daily bath. And then for the toddler, there’s the wrestling into and out of the bathroom for the bath, either chasing him around the house wielding a spoonful of food, or cringing when he tries to feed himself but most of the spoon ends up on the floor or down his clothes because he refuses to wear a bib. And then the wrestling him back into the bathroom for his second bath thanks to all the food stuck on him. Or the careful watching while he stumbles around the house and praying he doesn’t put his hands into the toilet bowl again.
So the entire day is filled with these two. And that’s fine. I even have a nanny and confinement lady without whom I wouldn’t have survived these past weeks.
But the problem is, when I’m tending to one child, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not there for the other.
So if I’m feeding Penny in the room, I’m wondering what Fighter’s up to downstairs even though the nanny is watching him. If he’s yelling happily downstairs I’ll worry I’m missing some milestone or if I happen to be hormonal, I’d be like “WHY IS HE HAPPY WITHOUT ME DOES HE LIKE NANNY MORE” WTF.
Or if I’m feeding or playing with Fighter downstairs and the confinement auntie goes upstairs to bathe Penny or change her diaper I’d be like maybe I should be there while she gets her diaper changed… even though I trust the auntie. Or maybe I should sit by her basket and watch her sleep instead of chasing Fighter around the house.
It’s not rational but it never ends! Any time I give attention to one kid, I instantly feel bad because I’m not there for the other. Wish I could clone myself wtf. So each kid has one mom to themselves hahaha.
Balancing the sibling relationship
It’s not just about dividing my attention either. Penny is obviously too young to know any better but it’s been a pretty precarious few weeks managing Fighter’s feelings and relationship with his sister.
He’s mostly neutral and indifferent towards her — she’s just a bundle sleeping quietly in the basket most of the time, after all — but sometimes he can be persuaded to touch her gently (he does this by stroking her head with one finger hahaha). And tonight before bedtime he actually gave her a kiss on her head!
But other times when he sees me carry her or nurse her, he’ll try to pull her away from my arms WTF. And then try to insert himself into her space. O_o Or at the very least, if I’m holding her, he’ll come up and put his hand on my shoulder and try to get me to hug him too.
I’ve found that distracting him — talking and singing to him, and giving him kisses — while still holding her helps sometimes. When that fails I gotta pass Penny to nanny and carry him to prevent a meltdown. :X
A lot of people told us to do the “present trick” – to buy a present, wrap it up and give it to him, telling him it’s from his baby sister. But we didn’t do it because he doesn’t understand the concept of presents yet, much less enjoy it so it would defeat the purpose.
Balancing opportunities
Specifically, travel opportunities. Fatty and I haven’t gone anywhere in nearly a year and we have cabin fever wtf. We really want to take a nice break somewhere. But do we go just the both of us? Should we bring Fighter because it’s better to miss one child than to miss two? But isn’t it unfair to Penelope? But she won’t know any better. But then do we really want to start this habit of bringing out one kid over the other? Can I really stand being away from my baby girl?
The guilt never ends. -____________-
Balancing husband wtf
This one not so bad yet but I need to keep reminding myself not to get too caught up with the two babies until I forget about Fatty wtf. He once accurately identified my love language as spending quality time together. And I never realized it but after he said it, it’s true! I miss spending quality time as a couple without someone squalling in the background wtf. But right now with confinement and still getting into the groove of things, we still have another 1-2 weeks to go. But I want my quality time and I don’t wanna neglect him!!!
Because the guilt never ends. -____________-
So I guess that’s life as a mommy of two in a nutshell. It’s all about the guilt. And second guessing myself. And it will probably never end wtf.
But then when I see scenes like this…
And this…
And this…
I guess it’s worth it. 🙂
Hello everyone!
Last night I had seven hours of sleep (albeit broken up into three pieces) so I’m feeling gooooood.
So I have been a mommy of two for… *counts* fourteen days now.
*gasp* What, I am two weeks old now? I sure wasn’t born yesterday wtf.
It’s still so weird to think I’m a mother of two! People with “mother of two” titles are usually aunties (like uhhh my mom is a mother of two as well hahahaha) but maybe I’m in denial of my true auntie status. FML.
