I got the vanity case! *clutches it to self*
Thank you, Chung Jia Min!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!!!
I spent the afternoon arranging all my makeup stuff in its compartments and organising each different cosmetic by its type. I will never be messy with my makeup again!
However, I did make a few surprising discoveries. For example, I have 3 mascaras, 2 eyelash curlers and 4 eyeliners (2 liquid and 2 pencil!). What am I doing with so many?!
Secondly, my Maybelline Lash Discovery Mascara smells.
It is quite disturbing. Luckily it is the worst of the lot, in terms of unsuitability with my eyebags.
But what’s EVEN more disturbing is this:
I spent about half an hour picking bugs out of the rice bin.
It is a disgusting job. But someone has to do it. It is almost as bad as pulling shit out of ikan bilis’ bellies.
The bugs were tiny and thank goodness they couldn’t fly. So even though my arms were perpetually covered in goose bumps, I continued picking them out of the beras.
Step 1: Stir rice, looking for small black specks in the middle of white sea
Step 2: Use fingernails to pick bug out
Step 3: Drop bug on scrap paper (you can use old SPM trial papers)
Step 4: Fold paper on top of bug and squash it to death. If you’re lucky you can hear a crack sound. I think that’s the bug’s back breaking.
After I couldn’t find anymore, me and Brother Ooi set up a system.
Apparently, these bugs lay eggs inside grains of rice. Then as the egg hatches and the baby bug stays inside the grain of rice and slowly eats its way out. So the rice grain will be left hollow after the bug grows up and gets out. Shit I’m getting goosebumps again thinking about it.
Anyway, the system was like this: Brother Ooi picks out rice grains that look greyish, because
the presence of the bug inside gives it a grey hue.
Sister Ooi then, with most macho-ness, uses her nail to crush the rice grain open thus exposing the bug inside. If it doesn’t move, I just drop it on the paper. If it does, I use a pencil to stab it to death.
Brother Ooi’s job requires: super sharp eyesight and nimble fingers
Sister Ooi’s job requires: super sharp nails and lots of guts
Food for thought: If the bugs are inside the rice grains itself, wouldn’t it mean that we would cook the rice and eat it together with the bug inside?
Nice.
::Rice bug itself::
::That is my hand. Am I macho or am I macho?::
::The murder weapon::
Food for thought: I actually saw the birth of a rice bug.
Brother Ooi handed me the rice grain. When I took a closer look, I saw a small hole in it and a rice bug trying to climb out. It’s head and four of its legs were out and it was struggling quite badly. We studied its efforts for some time.
Then Hero Audrey decided to give it a Caesarean. I crushed the rice with my nail and out fell the bug, in a tizzy trying to crawl away as fast as it could.
It did not seem to be grateful at all for the Caesarean I gave it.
I did not like its attitude.
Therefore I stabbed it to death with the pencil.
Good hair day!
And it was put to good use too, since I went all over KL and Sungei Wang, then to Vina’s house to HELP HER DO HER MAKEUP FOR A LEVELS PROM.
Bimbo-ism, ie. knowing how to wave a mascara wand around to create magic, is an essential skill. I should be Cho Chang.
Anyway, I didn’t actually do much, because I arrived at her place late, and her mum had already done most of it. But!
I APPLIED THE MASCARA FOR HER.
Ha ha ha! Mascara is my pride and joy.
But not when it runs.
Which happens to me alot.
Even though I always use waterproof.
My theory is that my eyebags are too big and therefore my lashes brush on them too often and the mascara rubs off.
Anyway, Vina was swept off to the prom, looking beautiful, by her Prince Charming, a bouquet of African daisies and a corsage. *wipes away tears*
Where the hell is my Prince Charming, bouquet of carnations and Louis Vuitton bag?
Back to the good hair day. It is too big a deal for Audrey the Airhead to bypass the subject. *fluffs curls*
It has been weeks since the last Good Hair Day!
And I owe it all to…….
Paul Mitchell Medium Hold Sculpting Lotion.
Yeah man! For people with curls, sculpting lotion is way better than mousse. It doesn’t give you the wet look and the curls look bouncier, sexier and I think it’s not so drying for the hair too.
