This is a topic that was always in the back of my mind but never in the forefront of my mouth.

A lot of my entries lately have been about how tired or stressed I am, about receiving new responsibilities at work yadda yadda.

I’ve never been a very ambitious person to be honest.  Although I never articulated it, I think my philosophy in life is actually Hakuna Matata WTF.

It means no worries for the rest of your days wtf.

At school while I cared enough to want to do well (because I knew I could) part of me knows that if I’d tried harder, I could still have done better.  I did well enough to get into good schools and to get honors but I did the minimum required to get these things.  I’d be happy with a 92 even though I knew I could get a 95 or 97.  And I settled for a cum laude when I think I could have tried for a magna cum laude.

Now at work, I’m working hard although I cant really tell myself if it’s because of my innate desire to do okay-well and keep surviving, or if it’s because for the first time in my life, I really really want to do well.  Either ways I’m working harder than I ever did at school.

All my time and energy is given to work and while I find it quite commendable since I normally wont work hard if I can help it wtf, I find that I’ve had less and less time for myself because work takes up a big chunk of my life now.  All my intellectual capacity, stress and emotions are given to work and so I stopped thinking about anything else besides myself.

So when I came across this blog post, things fell into perspective for me.

It’s written by a Tibetan Buddhist monk called  Tsem Tulku Rinpoche.  To put it shortly, he is the founder of Kechara House, a Buddhist Association located in PJ.

He was also born in Taiwan to a Tibetan father and a Mongolian princess mother, grew up in the US, then moved to India to become a monk, eventually settling in Malaysia.

At first when I saw his picture, I was like ya typical monk dude.  Then I was like eh why monk got blog wan wtf.

Then as I went through his blog more, I realized he’s not a typical monk.

Will typical monks look like this!!!

*refrains from saying anything inappropriate about a man of god

That was when he was younger la now he looks like the 2^nd photo (pictures taken from Rinpoche’s blog)

Anyway this post isn’t about monks or religion or Buddhism or anything like that.  It’s about the Kechara Soup Kitchen.

Watch this video to know why soup kitchens like KSK are important.

When you live your life inside airconditioned houses, office and Pavilion, it’s kinda easy to not know that poverty exists in KL or homeless people live next door to you.

I am aware of underprivileged people and all that and I visited homes and donated to charities occasionally but in the midst of work and trying to get through everyday, I forgot that there are people worse off than me who would be happy to have my problems.  I felt super guilty about being so wrapped up in my own miniscule problems when other people are suffering so much more.

So Rinpoche’s blog really opened my eyes.  What I found interesting was that he didn’t start Kechara Soup Kitchen because of kindness (although that was probably one of the reasons) but because he ran away from home as a kid, he too had lived on the streets, experiencing poverty, physical abuse and offers to be a prostitute fhl so he knew what it felt like.

I’ve never seen a blog written by a monk either.  It was very interesting to get an insight into what he was thinking or experienced and it made me realize that monks/priests/insert religious title are just normal people who have just decided to dedicate their lives to god/religion.

My family is Buddhist/Taoist but I’ve never been very religious.  I only pray or put joss sticks when my mother asks me to, and Fatty is always scolding me for making jokes about religion and higher beings -_-I don’t believe in religion or religious doctrines; I don’t believe it’s which higher being you believe in that matters.  What matters is your actions and your thoughts.  And it should be your heart that urges you to make the right choices in life rather than a fear of retribution (whether in this life or the next)

But I do admire Rinpoche for what he’s trying to do – spread good through his teachings and his actions.

Huai Bin and I went over to Kechara’s office a few weeks ago after reading Rinpoche’s blog.  Guy in the middle is David who very kindly showed us around.

Saw more pictures of Rinpoche.  Seriously he quite hot leh.  Apparently his dream was to be a Hollywood actor before he joined the monkhood!

Anyway, the blog has inspired me to try to find more balance in my life rather than just being caught up with petty problems. When I was in school  I had all these big ideas of working to save the world, one person at a time and when I started work, all those good intentions were banished to the back of my mind.

Some people say that doing charity work is more for the donor’s selfish peace of mind than for the recipients’ good.  But I guess I have to start somewhere.

Huai Bin and I have decided to go with the Kechara Soup Kitchen one of these days while they deliver food to the poor in KL!  Quite nervous but we’ll let you know how it goes 😀

For more info on Kechara Soup Kitchen, anything Kechara or Rinpoche himself, go to his blog here at http://blog.tsemtulku.com

I’m kind of impressed that I haven’t blogged for nearly a week and I don’t feel the guilt!

Actually that’s being a trend in my life right now.

Less and less I’ve  been feeling the urge to put things up online or document my life.  Gone are the days when I was afraid that if I didn’t, I would forget what happens to me (actually problem still exists just that I don’t care now wtf)

Also gone are the days where I felt that I had to publish things somewhere for them to matter.  Does that make sense? Nobody does anything without a purpose, and my purpose was to say what i wanted to say and have people react to that.  And of course my purpose in posting up photos of myself was vanity wtf.

But lately I find myself whipping out my camera less and less.  I’ve stopped tweeting as much too D:  I still like having an avenue open where I can air my thoughts but less and less does it seem like a necessity.

Maybe it’s getting older.  Maybe I’ve subconsciously accepted that younger and prettier girls are taking over the blogosphere and I will have to give way gracefully while my dignity is still intact WTF.

I always thought that I would keep blogging all the way until someday if I become a mom (and if I ever get hitched wtf) and be a cute gyaru mama and take bloody cute pictures with a stroller wtf.

But maybe it’s something you outgrow as  I get older. The urge to document your life lessens and is just replaced by the urge to just focus on living it and giving it your best.  And right now that feels ok to me.

Or maybe because work is taking up all my intellectual capacity right now.

Yesterday was my boss and mentor’s last day at work.  I’m very happy for him cos he deserves some time to himself now and his family deserves time with him.  But at the same time I’m panicking and shitting bricks because that means that I’m left to lead the team.

(and yes I got a promotion :D:D A month or so ago!  Just never said it wtf)

But that means suddenly the responsibilities have all been shifted to my shoulders so I felt like I was drowning in a sea of mud for the past couple of weeks wtf.

But right now I think I am in a good place to create big things! To build and improve structures and make good things happen 😀  Again cannot reveal too much about work but for the first time I really feel like whatever I do now can matter and can change the things surrounding 🙂

Ok la so that’s all I wanted to say.  Who knows my blogging mojo might pick up.  Or it will just continue to fade away and this blog will be something to look back on and cherish 🙂