AudShopping AudVanity Audvertorial

Like a virgin

I only found out a couple of days before the event that we were all supposed to wear costumes to the Nuffnang VPOST Christmas Party in Singapore.

What made matters worse for me was the theme — we all had to dress according to one of the letters V, P, O, S or T.

And this Yat had to assign me the letter V!!!

I asked Yat “V? What stands for V? Vagina?” WTF

He said “vampire, violinist, virgin…”

I said “ooo virgin!”

I told KY about it and he went “HAHAHAHAHAHAH” *annoyed

I told Kenny about it and he said “good idea wear white and splash some red paint on you” WTF

I googled Madonna Like A Virgin and found this picture:

This is what I would go as!

I had two days to get my outfit!  And those two days were meant to be spent at work.

So guess who my costume angels were!

Hello Hui Jing and Hui Ting!

(Hui Wen I stole this off your blog *guilty)

(And I chose this pic to shift the spotlight to your sisters because cannot see your face WTF)

Hui Jing has a online clothes shop called Velvet Ribbon and when I was wondering where I could find a white wedding-type dress like in a day’s time wtf I immediately thought of Jing because the Hoe sisters have such interesting, one-of-a-kind taste in clothing:)

So I went to her website and lo and behold the first picture I saw was a poofy tulle white dress which would be perfect:)

I emailed her and sent her the picture of Madonna and asked her if she could help me get some long pearls, fishnets, lace gloves and maybe some tulle.  Sort of like forcing her to be my personal shopper wtf.

And she and Ting came through with everything!  The very next day everything was ready to be picked up and all I had to do was swing by after work to get it!

My skirt of tulle and stockings.

Super long strand of pearls that Hui Ting lent me plus a cross necklace of mine that I wrapped around my wrist.

(Stolen from Jasonmumbles!)

Me looking like a tool wtf but this is to show you the short lace gloves they sourced for me!  They were a bit big because my hands are the size of a toddler’s wtf but I safety-pinned them up I guess it adds to the whole Like a Virgin grunge bride look.

I also fashioned a huge piece of tulle into a big bow that went on the back of my head (not visible in picture)

But visible in this one!

A closer look at the dress.

I sewed (okay I mean my mother did wtf) another huge piece of tulle behind my dress as my train.

And this picture is up just because I look quite tall here wtf (explanation: Chee Ching took this picture from a lower level)

Um the Korean pop star rapper next to me is just my er… arm candy wtf.

So my outfit took two afternoons of shopping for Hui Ting…and one night of improvising and sewing for me and Mummy Ooi.

And it was all worth it because I won Best Dressed!  I was already very touched by Jing and Ting’s willingness to help me on such short notice to scrounge for clothes and now that the outfit they sourced won, what other reason could there be not to go check out cute, quirky Velvet Ribbon!

(Stolen from Kenny)

Us on stage during the Best Dressed contest and I am pulling up my stockings seriously my life is just full of fail moments wtf.

(Except when I won! wtf.  Thanks Nuffnang & VPOST!)

More on the party and Singapore later when I manage to steal everybody’s pictures.

AudSuay

Season of giving

Normally I love wrapping presents.

For all my untidiness and disorganization I am actually pretty good at cutting wrapping paper to exact sizes, making sure everything folds at 90 degree angles, folding paper to make perfect sharp ages and making the whole package look as smooth and pretty as possible.

But not this time.

This time I opened the huge roll of assorted wrapping paper from Memory Lane to find out that MEMORY LANE IS A WHOLE BUNCH OF CHEATS AND LIARS

There were 4 pieces of wrapping paper in the roll.  But I think to save money (AND CHEAT THEIR CUSTOMERS) each sheet of paper was only half the size of the normal ones!

So this is what I had to do!

This is actually quite a big present.  So as you can see, I had to use TWO wrapping papers wtf.

TWO papers which aren’t even of the same pattern T________T

Stupid Memory Lane!  How can bluff people like that!  See because of them I have to wrap my present with 2 contrasting papers damn ugly!