Oh and Min, it didn’t do any damage to my baju. 😛
Pictures time!
::The famous luggage! Isn’t it gorgeous!::
::Me and Vina after all the makeuping and dressing. DON’T look at me, looks retarded::
::Pink Sakura from Kyoto! Why I put it in: (a) it’s pink, not the usual white sakura! (b) I just felt like uploading more stuff and (c) I miss Japan:(
By the way, “Maybe it’s her, maybe it’s Maybelline“? It is me, darling. 😛
People I meet online are getting weirder and weirder.
First up, we have Jamie from Perth, who started messaging me on Friendster recently.
He then proceeded to looking me up on MSN and chatting me up. The convo goes something like this.
J: yadda yadda yadda
A: blah blah blah
A: Eh who’s the baby in ur pic? (He has a baby photo for his MSN pic)
J: That’s my daughter.
Aud: Oh! Er, how old did u say u were again?
J: 20
A: how old is ur daughter?
J: less than a yr old
(J’s MSN pic changes to another picture of a baby)
J: This one leh? cute or not?
A: Cute…ur daughter oso issit?
J: No, that one is my son.
A: 0_0 Bloody hell when did he start reproducing? Oh.. so….your son and daughter which is one older?
J: Daughter…cute leh both of them?
A: (still in shock) ya ya cute. Eh wait just asking ar…so ru married?
J: hahaha nope.
A: eh, so ur studying rite? then ur gf leh? she also studying wan ar? how did he find a girl willing to give birth for him TWICE and not get hitched? Are the babies even from the same mother?!
J: ahahahahahha….. (doesn’t answer my question)
‘Nuff said.
The competition is another guy, also from Friendster who I think was in Taylor’s last year and had seen me around before. Let’s call him R.
Fast fact: He complimented me on my curls!! XD
R: So how’s life? How’s the bf?
A: Did I tell him I had one to scare him off? Erm..no bf lar
R: WHAT! lie!
A: (fear seeps into my bones) what? im not! i told u i have ar?
R: no lar, i thought girls have to have a bf wan:P
A: no lar dun have.
R: y dun have?
A: erm, didnt really meet any suitable ones? i dun go to coll mar..so the new people tat i meet are less lar.
R: wat about the ppl u’ve known some time? like ur frens?
A: aiyaa frens dun work out wan lar. not good to spoil the frenship by trying all this.
R: what about me? i would seriously date u. without question.
A: Uh-oh. Haha i dun know u tat well lar…
R: Ok, say if u did, would u go out with me?
A: what the fuck?! Erm, depends lar.
NUFF SAID!
FUCK! I stupidly deleted my entry myself! For some reason I highlighted the whole thing AND PRESSED DELETE.
I will remain calm.
I will remain gentle.
I will go to Nirvana.
I was trying to upload photos that I took today but failed. I don’t understand why! I’ve done it millions of times but tiba-tiba today the computer decided to beraksi with me and declared that so-and-so software is missing. WHO DELETED THE DAMN SOFTWARE I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW?!
Anyway, I am in a very depressed mood because now I can’t show you all pics of my latest prized possession…..
A SPANKING BRAND NEW BABY PINK SUITCASE!!!!
Plus, a handcarry suitcase complete with trolley handle in baby blue! *gloat gloat*
And that’s not all! I mean, that is all I got, but in the shop there was also this beautiful makeup case that comes with an adjustable mirror and little pockets to fit all my brushes and powder puffs!
And it only costs RM49! Anyone who is interested in getting me a farewell gift, that is the gift to buy! I am serious! This is not an attempt to sound cute and fish for a sugar daddy (though if it succeeds, all the better!) but an effort to prevent anyone from getting me useless presents like say, I dunno, a candle holder or a statue of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
PS. The promotion for the special price of RM49 only lasts until tomorrow! QUick quick!:D
I am just blogging for the sake of blogging.
Also, blogging to celebrate the fact that I CAN NOW USE BOTH HANDS FOR TYPING! Sucks to you, Tetanus!
Tetanus bug says, “Celaka.”
Also blogging for the joy of seeing the date of June 10 in my calendar on the side turn dark red.