But I guess that I am, that I am. I have a toddler (19 months old as of Penny’s birth) and a newborn. *clutches at own face
Obviously ever since coming home from the hospital things have been hectic and the days and nights are all melding together but honestly it could have been worse. My confinement lady is here and she takes care of Penelope a lot, plus our nanny helps with Fighter (especially cos I’m now a full time cow) so I have a lot of support la!
I thought I’d be going to hell in a handbasket with two kids but so far so good. Although ask me again in a few weeks when the confinement auntie departs you might hear me answer from below ground wtf.
Anyway here’s what’s been happening lately…
My recovery
I did a C section for both babies but surprisingly the recovery this time has been a lot quicker and smoother! Even my doctor was surprised cos I’m two years older than I was before plus this is the second incision yo.
But she said I was very ill the last time which could have made me feel weaker and more in pain overall. Also uhh this time I dutifully took my painkillers; last time I stopped them very early on cos I thought they didn’t make a difference. Turns out they do wtf.
Last time it took me a week before I could walk upright (not even 180 degrees upright ok, maybe like 160 degrees) with minimal pain but this time, on the second day I was walking very slowly upright already!
My right side still hurts a bit though when I get out of bed in the morning but the doctor examined me yesterday and she said no infection or swelling so it’s probably a muscle pulling or something.
Fighter’s reaction
His first first reaction when he saw Penny for the first time ever was in hospital. He went, “AYEEE!!!” and instantly tried to reach for her.
Unfortunately, toddlers don’t know their own strength. He clawed at her face happily and uhh we adults may have panicked and raised our voices in fear a bit. Then since then he’s been reluctant to touch her even if we gently hold his hand and guide him to pat her. 🙁
He was always pretty happy to see her in the hospital but when we brought her home and carried her, it finally occurred to him that THIS IS COMPETITION YO.
A few times whenever one of us carried Penny, Fighter would either whine or try to get someone else to carry him. Lol damn kiasu cannot lose like that.
Once I was breastfeeding Penny in my room and Fighter woke up and cried for someone in his room. So I got him to come in to my room, while I fed Penny. I kept talking to him and paying him attention while I held her, and lo and behold he wasn’t unhappy! He was smiling like crazy actually – I think he was just worried he’d lose the attention to her so he was probably relieved that even though mommy is carrying Penny, she’s still paying attention to him.
Nowadays if I feed her and he’s around, he just comes over and puts his hand on my shoulder or back, but doesn’t show any unhappiness. ^^
But most of the time when she’s sleeping in her basket or rocker he just ignores her wtf.
However! When she vacates her rocker (which was Fighter’s rocker as a baby, but which I don’t think he even remembers sitting in)….
Fighter attacks!
Damn annoying seriously hahahaha. Like I said I really don’t think he remembers this as his rocker but he just wants to try whatever she’s having.
He also tried to drink from her milk bottle once LOL.
Chilling in Penny’s rocker and watching TV hahahaha nonsense this boy.
Doing things for the second time
You’d think it’d be easier the second time round but not true! It’s like I forgot everything that I learned in taking care of a newborn and had to relearn everything again. Having one kid doesn’t really prepare you for the next I think.
Penny’s style is quite dissimilar to Fighter’s. Fighter initially didn’t know how to suckle (cos he was born so premature) but one day he just searched my chest with his mouth, caught on, and from then on breastfeeding was a breeze.
Whereas for Penny I nursed her from day 0 and for the first week or so, she didn’t latch well at all! I dreaded every nursing session cos it’d be me against her struggling to get her to open her mouth wide enough, to suckle correctly instead of just sucking on the tip, trying to wake her up when she falls asleep two seconds later wtf. We’d take sometimes up to an hour and I’d feel defeated and exhausted at the end cos she didn’t seem to have drank anything. T_T Then the nurses or the confinement lady would have to cup feed her to make sure she was full.