We’re playing Secret Santa and I am going to be so scolded tomorrow I can bet my life on that T__________T

And to make matters worse, Racheal told me about this Christmas tree hung with little paper stars and each paper star has a underprivileged child’s name on it, with what they want for Christmas written on it.

And you pick a star and fulfil the kid’s wish and have the present delivered to them.

So I picked an 8 year old girl called Anne and bought her gift.

And again the paper was too small to wrap her box!

I was thinking shit how can I give the poor girl some crappy miswrapped present!

And wonders of wonders I found a piece of the same exact wrapping paper in my house!  So I thought okay never mind at least the wrappers are the same I can just use two sheets to wrap and it will be fine.

And then!  My smart mother!  Very stingily said “eh this paper is too big let me cut it up to the right size”

And she cut it into the wrong size T___________T

Cut up the two small pieces into even smaller pieces T_________T

So in the end I had to wrap the present with not one not two not three but FOUR small pieces of paper T___________T

Check this out wtf.

Sigh one of the few things I’m good at and look at how it turned out T3T

Anyway on the topic of gifts look what I got recently!

Hello Kitty 2009 calendar!  Boss commissioned someone to buy it for me I think she thinks I’m too forgetful *shifty eyed

BEST PRESENT EVER!!!!

I love lolcats!!  Anyone who doesn’t know lolcats please go to http://www.icanhascheezburger.com you won’t regret it T_____T

I love it more than King Julien in Madagascar!  And god knows I love King Julien wtf.

When I got it I brought it to show off to Ally and Jammie  *proud

And they both squealed and Ally even dribbled watermelon juice over it while Jam dropped chocolate cake on it wtf.

AudRubbish

Back from Macau!

I’m back from Hong Kong!

Will update more tomorrow because it is raining very heavily now I must go sleep before it peters off!

But first a sneak peek… at Disneyland Hong Kong!

My pictures are back to normal size!

The point is to show you the Disney bedroom slippers on my feet!  Not very clear but there’s a gold embroidered Mickey head on each slipper very cute!

Not surprising that I stole the slippers (so did Tim wtf)

And a Disney pen!  Was contemplating taking the bathrobe and notepad paper too but better not develop thieving habits.

We bought books to entertain us on the flight there and back.

It is clear which book belongs to who.

That’s right, everybody wtf.

Ok la sleep first!

P/S: I don’t get why everyone goes on and on about how P/S I love you is so damn good and Cecilia Ahern rocks their socks because I didn’t like her writing at all!  Very stilted and I kept getting pulled out of the scene to analyze what she was doing wrong because I thought it didn’t engage me at all!  Characters were too one-dimensional and Holly wallowed in self pity too much.   There were some mildly funny parts but I thought she was trying a bit hard to be funny!  AND I DIDN’T CRY AT ALL WHAT IS THIS

ME!  The girl who cried through 200 or so pages of the Kite Runner, and watched and cried through half of Walk to Remember  TWICE and who sobbed with Angela “uhuk uhuk” when we watched Ghost together.

So all in all it sucks and if this is what the book is like I can’t imagine how terrible the movie must be >((((

AudTourist

Cirque du Soleil & The Philistine

I am in Macau!  On holiday!  A much needed break from work I was falling sick so often and taking forever to get better each time T_T  Somore everyone else at work will be going to Japan on holiday except me T_____T Because I’ve already been to all the places they’re going to don’t waste money and time la aih.

Anyway yesterday I got the chance to watch the Cirque du Soleil which is something I’ve always wanted to go for!

Cos I always watched clips of it on tvs in electric appliance stores wtf and every time I would tell Fat Her I need to go watch this  sometime in my life.

And yesterday walking around the hotel I saw huge ass posters of it and said “Ah Bah!  We have to go!”

“But why? I want to go watch the topless show next door” (whiny voice)

I cleverly said “No no you don’t understand this is the best circus in the world” (lying)

“Really? Okay let’s go then” (easily cheated)

So we went!

And it was really pretty!

It was full of acrobatics and leaping and dancing and singing.  (although all in French because obviously it’s a French production)

But I am never ever going to watch another performance with him ever again.