I actually have nothing to blog about.
I am in terrible pain!!!
Plus, I’m typing with only one hand. So this will be a short entry.
Not to mention my posture now is that of the Hunchback of Notré Dame.
This is, naturally, thanks to Massachusetts and its horrifying state health laws. Damn you. MA!
Just this morning I was jabbed with needles TWICE. Once to extract BLOOD for yet another fcuking blood test for Measles, Mumps & Rubella, and another for immunisation against Diphteria, Tetanus and Polio.
And the stupid doctor tak lepaskan me some more! The requirement for diphteria-tetanus is to have one shot within the past 10 years. Obviously I already took my tetanus shot in form 3 together with all othe 15 yr-old girls!!
Eh wait, or was that for Rubella? Whatever.
Anyway, it is damn fucking painful now cos I think the needle went into my muscle. Therefore, I cannot move my left arm at all while there is a red patch surrounding the blood clot on my right arm due to allergic reaction to the alcohol used to clean the area.
Let’s recount the number of times I’m going to be stabbed with needles.
Hepatitis B: 1 blood test + 3 shots = 4 stabbings
Diphteria/Tetanus: 1 shot + 1 blood test = 2 stabbings
Measles, Mumps, Rubella: 1 blood test = 1 stabbing
Tuberculin skin test (oh this is a real hero, this) – involves injecting some liquid into my body n extracting it 3 days later to check for TB. Why? Because I had the bad luck to be born in a country called Malaysia, which apparently is a country prone to TB and the US government does NOT acknowledge our BCG. Then why, may I ask, do all of us have that big scar for? 1 DAMN BIG STABBING.
Meningitis: 1 shot + 1 blood test = 2 stabbings
GRAND TOTAL: 10 FREAKING STABBINGS!!!!!!!!
I FEEL LIKE A DRUGGIE.
This is going to brighten up your day!!
Check out this hot person!!
Hot Chiq…guaranteed to make you c*me!!
Jalaluddin Hassan: Who waaants to be A MILLIONAIRE?
*everybody get prepped up and ready to win big money*
Jalaluddin Hassan: Ini soalan dia…Apakah jantina orang ini? *picture flashes on screen*
everbody: *stumped*
RM 1,000,000 is forfeited as noone knows.
Yet another trip to the American Embassy.
Had to line up bloody long as usual.
When it was finally my turn, the girl at the counter opened up my passport to show me my visa and confirm that it was indeed mine.
When I saw it I got a shock.
It was so ugly that I thought it was not mine. I almost said that she got the wrong passport.
Daddy Ooi got scared that my well-known vainness would make me try to get the Ugly Visa Photo changed and hurried me away from the embassy before anything happened.
Oh my god I just remembered that I used the Ugly Visa Photo for my MAS Grad card as well. But sucks to everyone! That Grad card is going to get me a free invite to a Christian Dior show soon! Ha! Ha! Here I come Chris 1947 and Dior Girly and CD facial wash!!
Other than that, its been a shitty day.
First of all, Perang Ooi occured because nobody could decide who should go and buy food for dinner. It almost ended up with nobody having dinner to eat becos Brother Ooi stormed upstairs, Daddy Ooi plonked on the sofa and wouldn’t move and Aud Ooi grabbed the Mercedes keys and threatened to drive out herself, which got a shout from Mummy Ooi.
In the end, Daddy Ooi decided to drive out and buy and Aud Ooi decided to follow him even though she was missing her 8.30 show because she felt guilty.
And there, in ss15 disaster struck yet again.
I LOST 50 BUCKS.
Daddy Ooi went to Burger King to buy his dinner and I went to McD’s to buy mine and Brother Ooi’s. And somehow on the way from Burger King to McD’s I managed to lose the RM50 that my dad gave me. And there was Perang Ooi II in McD’s.
And I started crying sitting at a McD’s table.
Fuck it, damn lazy to write about crappy things that happen. Anyway I dried up enough to take my order but on the way back home I started flooding the car again and poor Daddy had to drive around ss18 a few rounds so I would stop by the time we reached home.
All fine now.