Plus I’d totally forgotten how it is to breastfeed. O_o I had to relearn holding techniques, what a proper latch feels like (not nipples on fire wtf), how to burp (still suck at it) and everything! The only thing that came back to me like second nature was pumping wtf. -_-
Anyway, I think she’s stronger this week or something cos she’s latching much better! Her latch is a lot stronger plus she drinks consistently for longer. So I’m a lot happier and more relaxed too. 😀
I was worried that I wouldn’t have enough milk this time but I guess I have nothing to worry about wtf. Right now I only pump for 10-12 minutes every 4-6 hours cos I don’t want oversupply issues if Penny isn’t drinking a lot. But I still yield 200+ ml each time wtf so okay milk spa yo.
MOMMY OF TWO OMG
Ok that’s all! Going back to pumping wtf.
edit: written while still pregnant
As you know, being pregnant can wreak havoc on skin. Some women get glowing skin, while others get acne FTL.
The skin on my face stays relatively the same but the rest of my body gets dry. Already I struggle with dry skin on a normal basis, with pregnancy a bazillion times worse la. *cries
This past few days my skin gets dry until I got rashes. T________T
Anyway besides pregnancy you know what causes dry skin (which can result in itchy uglier skin)?
1. Air conditioning
No surprise cos you always wake up with dry skin after sleeping in an air conditioned room the whole night.
2. Swimming
Swimming so healthy but the chlorine in pools can also strip off the skin’s natural oils. 🙁
3. Sun exposure
Er not that we have a choice here in hot sunny Malaysia. Also on the other hand, sunlight is good for Vitamin D too. :/
4. Haze/Pollution
There’s pollution and dust everywhere which is unavoidable. This will irritate the skin, causing it to dry out and age prematurely. D:
5. Showers
IKR. Dirty skin also cannot, skin that is too clean also cannot. But showers (especially hot ones which I love) can dry out your skin too! Hot water strips natural oils from skin faster than cold or warm water, while soaps and body washes also destroy your skin’s natural oil barrier.
Basically, the squeaky clean feeling you get after using soap means that your skin’s natural oils have been removed. When this layer of oils (called the acid mantle barrier) is damaged constantly with soap, we end up with dry, unhealthy skin. 🙁
All these factors are part of daily life. Some of them – like exposure to sunlight and showers – are not even necessarily a bad thing, just that the side effect is damage to our skin.
I’m not a big swimmer wtf but I sleep in aircon! And I need to shower obviously wtf.
What to do?
Keep yourself hydrated (by drinking lots of fluids) and moisturized!
I was recently introduced to Physiogel.
Physiogel is a skin care brand prescribed by dermatologists all over the world. It repairs, rehydrates and revitalises sensitive skin with the DMS (Derma Membrane Structure) technology. Actually I’d always heard of it cos I have friends with eczema who actually use this brand for their skin but never tried it before.
Physiogel uses a special technology called DMS (Derma Membrane Structure) which contains lipids that are structurally similar to our skin’s natural lipids (oils). Because it’s so similar, Physiogel more effectively rehydrates skin.
My favorite product of the range!
There’s also a cream variant for dryer skin but I think my skin not so bad, still okay with lotion hahaha. Hypoallergenic, no colorants, preservatives, fragrance or emulsifiers. Goes on smoothly with no smell and no sticky after effect.
I like it that it’s a proper medical product and not just made of a good marketing campaign. 🙂
Thank you Physiogel! Now my skin is ready for anything.
*This is a sponsored post. Products shown in this posting was provided by GSK for the purpose of this write up. All views expressed here are personal to the blogger.
So here’s the story of my labor with Penny. Way less dramatic than with Fighter but scary to me nonetheless hahaha.
Last week I was fully expecting to have a scheduled C section after my 36th week checkup. Cos my BP was so far controlled by medicine only and we didn’t want to risk it further especially cos 37 weeks is considered full term already and IUGR babies have a higher risk the longer they’re inside.
So I was totally prepared for a scheduled C section where I could errr further prepare for it… in preparation wtf.
So my next appointment with the obgyn was supposed to be Monday to do some last minute checks and discuss a date for the C section.