Honestly I think he is the reincarnation of the Three Angry White Men rolled into one.  So he is technically Angry Asian Man to the Power of 3 wtf.

He lolled about on his seat and muttered to himself.

When I asked him what, he said “I can’t take this seriously!  They are tied to strings for safety”

I said “Of course la!  If they fall then how!  This is just them being smart”

“NO LA! They’re using the strings to help them land!” and etc etc.

When a troupe of dancers came out wielding sticks with fire on both ends, he said “Please la I’ve seen the Indian man at the Curve do that too” and “Some more the indian man ate the fire (WTF) I don’t think these people are going to eat their fires” WTF.

And when they pushed out huge trampolines and did a jumping leaping routine across the stage on them, he muttered “the only way they can make this up to me is if they let me jump on the trampoline” WTF hahahaha damn angry!

At least with Angry White Man #3 (David) he liked musuems and we mapped out all the musuems and temples in Kyoto to visit.

With Angry Asian Man, everything to do with culture was off-limits wtf.

What am I doing in Macau with him!

When I spotted the Musuem of Macau, he spent 10 minutes trying to convince me not to go in.

His reason: what if we get hungry WTF.

But I perservered!  The musuem was on the history of Macau and I am an East Asian history major how could I not go in besides I love musuems!

With a mock (AND PINK) setup of how a house built by the Portuguese would look like.

And of course Ah Bah the Philistine wtf yawned through the entire musuem and I think the highlight of his day was when he spotted this:

So funny and interesting *warmly wtf

Ok will blog more when I get back I hate using Macs.

Audvertorial

Girls Day Out

Omg this is the best best best advertorial I ever had to write!

Two weeks before I was already anticipating it and canceling all other plans.  I was so excited cos it had every single thing that I like about life! (and being a girl)  And I didn’t even cut my nails or toenails WTF just for it (you shall see)

So ahem let’s get started on the Maxis Broadband Girls’ Day Out.

*deng deng deng
Early Saturday morning, we all gathered at Pavilion and each of us were handed a Dell laptop fitted with  a Maxis broadband connection each.

The 8 of us!  Cindy, Ringo, me, Cynthia, RedMummy, Karen, Jolene & Kim.

Maxis had arranged a whole super girly fun day for all of us and our laptops and our first stop was My Diamond.

They were going to educate us about diamonds because diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

(Educating us on how to tell a fake Vuitton from a real one would have been equally useful in pirated Malaysia)

Everyone so pretty and graceful (AND TALL) while I am not T_T My mother said I am a disgrace wtf.

To be honest I don’t know much about jewelry.  Possibly too young (and too poor) to appreciate of covet jewels yet.

So I snapped pics of myself while everyone else was taking pics of precious stones (possibly Ringo is also not very interested diamonds look at her popping in wtf)

Kim & Karen & Jolene very fascinated with diamonds (they are true women).

Me & Cindy decide that we are prettier (and more inexpensive) than diamonds wtf.
After we were done with the diamonds, we all whipped out our laptops cos we were all dying to check them out and go online.

Just look at the bunch of us!

Cindy, Ringo & I realized we all love pink and are hopelessly narcissistic =.=

Special effects pic (and all the other super good quality ones) courtesy of John and his big ass camera.

Shameless self promotion.  But look at the laptops aren’t they pretty!  On my lap it doesn’t look that small wtf but when everyone else holds you realize it is actually tiny!

I am so tempted to steal mine if not for the thought of jail WTF.

After we were done at My Diamond, we headed over to Stage.

Stage is actually a Malaysian brand but they source all their products from all over the world, depending on which country produces which cosmetic/makeup tool best.

At Stage they were going to give us a step by step workshop on how to apply makeup.

The vast array of things we had to play with.

Some of which I couldn’t reach had to stand up cos table too long wtf.

But first good lord they made everyone strip off their makeup!

I told everyone whoever puts up suppin (makeupless) pictures of me on their blog is dead wtf.

But for the sake of encouraging people to use makeup (see what it does for me!) I will post this pic up anyway.

Eyebags are big enough to store things in HAHA good joke Aud wtf.

Kim without makeup is still a pretty Kim!