Makes me feel terribly incompetent though. How am I supposed to survive on my own if I keep doing things like this? This is total Audreyness.
To be continued.
F U C K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am so goddamn bored!!!!!!!!!!
Why, oh why does Monash and RMIT and Melb Uni and the rest of all the cheebye universities have to do this to me?!
They are taking away my friends from me! Eternal damnation to you and your exams! Thanks to you, I’m bored out of my mind.
Let me recap the things I did today just to keep myself occupied:
1. Washed 3 pairs of undies (all different colors) and 2 black bras.
2. Plucked my eyebrows.
3. Played GunBound. Hmm I seem to be getting bored of it. MAYBE BECOS I KEEP LOSING! Why is everybody getting better except me?
4. Used a needle to poke and burst all the tiny bubbles on my fingers (which were probably caused my some allergy yet again).
5. Then pulled and picked at all the skin on my fingers. They fcuking hurt now.
6. Increased everybody’s hit count on their blogs by clicking Refresh several times.
7. Opened my own blog several times during the day to admire the pinkness of it.
8. Played 400 games of Spider Solitaire.
Bravo! What a productive day! I must be sure to do it again sometime.
I can just see myself doing all this every single day for the next 2 weeks.
Too tired…I wasn’t planning on blogging today BUT! My dear darling Ruth changed my mind because she said that she LOVES MY BLOG!! 😀 So here I am.
WELL. Today was quite a suey day.
First of all, I decided to give lip gloss another try.
If you didn’t know, I don’t wear lip gloss, or any lip balm other than Vaseline. I will wear every single kind of makeup there is except lip gloss. This is because I am very allergic to it.
But this lip gloss was a very nice color and it looked damn good on me. URghh!! I was tempted.
I dabbed it onto my lips. No problem!
No problem until….
TWO HOURS LATER MY LIPS TURNED INTO A FUCKING BALLOON AND SWELLED UP AND ITCHED!!!!!!!!
I now look like Dolly Parton, minus the breasts.
I went to Midvalley and it was supposed to be a day of fun and shopping together with Mummy Ooi, Leslie Cheung Auntie and other auntie from Penang. (Let’s call her Nail Art Auntie)
I went there with high hopes because Nail Art Auntie is the most happening of the lot ie. she goes to karaoke and pubs with her hubby and therefore she would want to go to such shops like MNG etc.
We entered MNG.
There was NO sale.
All the clothes looked like for working women.
And then after that, whatever happeningness there was between us disappeared as they attacked all the auntie shops and left me to carry the big ugly cloth bag of water bottles.
So I decided to join Daddy Ooi over at MPH. And when I got there, I had a terrible pain in the stomach and I had to go.
It turns out in the end, I had to go THREE times: twice in the Metrojaya toilet and once in Leslie Cheung Auntie’s house.
I was so tired from lugging bottles of water about and crapping my insides all over Metrojaya that I fell asleep in the car.
Suddenly, thru my sleep I heard shouts of “Tchoot hoon! Tchoot hoon!” and “AUDREY! GET OUT OF THE CAR!”
I opened my eyes and hurriedly scrambled out of the car, to see smoke swelling out from under the bonnet (Tchoot hoon in Hokkien: emitting smoke) and everyone standing outside the car. We were at Holiday Villa to drop Nail Art Auntie off.
They opened up the bonnet ( I say they becos I just stood at the side, I’m not pretending to know anything about cars) to check what was wrong, and suddenly, a whole bunch of other people came running to kaypoh, the hotel jockey, the parking attendant and what looked like a man in a waiter’s uniform.
My dad asked the jockey for some water to pour into the container thing becos apparently it was dry.
He nodded most efficiently.
He took a 1.5 litre mineral water bottle and galloped off………… to the fountain outside the hotel and FILLED THE BOTTLE WITH FOUNTAIN WATER.
Daddy Ooi wanted to pengsan.
Anyways. We were soon on our way with the jockey giving us a friendly nod-head-down-and-lift-hand gesture and we flew all the way back WITH THE AIRCON OFF to avoid any breakdowns.
And here I am.
PS. Luckily I got a book and new camisole/spaghetti top to counter the suey-ness.
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