On Saturday night (early Sunday morning) I jolted awake cos what felt like water was pouring out between my legs. O_O
At first I thought it was just heavy discharge (sorry TMI, men) and blearily grabbed a tissue off the side table and just wiped. And closed my eyes again.
Next minute they popped open because I felt another gush. O_O This was at 3 am.
Leaped out of bed, ran to the toilet to wipe and it just looked like a very clear watery substance. Then I felt more dripping out.
Could this be… my water breaking? O_O
All trembly, I went slowly back to my bed and started googling, “how to know if you’re in labor” wtf.
I still wasn’t sure at this point because movies always showed it as if the water just gushes out like from a drinking cup. Mine was just coming out in small spurts and drips. But it said if in doubt to check with your midwife or to just go to the hospital.
So I gingerly tapped Fatty and said, “I think my water broke.”
And Fatty efficiently went to brush his teeth and change clothes wtf.
Meanwhile I was sitting on the toilet bowl cos water was still dripping out of me wtf, my bag half packed. Fatty helpfully asked, “What do you need? I help you pack.”
“Uhhh… makeup” wtf. Because I want Penny to see me pretty ok wtf. And we need to take pictures ok hahaha.
Anyway, by the time we got dressed and ready I was starting to feel slight twinges in my back. Which turned into definite waves of cramps by the time we got to the hospital. 4 am.
Checked into the labor ward, got hooked up to the machine that checks contractions. Was told my obgyn would be coming in after seven only.
Over the next few hours…. I was half in agony already. I say half because it was probably one of the worst pains I’ve felt in my life… but I still knew there was more to come. The cramps were coming in every two minutes and while the pains were bad, I knew it would get worse. I also knew I wasn’t at the max of my tolerance yet but I didn’t know how much worse it would get.
At 5 am I was like GIMME ALL THE DRUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At 6 am, the anesthetist (from my previous delivery) came and gave me an epidural.
And in ten minutes the pain subsided. T___________T
Because of all this – the contractions and everything, I was expecting a natural delivery now, instead of a C section. And I was frustrated and scared. I’d prepared myself for another C section and had made peace with that but now with the thought of a vaginal delivery, I was terrified. I didn’t know what to expect, having never read up on it and just wasn’t in the right frame of mind for it.
When my obgyn came in, she checked my dilation.
I was at 1 cm WTF. And my water bag apparently hadn’t even burst! I think it was just leaking a bit, but I didn’t ask more.
She told us, we could wait another 3 or 4 hours to see how much further I’d dilate. And then we would decide if we were to try a vaginal delivery or just C section. She wouldn’t push me too hard on going for a natural birth cos of my high blood pressure and the fact that I had a pretty recent C section scar. Also, there was a significant amount of protein in my urine by then which meant the preeclampsia had kicked in big time.
The other option was to just go for a C section right away.
But if we waited 3/4 hours she estimated I’d be maybe 3-4 cm dilated and I’d have another 10 hours or so ahead of me to wait further. I didn’t think I wanted to or would be capable of that to be honest. 🙁 And if I wasn’t dilated enough or anything else went wrong, I’d still have to do an emergency C section.
So we decided to just go with the C section.
The anesthetist pumped me up with more anesthetic. I kept telling him, “you sure I won’t feel anything ah? Better give me more ah” wtf damn annoying hahaha. Cos in my head, epidural was for vaginal births so what if it wasn’t strong enough for surgery! Stupid dunno why I doubt a specialist lolol.
I think he must have been annoyed and given me enough to knock me out for two days wtf. #truestory
Surprisingly, this time the OT didn’t feel as cold as before. And I managed to stay awake enough to note what was going on.
I was numb from waist down. I remember my doctor asking if I felt her pinching me very hard and I didn’t. I remember her saying she was cutting and soon I would feel some tugging.
I felt the tugging.
And then I think Fatty, who was sitting next to me breathed, “she’s out.”
I remember holding my breath, waiting for her to take her first. Then I heard a lusty baby’s cry.
And then she was in my arms.
Penny’s first photo with us. 🙂
And that was it. It was over in less than an hour.
Made with . All rights Reserved. Colony.