Only way my eyebags won’t show is if I pretend I just had Botox done and wipe away all signs of expression on my face wtf.

Putting on ze makeup.

Everyone else putting on ze makeup.

Stage makeup experts helped some of us.  (Do you notice how everything RedMummy wears is red!  And how her laptop bag is red too and even her hairclip!)

Before and after makeover!  I TOLD YOU LOR POWER OF MAKEUP you can all close your mouths now!

Q: Are we pretty?
A: Yes wtf.

I love this pic of all of us!  Cindy damn good at posing must be from MDG wtf.

With RedMummy! Everyone at their best.

Back to obsessing over computer over lunch.

After lunch was shopping at Cats Whiskers Bangsar!

Jolene and her sexy legs and sexy white shirt dress (which she bought yay!)

I guess I am not a real girl again because I finished looking for stuff in like 10 minutes and sat down to rest wtf while everyone else tried on more and more clothes and snapped pics of each other in new clothes *left out wtf

And then they brought us to get our nails done!  This is why I didn’t cut mine wtf.  I was so excited about this!  Cos normally I wouldn’t pay to have my nails done so this is a real treat!

(The girl who did mine quite cute)

(Whoops laptop nearly fell off chair)

Oh ya and the pedicure was very nice too except for the part they scrubbed my soles with what looked and felt like sandpaper and I screamed with laughter and stuffed my towel into my mouth and Cindy didn’t get it and said “why are you laughing Zohan is not that funny” wtf.


We all had a tub to soak our feet in too mmm damn nice!  And we sat there and watched Zohan and cringed in disgust I don’t understand why guys said its funny it is disgusting and unappealing and this is coming from a firm advocate of toilet humor ok wtf.
So relaxing I nearly fell asleep!

Finished product!  I chose a silvery base with pink French tips and white polka dots and it’s damn cute!  But after that I thought it looks like the mushroom from Mario wtf.


The Apartment for dinner!


RIngo’s gold and glittery nails, Jolene’s M & M’s, Cynthia’s classic French manicure and my Mario mushroom.


So that was it for our girly Maxis Day Out!

Everyone went home tired but happy wtf.


Brought to you by Maxis and Aud Ooi wtf.

AudRubbish AudShopping Funny Fat Her stories

Owatta

JLPT is over!

No more memorizing grammar!

No more doing exercises!

(Picture for illustration purposes see my pencil point not even pointing on anywhere meaningful)

I spent the past week cramming for it.

But I’m pretty sure I failed WTF.

Working and trying to study for something is a lot harder than I thought it would be. 🙁

Took a break to meet up with the cousins who are back from Melbourne.

Btw has anyone noticed my hair color!

It is no longer ah lian blond/orange/brown/shit color! wtf.

And it wasn’t supposed to be this dark either!  I was sick at home last week and bored of doing nothing so I asked my mom to DIY dye my hair for me.

The box said Light Warm Brown okay!

And after I washed my hair it came out black WTF

Ok la not black but very very dark brown.  I haven’t had hair this dark in ages!  Cos I dyed my hair after Form 5 and never looked back wtf.

I did consider going back to black (once you go black you never go back WTF) but I wasn’t sure how I would look with dark hair.  So I never got up the courage to do it.

So how serendipitious wtf because the light warm brown turned out to be dark warm brown and I quite like it for a change!

I look more expensive now WTF.  Ally said I look older too so I dunno if that’s a good or bad thing hmmmm.

Speaking of Ally, she’s gone mad wtf.

(That’s her in a strait jacket wtf.)  Ie. very very ugly dress that could double as props for N Sync I Drive Myself Crazy video wtf.

And me going crazy too wtf.

I dunno what’s wrong with all the stores in Telawi the clothes are all so damn ugly now!

Ok la maybe not ugly but they’re nothing I would wear T________T

I chose that one thinking maybe it would be quite cute if I wore it as a dress but as it turns out I just look like I’m wearing two pajama shirts to keep warm aih.

I found nothing to buy!  Except a pair of stud earrings =(

And what is with this vintage shit going around!  Sorry vintage lovers I know all of you have amazing taste and ability to mix and match and come out with unique outfits but I like nothing I see out there in the vintage sales or flea markets or whatever!

There is nothing cute or pretty or girly about real vintage pieces or vintage-inspired clothes to me:(  I am not a grandmother (grandma floral dresses that reach my shin) I am not a man or a horse jockey (drop crotch pants) I am not Madonna Like a Virgin (fluorescent sunglasses and clothing) and if I wear anything baggy it is going to be extra large on me and I can just move my shoulders a bit and the whole top will fall off me.

And most of the independent boutiques are trying to be very classic and vintage so where does that leave me:(  Can’t even go to Topshop and Zara because they don’t really fit wtf.  And I boycott F21 in Malaysia it’s daylight robbery wtf.

Ya let me just sew my own clothes la wtf.

With Jammie!

Verdict on dress: too big and weird cutting and quality

Cool picture except the person I thought was Ally is actually myself wtf.

Hello nice normal shot!  (Not like the dress wtf)

And for those who wonder how Fat Her looks these days, now you know. wtf.

AudAngry AudEmo

Race is not a contest

Hi guys it’s me being very serious again wtf.

I’m not sure at which point my post on “acting cute” turned into a venting place for people to say things anonymously about other races and ethnicities.

First there was the comment I pasted in my last entry.

And then someone else (presumably Asian because his IP is Malaysian wtf) left a comment on how he hated white people for some lame reasons which I deleted because I thought it was unnecessary, irrational and hateful.

Then I was talking to Elise and she told me she left a comment in my last entry but it didn’t show up so I checked my spam filter and sure enough, her comment was there, together with this other one:

Anonymous | neverdidnoharm@gmail.com | IP: 199.93.81.1

What the fuck is wrong with your face? Your eyebags are terrible.

/Fix/ them.

To say your makeup and your hair make up your self-esteem, you will probably die before the age of say… 34.

You look like every other generic ~**~asian~**~ girl out there so I don’t know why you think you’re so cute.

You might think that I’m a loser or some other bullshit, but you’ll learn that you’ll forever be alone.
If you DO find someone he will most likely beat your face in and you will never be beautiful, inside or out.

Enjoy your sad lonely life you worthless cunt.

==========================

Ok first three lines are negligible because they’re too stupid to even warrant a reply.

(But I have to admit he will most likely beat your face in and you will never be beautiful, inside or out was quite funny wtf hahahahaa why wanna beat my face in for T_______T)

But what hit me was the “asian” reference again.

Both this IP and the one who talked about Asians being ugly are American IPs.

At first I asked Elise, “so does it mean that they’re all sensitive about my post cos they act cute?”

Elise: I think a big part is because you are Asian and they just wanna say something racist for shock value la..
they wanna be all extreme and shit

I thought that was an interesting insight.

For another view on racism, Elise left me this link.

She asked me, “you read the Holyoke confessional right?”

The Holyoke Confessional is a site where Mount Holyoke students can leave anonymous confessions on anything they want.  I think there are sites like this for a lot of schools — I remember Oberlin, Amherst and i think Smith and Umass had them too.

And the sad part was that a lot of them were very extreme — xenophobic things like “you’re rich and you suck” and rich kids who would retaliate and say “I paid for my own tuition so why can’t you do the same” and “if you can’t afford this school you shouldn’t be here” or “international students are sucking up American money / don’t deserve financial aid”.  Things like that.

Elise said there was even one long post about how science students were smarter than humanities people.

I think there was also a huge confessional debate (debate is putting it nicely) that international students didn’t deserve to apply for the Laurel Fellowship (a scholarship to fund studying abroad) because they were already abroad.  [I was funded by the Laurel when I went to Japan.]

But what I remember the most about the Holyoke Confessional were the many many racist posts.  Things like “Which accent do you think it’s the worst?  Indian for me.” and “there are too many fucking Chinese at Moho” and dunno what else la.

I used to think maybe it was because Mt Holyoke is a very multiethnic community and I think nearly half? (I forget the figures) came from international or colored backgrounds.

But from these few blog comments I realize that racism (and stupidity) is inherent everywhere (not just in Malaysia… or South Africa wtf) and it’s sad and ironic that these two comments are from the US with Obama having just won.

Elise said, “I know a lot of people think those things inside their head.. you’ll be surprised at what bigots people can be.”

There’s this game Angela and I always play called “Would You Rather” and we take turns to ask each other stupid questions like ‘would you rather your boyfriend have no legs or be blind’ wtf or “would you rather be pretty and stupid or ugly and smart’

The other day I asked someone “would you rather get rid of hunger or hatred” and that person answered hunger but I think it really should be hatred.

AudAngry

Dellusional

Last year I wrote a post *click* on how much I hated girls who felt the need to act cute or dumb to get guys’ attention or approval.

I felt it was very demeaning (maybe because I graduated from Mt Holyoke wtf) for girls to portray themselves the dumber or weaker sex because I don’t think there is a need to at all.

I think by acting cute, girls are not only demeaning themselves but the men they are surrounded by as well.

Men today deserve a lot more credit than that — I think I am right in saying that men appreciate an intelligent funny girl, someone they can have meaningful conversations with a lot more than a girl who “sa jiaos” or whines or acts cute with nothing substantial to say.

What makes it even worse is that if the girl does NOT look cute or petite but still tries to act cute!  Why would you do that? Maybe if you look like a child, you think (wrongly) that the only way you can align your looks and your behavior thus getting people to like you more is if you ACT like a child.

But what if you don’t?  What if you look like a perfectly normal, maybe attractive young woman?  Why would you want to pout and bounce your fingertips T__________T Maybe to your boyfriend ok la during your private time but to your colleagues and acquaintances? T____________T

And today someone (a bit slow wtf) left a comment in reply to that entry.

Lemme paste it here.

Sam says:

  1. You’re an idiot.
    And asian of course, so you’re dellusional.

    I know you’re a midget and jealous of taller people but, tall girls are DEFINITELY more attractive than you midgets. And to top it off you’re asian, so you’re ugly.

Okay so now the issue isn’t about girls acting cute but about being racist wtf.

I never said tall girls weren’t attractive.  Please learn how to read.

Being Asian equates being ugly huh?  This person is clearly an Asian hater.

And who can’t spell “delusional’ right.

I can’t stand racists!

Sam should just have been in Mumbai instead of all those other innocent people *BIG SIGH

AudRubbish

22 more days!

God last night I worked till near 11 T_________T

But that’s the latest I’ve ever worked!

And it was okay cos a whole bunch of people were there with me.

And they were doing this!

Putting up the Christmas tree!

I ran back and forth between the tree and my computer to check my emails / change Christmas tracks wtf.

Mehlin said “ei we better get this done fast before these two kill each other.”

Cos we fight so much T__________T

In the picture we look pretty peaceful.

But in actual fact I was wrapping the tiny Christmas lights around myself and he was yelling at me “are you looking to get electrocuted again?” wtf.

This is Boss wearing his Santa hat.

LF & I missed him too much that we made a replica of him and when his phone rang we said “Eh Boss why don’t you pick up your phone” WTF.

Me entangling Christmas-themed hanging things.

Shit I just remembered a very good joke Mehlin made about me in this position but I better not put it down maybe offensive wtf.


The finished product!

What it looks like when the lights are off.

Isn’t it gorgeous!

A close up of the ornaments.

Christmas is coming!

God I can’t believe it’s nearly a year since I was in Angela’s house in Vancouver decorating HER tree  with Coco running around our legs and messing things up T________T

And now I’m in KL decorating a tree while fighting with people who won’t even let me sing Teresa Teng Ni Zen Me Shuo in peace T__________T

It seems so weird to see Christmas decorations and hear Christmas carols all around but no sign of snow or any cold air at all after 4 years of wintry countries.

(If you wanna talk about snow I guess there is the cotton wool they like to drape around to pretend it’s snow wtf)

(God I can never take a proper picture these days)

(And yes Mild I’m wearing your necklace ^____^ wtf)

But I am excited for Christmas in Malaysia!

Christmas means holidays! And god knows I need a break right now.  What’s everyone doing for Christmas!